Husband Relentlessly Negative

[cupfish]

husband and I both have PTSD. His hyper vigilance is expressed in irrational worries about negative outcomes that do not exist. He has real trouble relating to my kids, 19 year old twins, who are pretty darned stable -- in college, heading for good careers, polite, just normal. He exaggerates their negatives and invents scenarios where their flaws result in disaster. There is nothing easy or encouraging in his co-parenting over the last 7 years, and at this point he's just plain off in the weeds about family. The kids have been very patient, reassuring, tried hard to relate to their stepdad. At 19 hubby still calls them "little children." He has the Same attitude with my siblings, saying he sees no benefit in any kind of relationship. I need to respect his PTSD, continuing our shared path of healing together, but he will not acknowledge any exaggeration or over-emphasis on faults and potential disaster. We have a really nice life that he won't accept. Help.

 

[Cult]

Don't know if I have much helpful to share, but I did want to say you are not alone in dealing with this. In my case, I am the negative partner. My wife has two sons from a previous marriage who in my eyes are ungrateful little snots, and who are not talking to us/involved in our lives in any way at this point. I would like it to stay that way for the duration. Have you tried speaking to your husband about how his continued negativity is impacting the marriage? It might be that he simply is too terrified/damaged to accept a loving relationship and family. I suspect that is what is going on with me. I am in therapy trying to address and start healing from my own issues, I hope your husband will be able and willing to do the same for you. Good luck and prayers.

 

[Rumors]

@cupfish.... My husband is the same way. No ptsd on his part that I know of, but his negative energy about EVERYTHING is exhausting. It can suck the life out of me... Hang in there. You are not alone...

 

[Friday]

Help how? In changing his world view (possible, but unlikely), or dealing with his world view, or kicking him & his world view to the curb, or...?

 

[cupfish]

This helps. Yes I talked to him about damaging our marriage, about how much this hurts. I think he is terrified of accepting another human besides me but won't admit it.

I want to find a way to broker peace amongst my loved ones to achieve a more positive and balanced family environment. My husband thinks it's up to the kids, I disagree, it's a family dynamic.

This is incredibly painful for me. Feel caught.

 

[GrayOwl]

After reading/answering your other post from earlier today,
I was just browsing threads here and saw you had posted this a few days back.

It looks like you are distressed over the relationship issues and reaching a crisis point,
needing some reassurances or decision making in your life, or unsure or in pain?

Tired of negatives and feeling trapped?

"Admitted" is the basis of the first step toward any type of recovery.
"Admitted" means an honest and thorough admission. Of the problem.
Don't project any consequences - just identify the problem - "what if" introduces fear.
So just identify the problem. Really can be quite simple.
Are either of you to that point?

Just think on it.....

 

[Vexed]

@cupfish... My husband is the same way. No ptsd on his part that I know of, but his negative energy about EVERYTHING is exhausting. It can suck the life out of me... Hang in there. You are not alone...

@cupfish, What Rumors has said, Ditto for my husband. He sees what he doesn't like, not what he likes. Everything is negative and it is draining. You're not the only one, that's for sure.

 

[Thizette]

Dealing with the same from a severely depressed partner. His negativity and anger are triggering to me in the extreme--I am the one with the PTSD. Trying to get him in counseling and I'm not ready to give up on an otherwise beautiful relationship.