T
thenerd0584
Without writing a complete book just some background. I didn't exactly have a good go in my childhood when it came to my mom. Diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and bipolar kicker. She was unstable for most of my childhood. While she an absolute angel to my brother and my sister; She was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive to me. My siblings told me I deserved it because I was a "bad kid". I wasn't, I got good grades but I was a tomboy and she could never relate to me. She would frequently come into my room to yell and beat me in the middle of the night; this happened from the time I had my own room when I was 6 until she passed away 7 years ago. Whenever I would come home from college, I would avoid staying in my house and stayed at friend's houses instead to avoid her. As far as I know, my siblings never knew this happened but my dad did.
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was in my early 20s. I would have anger outbursts that seemed to come out of nowhere and breakdown in tears over seemingly small things. I didn't know I would re-experience my traumas over and over. I finally found a good therapist that has helped me with finding coping skills to deal with whats happening in my head/body when I get triggered. I learned to control some of the triggers (ex. no matter where I live; I need a radio on so I don't hear footsteps in the house/apartment at night). We worked on learning to re-trust my dad and since my mom has been gone. It took a while but I feel like we are in a good place.
I am back at home because I am in school trying to get another degree and trying to keep my costs down. My dad just started dating again. She was a rapid insertion, no option of a neutral ground meeting; She was just there in the house and he said "This is Barbara. She is in my life now." I smelled what smelled like my mom, felt sick and then felt this anger that wouldn't go away. Turns out, the woman uses the same perfume and body wash as my mom did (I know because I recently found both in my bathroom). As a result, I go into panic mode, throwup and immediately leave the house or hide in my room where I light candle to introduce a different scent to get rid of that smell.
I have tried to explain the situation to my dad. I told him when she is in the house or has been in the house, all I smell is mom and I go back to that place and that time. I explained that as result, I feel panic and unsafe.. He says I am being irrational and she's not a threat. So understanding his feelings on that, I have asked him to ask her to not use that perfume or decrease the amount for while she's over so I'll be able to handle coming out and actually meeting her. He said he enjoys it and its not his place to discuss certain hygine issues. Similar to the request he made for when my boyfriend comes over, I asked him to then give me warning when she is over so I can have the option to not be there. I was told to suck it up and deal because she now has drop in privileges.
I am trying to find middle ground with him and I don't really know what to do to make him understand what is happening to me as a result of her. I can't handle the smell of her. I can't handle when she plays with my dog and my dog cuddles up with me afterward because my dog smells like her. I feel bad pushing my own dog away. The only thing he keeps saying is I am being irrational and being immature.
I don't exactly have the funds to move out. While I do work, its not enough on top of tutition to pay for my own place. I try to stay at my boyfriends house at least 2 nights a week to give myself a break so its not like I don't give my dad the option of having alone time (my boyfriend is in a similar situation to myself with school).
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was in my early 20s. I would have anger outbursts that seemed to come out of nowhere and breakdown in tears over seemingly small things. I didn't know I would re-experience my traumas over and over. I finally found a good therapist that has helped me with finding coping skills to deal with whats happening in my head/body when I get triggered. I learned to control some of the triggers (ex. no matter where I live; I need a radio on so I don't hear footsteps in the house/apartment at night). We worked on learning to re-trust my dad and since my mom has been gone. It took a while but I feel like we are in a good place.
I am back at home because I am in school trying to get another degree and trying to keep my costs down. My dad just started dating again. She was a rapid insertion, no option of a neutral ground meeting; She was just there in the house and he said "This is Barbara. She is in my life now." I smelled what smelled like my mom, felt sick and then felt this anger that wouldn't go away. Turns out, the woman uses the same perfume and body wash as my mom did (I know because I recently found both in my bathroom). As a result, I go into panic mode, throwup and immediately leave the house or hide in my room where I light candle to introduce a different scent to get rid of that smell.
I have tried to explain the situation to my dad. I told him when she is in the house or has been in the house, all I smell is mom and I go back to that place and that time. I explained that as result, I feel panic and unsafe.. He says I am being irrational and she's not a threat. So understanding his feelings on that, I have asked him to ask her to not use that perfume or decrease the amount for while she's over so I'll be able to handle coming out and actually meeting her. He said he enjoys it and its not his place to discuss certain hygine issues. Similar to the request he made for when my boyfriend comes over, I asked him to then give me warning when she is over so I can have the option to not be there. I was told to suck it up and deal because she now has drop in privileges.
I am trying to find middle ground with him and I don't really know what to do to make him understand what is happening to me as a result of her. I can't handle the smell of her. I can't handle when she plays with my dog and my dog cuddles up with me afterward because my dog smells like her. I feel bad pushing my own dog away. The only thing he keeps saying is I am being irrational and being immature.
I don't exactly have the funds to move out. While I do work, its not enough on top of tutition to pay for my own place. I try to stay at my boyfriends house at least 2 nights a week to give myself a break so its not like I don't give my dad the option of having alone time (my boyfriend is in a similar situation to myself with school).
