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House Finally Clean, Clutter Free & Homely:)

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I also felt quite vulnerable, still am for all kinds of reasons but I'm sure part of it is cleaning and de cluttering. I realised during the process that the clutter was like a physical version of the haze and fog I get when dissociating. I also realised that the filth and stuff was a protective barrier. It gave an excuse to hide and not have people in my home and so on another level it offered some type of protection.

Ah Ha! (moment) This fits me to a T! However, I have another underlying condition which may be mixed in with the dissociation as well, and that is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADH) which is what awarded me the benefits of Supplemental Security Income (SSI). Combined I think the dissociation and ADHD together are the fuel. Because I am employed and appear to be engaged in Substantial Gainful Activity, I don't qualify for Disabiliy benefits. :( My mom wants me to tackle this before I depart for a vacation that is to occur in another week or so.
 
We're going to visit family, some of whom are up in age and this may be the last visit I make to so...
@SeanCharles thanks for clarifying. I'm wising you well with it. Know that you don't have to do the whole place at once or at all!
I'm happy to share what strategies helped me if you think that might be of use.
 
Following up with this post. I did get a few bags of trash out. While I still have a long way to get myself clean and completely clutter free this post has inspired me to set this as a personal goal I want to maintain for 2016-2017!
 
I started a thread a while back about losing my ability to cope.
I was living in piles of crap, decompo...
Hi NatBird,
I live in total filth. There are, I think, fruit flies in the kitchen and bathroom. My kitchen is filled with trash almost up to the ceiling. I was deemed not a hoarder by a social worker from the Hoarding Task Force who came to take a look. I had someone clean last year. It was in the same condition. Then, she did a lot, but not everything, and charged $96.00. She will be cleaning it for move out--I live in an apt, and don't want to be charged for anything. It's hard to breathe in here. She quoted me $800.00 because there was mold on the ceiling--the price went up. I just used a mold spray to get rid of the black stuff---it's not my fault--there is something going on with the plumbing upstairs. I see that they've dealt with parts around it and other spots on the ceiling before--the just paint over it. I wish I hadn't mentioned it and had cleaned it before. I have OCD and with the bugs am super afraid to throw out--even just touch the trash. I want to make my less awful so she doesn't charge me as much. I am so impressed with you. How were you able to get the courage to do it? How much did they charge you? I'm sure there's mold elsewhere. I want to check so I can spray that down too. My kitchen is a fire hazard. I don't trust anyone to do as good a job. Also, my security deposit that I would get back won't offset the expenses much. It's only $150.00. I had a preferred employer discount.
Thanks.
Doggylover.

PS If there are random words in the text, it's because there's a problem with the track pad.
 
I realised during the process that the clutter was like a physical version of the haze and fog I get when dissociating.
The very first journey I had with my shaman had me facing that fog that you speak about. I couldn't actually journey because all I could see was a thick fog. She asked me to pull apart the fog and see what was behind it. I went into one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had (this was years ago).

I just want you to know that this is NOT easy stuff. That fog can be covering up horrors. The fact that you are doing this is absolutely incredible! I tip my hat off to you..... and am sending to you the utmost in respect for your courage.
 
Hi NatBird,
I live in total filth. There are, I think, fruit flies in the kitchen and bathroom. My k...

@Doggylover

What motivated me?
I was tired of living in shit. I felt like no matter what positive energising action I took outside as soon as they key was in the door the energy was turbo siphoned out of me.
I was also thinking about the trauma therapy I'm engaging in and potentially EMDR. I didn't want to bring myself back into a triggering environment. The way I was living was a re enactment of a traumatic period when I lived with my mum.

Charge?
I did the clearing, de cluttering and cleaning myself. The room I got assistance with was the kitchen. After I cleaned it I called someone in to do a deep clean. It cost me £25.00 for two hours.
I then got a painter to come in to help with decorating. This cost a bit more. I also ended up doing painting myself which was also healing.

It is worth the effort.

Just take one section of a room at a time. It does work. I also have some obsessive tendencies so I found that once I started a section I'd end up clearing quite a bit.

Let folks here support you too. That support helped a lot with the process.

Wishing you all the best.
 
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