New Introduction of Me - PTSD From Being Abused & Raped

[doobie]

Well I don't think my first intro was fair compared to others so I will introduce myself again...

I am a female survivor of child sexual, physical and mental abuse, which continued into my teens and marriage. I was brutally raped 7 years ago and no justice from the law.

I did have four children who now live with my ex cause money is the root of the system, however; they are very much apart of my life. I have attempted work, but because of my chronic ptsd, I tell people I have retired very early in life.... thats were degrees mean **it. I live alone and have a non understanding boyfriend who comes nightly to go back to his mum and dad by midnight, though he's in his late thirtys.

I have tried several places for support of my condition which is hell but all say there only for veteran war heros, which my psychiatrist keeps informing me I am onpar with. I have had my stints in hospital cause I don't want to get soaked in there drugs, and am ready to go on monday; lucky I do have private cover. I had a step dad who died 2yrs ago i was the only there to his last breath. Thats when my mother wanted to join my world again.

My real dad who has not been part of my life has dropped his arse here in a nursing home and hence made me responsible for him. My bestest friend killed himself, hence I was his doobie, thats why I use the name. He had rapid form of ms, and did not want to be bed ridden, which he suffered ptsd mild.

My boyfriends dad whom I met 6 months ago is dying of liver cancer, 2nd stage and though I met these people they are leaning heavy on me hence my relapse. I had a close very dear sister that I named my first born after who died at 12 I was 11, and to top of justice my sisters grave gets given to my stepfathers wife, as its estate; so her grave I have been going to has no acknowledgement and is in the hands of strangers.

Anyhow, I am crazy all the way...this is classified as my disability and live on a disability pension while the ones that gave this to me live pretty. I am nuts crazy and will be glad to meet you all thanku.

 

[anthony]

Well, now that sounds like you had something on your chest, and needed to get it off. Well done Doobie. Congratulations and thankyou for opening up and sharing these traumatic secrets with everyone, which hopefully made you feel somewhat better within yourself. Fingers crossed.

I really think it stinks when people abuse children... that sucks. Children are defenseless, and don't understand what is happening. Then as an adolescent, they end up in your situation Doobie, and others here, with PTSD and lifetime trauma. You have really done yourself quite proud to be here, helping yourself, and shareing with others in similar and like circumstances. What you believe, and what you are, are two very different things. You are certainly a strong willed person, considering here you are, your seeking professional help also, and fighting PTSD all the way to learn ways of managing the problem.

Congratulations... you really should pat yourself on the back, as often us with PTSD don't every congratulate ourselves on anything, as we're generally too hard upon ourselves.

I understand what your saying about the Veterans as well, as I know some think they are the only one's who get PTSD, when in fact they are actually the minority when compared to a Countries populous. It is only that generally veterans are the one's in the lime light, until recently, where physicians are now providing more focus to the real PTSD problem, ie. as your case stands. This is the exact reason this place was created, as most I found before starting this forum focused on military only, and whilst I fitted into that category, I knew it wasn't the bulk of the problem.

PTSD is PTSD, regardless how one gets it. How we get it is simply the reason behind us, but the symptoms are all the same. We all suffer exactly the same, regardless of what happened too us. When I talked with people, and learnt more about PTSD as a whole, I understood that a community needed to be established where everyone with PTSD could find support, their families, spouses and friends, as they are also affected by the sufferers PTSD. And this place was born to cater these exact reasons.

So yes, you have found somewhere you can get support, understanding and people who know exactly what your going through. We have a miriad of people upon this community already from vastly different backgrounds, and a wide variation of how they obtained PTSD. This in itself helps all of us understand PTSD better, and allows specific types of issues to get support from people who actually have suffered the same or similar circumstances.

It must be quite difficult for you in that you don't have your children. Was that the childrens decision, your decision, ex-husband or court?

What is the story with your boyfriend? Late 30's, still living with his parents and must be home by midnight? Is this acceptable to you? Do you see the relationship going further?

Why are your boyfriends parents leaning on you? In what way are they leaning on you? You know you have your own problems to deal with, obviously, and with PTSD you really do need to just say NO, and make some serious you time to get past certain problems. If your struggling, you need to cut your stressors immediately, and if people around you don't understand this, then they aren't very good people to have around I'm sorry.

So... who abused you as a child? I assume someone within your immediate family.

Raped, I believe is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone, female or male. How does this affect your relationships?

 

[doobie]

okay answer to children no custody issue....
my ex cut all my hair of after i had surgery for massive hemorage....that wat it took to escape him...i did have the children at first but he made sure i had no money.
..so i couldn't feed them he did...through going to court for 7 yrs costing me and him laughing playing the system...i got no settlement...i was homeless for a while he wanted me in the gutter to crawl back but ididn't..
as for my boyfriend no it frustrates me....and his parents and him think you have experience and nice so they lean on me to carry the dad who is dying....liver cancer second stage...
as a child well lets say my aunt and uncle were in the cult the family hence drugs kiddie porn and so so....my mum drank and they would do things to prove they could do wat they liked with me as i was the bastard child...i ran away at 16 with my ex diffent abuse but he would use sleep depreviation and try to poison me fix the car etc...my babies saved my life....no he never got near them i was a raging bulll to protect them but not me...
and rape the latest was a lebonise not wanting to affend but i said no and so he kicked me between the legs and his foot entered me and tore me from front to back then hes whole hand and bite my breasts and body hence surgery and told lucky to be alive........well i am sitting here and thankyou for explaining the meds....and thatnkyou honest understanding is wat i am picking up on you hug anna

 

[anthony]

Yer, honesty around here can sometimes be quite brutal, but its honest, and thats what people with PTSD need. I know that people stuffing me around, telling me half a story and straight out lieing to me get me extremely angry, and thus certain factors of PTSD which I try very hard to keep under control, rise above me again. People with PTSD need straight, they need truth, and they need honesty around them to help keep things under control

A sufferers surrounding environment plays a huge role in the success of a person controlling PTSD, or PTSD controlling them. Many don't really realize the impact your surrounding environment and lifestyle can play upon PTSD.

Some things we can control, some we cannot, and those of us with PTSD need to learn which is which, and remove things that create unnecessary stress for us. Stress creates anxiety, anxiety plays a significant role in depression, depression makes us reclusive, reclusive and depression stops us eating healthy and exercising, thus everything falls down around us... to put it bluntly.

Honestly, if your PTSD is hard to control at the moment, you need to sit down, write a list of things that are on your mind, ie. what is creating stress, anxiety and depression for you, and begin working through remedies on how to remove those factors to provide you room to breathe, learn and control PTSD.

I am not sure how much you know about the welfare system that is available to you, to actually get your children back, have money, have housing and be provided the basics to life, ie. allowing you to have your children, feed them, clothe them, and be their mother again full-time. If your on a disability pension, then you would be entitled to free legal (Legal Aid). If you control your environment and get yourself better first, I see very little reason as to why a competent court of law would not give your custody of your children, considering it is fact, that children are 90% of the time better off with their mother.

With this in mind, with the help of Centrelink, you are then eligible for low cost housing and single parents pension, which is quite a large sum off money for several children. These are options to get your children back again.

Saying all that though, you generally have to have your own shit in one sock (so to speak) so that there is no doubt in a family court judge's mind that those children are going to be well cared for. Money is not everything in this country, and even though the father may have more money, a court looks at the overall care and upbringing, and the emotional stability that children need, when making those decisions. Even though you may off lost in court once, it doesn't mean things are going to be that way forever.

You need to speak with legal aid, and let them advise you on what position you stand in gaining your children back again. The simple thing is, all you need to do is tell them honestly your current position in life, mentally, off which they can advise you what groups and therapy you need to seek, get yourself better, and then give the court another run at obtaining your children back.

Because you have PTSD and cannot work because of it, doesn't get held against you in court if you are controlling it in the correct manner, ie. medication, exercise, healthy living, etc etc. If your doing illegal drugs, drinking and so forth, then these things would be used against you, and again possibly lose the court case. Your not unique in this matter, and plenty of mothers have regained control of their children through simply sorting themselves out in life, and controlling their environments.

If you want to have your children back, then it really is an active decision you can make and win if you choose. All this is free too you, its just your choice whether you want it or not. Speak with legal aid.

I think getting your life under control, having your children again, and generally living better, will do you the world of good, as I would estimate that you love your children very much, and want to be with them all the time. Control your PTSD, and I'm sure you can get back much off what you have lost. I'm not saying it would be easy... and I certainly imagine it would be quite stressful, but that is where learning to control your PTSD comes into play, and taking control of your life again, instead of life taking control of you.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Welcome Doobie,

What a %^C(ed up journey you have had so far. I have no tolerance for anyone who abuses children, adults have them and as far as I see they are responsible for their emotional, physical and mental safety. There are no excuses, there are no exceptions and those that get by using the excuse that they were abused are full of shit. Children are never responsible for abuse.

Anyhow that is my vent, and I have lots more about child abusers but lets not go there. As if life hasn't been traumatic enough and then you were raped and like most of them he never got prosecuted. He probably would have been out of gaol now anyway. What motivates you to keep going? I gather it must be your children, how old are they and do they live nearby?

Come here and chat anytime, you will see a couple of regulars and others who just drop in from time to time. I hope you can some additional support from the people on this forum. Take care of you.

 

[doobie]

okay the final say at court was your the one seeing a psych.not him....
...and my children ages was 9,11.13.15. that was 7 years ago..i was a teen mum...they saved my life and gave me life...they are my life...and that is the only area i am blessed...
....that didn't stop me i just went the allll the time he worked shifts....my children would and do bring food...i am a major part in their lives...my ex stays locked in the main bedroom and doesn't come out now wen i go there and that may be anytime day or night..the youngest got his ps and says if i ever get scared again he will come a running to me....i did attempt housing...they were caling it family reunion but again indefinate period and i asked for any where...thanku though i guess 7 yrs of him playing the courts was enough i was not entitled for legal aid cause the house was in both names yet he got it all 30 thousand legal fees i had the courts got him to play and he chewed bubble gum and grinned but wen they granted the divorce he couldn't stop it and i watched him turn white i was free of him...but my children now the fight was for them..i have lawyers papers that they wanted to write so wen they were older they would see.....