Night Terrors

[gypsywind]

Hello, I'm new here. I look forward to exploring the forums but for now I am trying to reach out and learn more about the night terrors I experience almost daily. My PTSD stems from being raped several years ago, though it was only in the past few years that I have verbally acknowledged it and began to process the emotional consequences.

The one thing that I just can not seem to work through or make any progress on is the night terrors. Sleeping during the day, I am just fine. Though this isn't an option for me during the work week. At night though, I just can not stop feeling like I am constantly being monitored and watched. I have dreams that cross over into being awake so that for a short time I incorporate the bedroom with the dream and really think people are in there with me. When my daughter was younger and still lived at home there was even a time that she called 911 because she thought I was really fighting with an intruder. I occasionally sleep walk, but mostly wake up just sitting in bed yelling at someone or climbing the wall trying to escape.

It's exhausting and I feel like I've worked through this and have healed in so many ways, why can't I get this to stop? Logically in the light of day, I know that the brain and visceral memory aren't so simply turned off, but I'm hoping someone out there has some suggestions or at the very least can relate.

 

[Ka-9]

A warm welcome, I think you'll find a lot of comfort on here by hearing from others battling your same symptoms- I have for sure.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Hi Gypsywind,

Welcome! You're going to like it here. :)

Can I inquire further? If not, just tell me to bug off. Fears of the night are part-and-parcel of my own symptoms, and so I am actively working on these topics.

May I ask, did your traumatic incident occur at night? If so, it would make sense that you feel less safe at night than during the day. (I have the same problem.)

Also, have you been told you are experiencing night 'terrors', or are these night 'mares'? There is a difference. Nightmares are very bad dreams in which the person wakes up very frightened, if not terrified. Night terrors, on the other hand, are generally when a young child experiences terrifying dreams but cannot be awakened by family; the child will generally sit up in bed and scream, but no amount of comforting will help him wake or escape his terror. Nightmares are much easier to work with than night terrors.

You mention that your dreams cross over into periods of semi-wakefulness (if I understand you correctly), leading you to wake up believing that someone dangerous is actually in your bedroom.This sounds like a nightmare, which would be much easier to work with than if it were truly a night terror.

Assuming that I am right, that this is a nightmare, then what you are saying makes absolute sense. When we go to sleep, we move through sleep cycles; we constantly, through the night, move from periods where we are very close to being awake, to periods where we are deeply asleep. The cycle repeats all night long. So, then, you are having nightmares that, as you move into Stage 1 sleep, move into the real world. Yes, very frightening.

So, again, forgive me. I don't know how much work you have done on this topic already.

There are things that can be done to deal with nightmares. First, we can set up our bedrooms to be as safe as possible. We can relabel our nightmares as dreams, to normalize them. We can journal our dreams and work with them, so that we get the sense that we are controlling and working with the dreams, rather than the dreams controlling us. We can welcome the dreams as a form of self-knowledge, where our brains teach us whatever it is we need to know. We can even 'program' ourselves before we go to bed, to guide and determine the content of our dreams. Have you tried any of these things?

Also, it is worth considering that, if you are taking any sleeping medications or psych meds of any sort, they might be causing or intensifying your night mares. (For instance, Ambien causes me to lie in bed for a couple of hours in a sort of Stage 1 sleep with my eyes open, a period during which I experience hallucinations. This has only ever happened while taking Ambien.)

Ben

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi Gypsywind,

Welcome! You're going to like it here. :)

Can I inquire further? If not, just te...

I think Ben makes a good point. My trauma was during the day and I feel tonnes safer at night which goes against what is typically assumed of PTSD.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

And my trauma occurred at night, which is why I find nights so frightening. Once the sun comes up, I can close my eyes and sleep just fine. Just the opposite of Eve.

 

[Fadeaway]

Nightmares you remember, night terrors you don't.
Do you feel paralyzed upon awakening when you think other people are in the room?

 

[gypsywind]

Thank you everyone, I’m already feeling a bit of weight lifted just hearing from others. After I posted I explored the forums a bit, it can feel so isolating dealing with this and suddenly this whole world of people who have similar experiences has opened up. I’m having a bit of an emotional reaction to it.

I’ve worked with a therapist one on one (though not currently) but for some reason I never addressed the sleeping/nightmare issues. Perhaps I just wasn’t ready.

Ben, thank you for explaining the difference between night terrors and nightmares. I haven’t done research on the specifics of either. I’ve searched on PTSD itself online to try and get a better understanding but the information I’ve found mostly lumps all sleep disturbances together as one ‘symptom’. How you described being able to take ownership of the nightmares is exactly what I’d like to work towards. Right now it feels so out of control. Of course that’s one of my issues, I want to keep control of every external situation because I feel so out of control inside my own head. I’ve come a long way with that, but it’s a work in progress. I like the idea of getting myself to a point where I can learn from the dreams instead of just fearing them. I will pick up a notebook and start journaling them. I can see how that could help in many ways, just putting them down on paper may help my subconscious to recognize them for what they are, a dream not an actual current threat. Also I imagine that a pattern could appear and that would be helpful in understanding.

My trauma did occur at night and I’ve never put that connection together before now. From the descriptions, I am definitely experiencing nightmares that continue on into the between sleep and awake state. I have experienced that stage where you are aware of your surroundings but cannot move your body and have hallucinations. That is the scariest of all. It hasn’t happened in a few years though. I’ve never been on any sleeping aids but I do take an antidepressant, Wellbutrin.

What’s interesting to me, though it may not be unusual is that I never ever dream of the actual rape and I very rarely dream of him. It’s always unknown people, both men and women and occasionally an animal. I’ve had to start sleeping fully clothed, when it’s really hot I will sometimes sleep in just a tank top and underwear but then I always feel more exposed. Like you would in a dream where you’re naked in public. I’m not sure how to make my bedroom feel safer. I’ve tried keeping it really dark and I’ve tried having a nightlight and neither make a difference. I do sleep better when I stay the night somewhere with other people, but that is not a regular option. Having my dog in bed helps some but sometimes I wake up pulling him across the bed in an effort to keep him safe from whatever the dream threat is. I often sleep upside down because for some reason the feel of the wall along one side of me and at my feet helps. I would love to have one of those Dutch Cupboard Beds that are totally enclosed.

Thank you again, for listening and for sharing ideas and information.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Gaining control of the nightmares is, as you said, important, and will greatly improve your situation.

Not only will journaling help you make connections, but journaling and discussing the nightmares with a safe other will normalize the nightmares and push off the scary memories, reducing your fear. The bad dreams will become an interesting problem to solve, rather than controlling, terrifying events. You will become a supersleuth, of sorts. :)

Eventually, you will come to understand the nightmares - they could all be generated by the same traumatic event - and then you will be able to program a new 'ending' for those nightmares. So, for instance, it is very possible to have, say, a repetitive nightmare, decide one day how you truly 'want' the nightmare to resolve, and then tell yourself right before going to sleep that you are going to change the dream, this time, by having it turn out in a certain fashion. Then, you might dream but, instead of waking up in a cold panic and fear, you will wake up in triumph after having, say, successfully pushing off your perpetrator and knocking him silly over the head with a frying pan. :)

Yes! You have the power to conquer your dreams.

...never ever dream of the actual rape and I very rarely dream of him. It’s always unknown people, both men and women and occasionally an animal.

This could be what is sometimes called a 'screen', meaning that, it could be too terrifying to dream of the actual event or perpetrator, so the mind invents a substitute figure to take the place of the known perp. I have experienced this in my dreams, too.

Regarding making one's bedroom safe, this is a highly individual matter. I used to suffer from DID until relatively recently, and so had fearful child alters as well as fearful adult alters. I did all sorts of rather unusual things. First, I moved my bed into my smallest bedroom, because a smaller, more enclosed area felt safer. Then, I painted my bedroom a soft blue; it's a happy color. Then, I set up nightlights in every single room of my apartment, nightlights that stay on 24/7 (the new LED types cost something like 3-4 cents per month to run). I put my bed in a corner against the wall, so as to minimize the amount of exposure to the room at large. I put Superman sheets on the bed (safe guy). I put a flashlight on my nightstand, all ready to go. At one point, I had a toddler bed rail on the single exposed side of my bed. I had - and still have - SuperHeroAnimal stuffies to sleep with, when I want to. I allowed a child alter to suck his thumb in bed when it was necessary.

My point is, be creative and do whatever you need to do to help you feel safe.

One last thing. I took Wellbutrin for awhile and am very familiar with it. While an excellent antidepressant, it is generally considered a poor choice for those of us with anxiety issues. Wellbutrin is in a class all of its own, and is similar chemically and experiencially to amphetamines, so it can greatly increase anxiety and interfere with sleep. Just so you know.

Ben