Hi. I'm new to this and so a little scared and also unsure of how to connect to people online - I don't/haven't done this sort of thing.
I have c-ptsd, anxiety and depression. I'd like to believe most of the time, I manage it well, but with that being said, almost too well and then, at times, not well enough. I function very highly professionally, but personally, it's been a very rough struggle for me to build and maintain relationships. I know I own part of this, since it's very hard for me to feel close to anyone.
I have an expectation that once I do feel close enough to someone and let them in on my health diagnosis and what I do struggle with (nightmares, flashbacks, flooding emotions, triggers) and what I have been through, that they should respond in kind, meaning I believe once I've opened up, that creates a deep connection with the person (any relationship applies) and they should 'understand' what I need in times of crisis, if I happen to be in crisis. But in reality, what has happened and what I notice is that they truly don't understand, I sense they look or respond to me like I'm an "alien", and I also notice they don't even try to understand. Frustrations are then felt all around, and I wind up leaving the relationship or they do.
The totality of what I have been through personally (and it's starting to bleed into the professional side of my life) is catastrophic, and what most often I experience is another person's complete shock at the fact I'm even alive. They are often left with nothing to say because it's so shocking. I then wind up having to comfort/console them; which is weird, and leaves things between me and the other person in a weird place.
This has happened so often that it's created it's own sort of separate trauma, while also triggering being abandoned so much over the course of my childhood.
I suffer from c-ptsd, anxiety and depression due to long-term abuse (all forms) in my childhood. My dominant emotion growing up was fear, and I was isolated a lot in my childhood, and have felt so alone my whole life. I left home in my late teens and I have worked, functioned, and built an incredible career DESPITE what the odds say about people who grow up like I did. However, this has made me a workaholic, and has left nothing in my personal life; no friends, no relationships outside of professional ones, and I feel very alone, isolated, and struggle to not feel broken or damaged. I have had a few breakdowns in my life, been hospitalized twice, and am in crisis right now; hoping not to have another breakdown, and am looking for some understanding and better skills on how to reach out, hang on, and be helped by people who understand and not by those who don't and who wind up doing more damage.
I feel like giving up, but I have signed up here in an effort and hope that maybe I can find some peace and understanding within these pages to help me feel not so alone and isolated.
I have c-ptsd, anxiety and depression. I'd like to believe most of the time, I manage it well, but with that being said, almost too well and then, at times, not well enough. I function very highly professionally, but personally, it's been a very rough struggle for me to build and maintain relationships. I know I own part of this, since it's very hard for me to feel close to anyone.
I have an expectation that once I do feel close enough to someone and let them in on my health diagnosis and what I do struggle with (nightmares, flashbacks, flooding emotions, triggers) and what I have been through, that they should respond in kind, meaning I believe once I've opened up, that creates a deep connection with the person (any relationship applies) and they should 'understand' what I need in times of crisis, if I happen to be in crisis. But in reality, what has happened and what I notice is that they truly don't understand, I sense they look or respond to me like I'm an "alien", and I also notice they don't even try to understand. Frustrations are then felt all around, and I wind up leaving the relationship or they do.
The totality of what I have been through personally (and it's starting to bleed into the professional side of my life) is catastrophic, and what most often I experience is another person's complete shock at the fact I'm even alive. They are often left with nothing to say because it's so shocking. I then wind up having to comfort/console them; which is weird, and leaves things between me and the other person in a weird place.
This has happened so often that it's created it's own sort of separate trauma, while also triggering being abandoned so much over the course of my childhood.
I suffer from c-ptsd, anxiety and depression due to long-term abuse (all forms) in my childhood. My dominant emotion growing up was fear, and I was isolated a lot in my childhood, and have felt so alone my whole life. I left home in my late teens and I have worked, functioned, and built an incredible career DESPITE what the odds say about people who grow up like I did. However, this has made me a workaholic, and has left nothing in my personal life; no friends, no relationships outside of professional ones, and I feel very alone, isolated, and struggle to not feel broken or damaged. I have had a few breakdowns in my life, been hospitalized twice, and am in crisis right now; hoping not to have another breakdown, and am looking for some understanding and better skills on how to reach out, hang on, and be helped by people who understand and not by those who don't and who wind up doing more damage.
I feel like giving up, but I have signed up here in an effort and hope that maybe I can find some peace and understanding within these pages to help me feel not so alone and isolated.
