Sexual Assault Current Sexual Behavior

[Stacieamy]

There's something that I do that I have wondered about for a long time. I'm going to talk to my therapist, but I am curious if anyone else does this. I dealt with sexual abuse from when I was very young, then dealt with MST.

Anyway, when I am attracted to a man who I know likes me too, I get very anxious. I understand that. But, if I am wanting to make the first move or even talk to him about our attraction, etc I become more anxious if there is more physical space between us. I have to strongly force myself to look directly at him if he's across the room. But, if he's sitting right next to me then I am a lot more comfortable, sometimes enough to flirt or even kiss him. This seems backwards to me. Also, my tension is very obvious.

 

[sedna]

There's something that I do that I have wondered about for a long time. I'm going to talk to my ther...

I'm the same way. I probably don't need to point out the trouble that quality can cause sometimes.

When you're looking at someone on the other side of the room, you see them clearly and they see you back. Which feels intensely vulnerable if you are shy.
If you have a history of not having physical boundaries respected, or even knowing how to put up physical boundaries, then as soon as someone is close enough to touch you're in familiar territory.

Familiar territory when you're feeling insecure or shy is a huge relief. It's not unusual to speed up physical contact to avoid the anxiety of feeling truly seen, therefore exposed, to someone you're interested in.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

There's a lot of "backwards-like" stuff that can occur because of sexual assult. Maybe you are more anxious when he is across the room as you feel in less control of the situation?

Im not exactly anxious (i went the other way and am mega sexual) but i know i need to be close up and all over him due to being in control so though you arent all over him like I am, maybe it has to do with control still?

Something to think about. Lots of PTSD & control issues. Actually, its the exact google search that led my therapist and I here in a session.

 

[Friday]

Ha!!! I totally do this!!!

No CSA. Yes MST.

Very much a control issue. The closer someone is, the better I can read them, the less I'm broadcasting / the less I'm having to also read the room, the fewer decisions that need to be made, and in the event of worst case scenario it's a helluva lot more soothing to my pride to deck them, then run, than to simply run ;)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The closer someone is, the better I can read them, the less I'm broadcasting / the less I'm having to also read the room, the fewer decisions that need to be made, and in the event of worst case scenario

Agreed to all, however, I could of encompass of why Im more comfortable close up in just "the fewer decisions that need to be made, and in the event of worst case scenario". My brain is always, constantly calculating "worse case scenario get aways" and id say most escpecially during a sexual encounter. And thats weird to crasp knowing I still "prowl" as that old prositute mind takes over, but im always, still, calculating what my escape plan is and whats safer and what im going to do if, etc. And there are indeed way less decisions and way less movements and way less abilty for him to stop me from leaving in an upclose encounter as opposed to across the room.

 

[sedna]

Agreed to all, however, I could of encompass of why Im more comfortable close up in just "the...

It's hard to explain to people why worrying about stuttering through a conversation is relieved by trying to get someones pants off.

Its like you said, its less to think about in an anxious situation.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It's hard to explain to people why worrying about stuttering through a conversation is relieved by trying to get someones pants off.

:roflmao:

 

[Friday]

It's hard to explain to people why worrying about stuttering through a conversation is relieved by trying to get someone's pants off...

LMFAO. This. Soooooo this.

It just takes all the pressure off to sleep without someone first*, then -if they're still interesting- consider making friends.

Besides, it's a dance I know all the steps to. :D

Talking :wtf: Talking I suck at.

* Which is a slightly different thing than StacieAmy was referencing, although very much related, for me. I don't tend to make a lot of friends, even casual friends/acquaintances if I'm celibate or in a relationship. Perfectly platonic friendships, outside of the fact that we met by having a fling. Another backwards thing. It made my brain fall out of my head to hear "If you wanted to be friends, you shouldn't have slept with him." Wha???? I make friends BY sleeping with people. Is that how it works in normal life? Can work, rather? // I only have 2 real, honest, true friendships with people I haven't slept with. One just because she's my exception to most rules, and the other because I met him when he was married, and no. I don't f*ck married men, period. Just no. // So I've been honestly trying the getting to know people before sleeping with people / have friendships that have never at any point involved sex. Sadly, I've done this once before, and am finding similar results. :meh: I judge people's character a whole helluva lot better -and faster- naked. Sigh. Still trying it, though.

Fridays Level Of Backwardness =
More comfortable with Sex than Proximity >>>
More comfortable with Proximity than Distance.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Controling and always wanting pants off or controling and being anxious but about it, but less up close because you can control more, is all still controling. Its all the same.

 

[Stacieamy]

I'm the same way. I probably don't need to point out the trouble that quality can cause sometimes.

When...

I think you explained it perfectly.

The "truly seen" part I think hits it perfectly.

 

[Stacieamy]

It's hard to explain to people why worrying about stuttering through a conversation is relieved by trying...

Yes! It was incredibly relieving to have my therapist tell me that my behavior made perfect sense.

 

[Stacieamy]

Controling and always wanting pants off or controling and being anxious but about it, but les...

Yep. It's all about control.