What's The Point Bettering Yourself If It Just Means More To Regret?

[Igasuk]

Relax, I'm not putting anyone down. I waited tables myself in some pretty crap establishments. I'm talking about statistical averages here.

You were putting everyone down who comes from a lower socio-economic background, including yourself!
It's not about being pc, it's about the truth.
We are all struggling in our own ways, we all have regrets and shame. We all have our own interests and dreams and money or social class have little to do with it.
Some have more opportunities, that's true.
You have been given an opportunity. Many born into that feel the shame of not being able to live up to expectations of others.
You're one of the lucky ones. You've been given an opportunity. Maybe the truth is that you fear failing the opportunity that's been given you - just as many born into that do.
Not everyone succeeds.
The more that is given to someone the more is asked of them. More will be asked of you too if you become more successful - many avoid success secretly for that reason.
No one gets a free ride in this life and wherever you go you will find human suffering - even where you least expect it.

 

[Ekec]

So I just feel like working to better myself is pointless because it just makes me feel even more Shame over the past, and I know these people don't want me here.

Wow, lots of judgement in that statement.

Remember that you can't read minds. So your belief that those people don't want you there - that's only coming from you projecting your own self-judgement.

Do you know, why the shame? Would you tend to think you are out-of-place generally, most places?

 

[Wono]

You're complaining about moving up career wise to a forum with many members who would love to have ANY job?

Sounds like a good plan to me!

Sigh.

 

[kari]

Do you know, why the Shame? Would you tend to think you are out-of-place generally, most places?

I talked about it in the OP. I'm embarrassed about my past, how disgusting and trashy it was, the slave work I did, the dangerous, disgusting neighborhoods I lived in. Just last night I had a nightmare about the kinds of stuff I lived around as a kid -- drug addicts, prostitutes, abandoned buildings, garbage, violence, the feeling that there's no way out. I'm sure the Joneses and Vanderbilts would just love to welcome someone like that to their inner circle.

You're complaining about moving up career wise to a forum with many members who would love to have ANY job?

Please be aware that it is just a decent break. No one is making me CEO of a corporation.

 

[Zola]

Do you understand how hurtful you are being to others? I grew up around the same kind of stuff. I guess you are judging me for that? f*ck the Jones and the Vanderbilts, why does their shallow point fo view matter?People like that aren't worth getting to know. They may pretend to be educated on the arts and philosophy but their narrow-minded views and limited world experience inhibits them from fully comprehending what they are seeing.

 

[Orer]

This thread is NOT about class consciousness.

This thread is about and only about how @Kari FEELS regarding her life and her past, her self-concept and her struggle to move forward with her own healing.

A number of you have taken offense or have ended up debating class issues and that's fine.....but pls make a separate thread to discuss those issues.

Out of respect for @Kari's choice to be vulnerable about some very painful issues.

Peace.:)

 

[Ekos]

I'm sure the Joneses and Vanderbilts would just love to welcome someone like that to their inner circle.

Ekec here - I want to say, again - you don't know what they think. You really don't. So, why not accept that you cannot know what they think, and just do you? The only person calling you disgusting, is you. The only person labeling you for your past, is you. Which means you can change your mind.

 

[Zijez]

it's just that my interests aren't the interests that people of low social status tend to share.

I disagree.

Now it's getting to the point where if one of those people who rejected me were to ask, "What do you do?" I might be able to tell them without them recoiling in disgust.

I still dont understand why you recoiled in disgust orginally. Why and that mindset you likely still have and is likely affecting you today. That's where I was going with my first post (IT person that doesnt get paid much).

Every time my standing improves, the picture of the past gets even grimmer in my head. The regrets about all the wrong turns and disasters get even heavier. I say, "Why did I do this? Why did I do that? I made a fool out of myself so many times. I could have spared myself so much grief if I'd only made a different choice at that juncture."

What ifs really dont get us far. Ive done it and still do it and still get no where when I do.

And also, as I move up, I really can't shake the feeling that I just don't belong. I'm a disgusting piece of trash that's contaminating this space, and someone's going to out me any minute. They don't want me here.

That's a self esteem issue and likely a confidence issue. Do you know what you are doing in your job position? Are you qualified for it? If yes to both then stand confident in that.

It is also an issue I have with, basically everything I know. I second guess myself all of the time but in my job, ive been doing it since its exsisted, I know what im doing, im damn good at it, all sups have advised im over qualified for it, so I stand on that, that I do know what im doing. And if i have to google search because im second guessing myself, I let myself do it as when I find the answer as to be my orginal, thats even more confidence that i already know what im doing.

 

[Vuhoci]

I'm sure the Joneses and Vanderbilts would just love to welcome someone like that to their inner circle.

Juji, from above, here.

Actually, they do. The ones worth knowing, in any event, do. But that's my bias.

The idea that no one would? Is coming from the same place as "letting" gatekeepers get to you. It's your own disgust keeping you apart, and allowing assholes to hold sway over how you feel about yourself.

It doesn't matter what sphere you're in; or where you come from; no matter what... some people will hold that (any difference between you and them) against you, will use it if they perceive a weakness to target you, and will flat out be a bunch of backstabbing c*nts. Other people will be attracted to you for your differences... in order to use you. You're their "trophy". Same as any minority group faces against the majority "Their black friend" or "Their lesbian couple"; or anyone different who fills their "Edge of danger" or their "Pity project" or their "whatever" slot in the circle. Collectors. Users. Pfft. Morons. And same as the backstabbing c*nts? Ignore them, they aren't worth your time. And then? There will be 2 more groups of people. Those who are attracted to you because of the differences -or similarities- but stay, because they actually like you, and those who couldn't care less about what makes you different, whether they know it or not, and all they care about is you, and what you're doing now.

As long as you're ashamed of your past? It will own you.

It also completely blocks the good people who would love to get to know you from ever getting close enough to, while providing your enemies with a weapon with unlimited ammo.

Really. It's not about the other people. In slums or parlors, people are the same absolutely everywhere. It's your own self blocking you. You KNOW this. The shame may have been the force that drove you out of the slums, but it's not useful, anymore. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[Efur]

Kari you have a complete lack of awareness. You completely dismiss what I say because you're not CEO.

That's immaterial. My point stands. You're complaining about moving up in a career when people here are jobless and would love to work. You aren't grateful for the healing you've done. You want to throw it all away? Maybe you should so that some other unemployed person can have your job. I'm sure they'll be grateful for it.

I hope you can open your mind one day.

 

[Hazof]

I totally agree with vuhoci...from personal experience. I work in a laundry dealing with urine and faeces all day...low paid, but luckily my lack of brain cells help me to actually enjoy the position I hold.....needs must and all that....and the working environment allows me to have bad days but still be able to go to work. When I do socialise, it tends to be with the well heeled......I can honestly say that I have never felt judged by anyone for saying what I do.....maybe because I don't judge myself in that way? And to be honest, it's not something that comes up in conversation, generally.


So, one week I can be supping pints in a backstreet pub in Dundee, and the next week sipping champagne in Surrey....totally different environments...but the people I'm sitting with, although from opposite ends of the ' class ' system, have a lot in common......they are lovely, kind, gracious, honest, non judgemental people...oh! And they all laugh at me farting!

 

[kari]

This thread is NOT about class consciousness.

This thread is about and only about how @Kari FEELS regarding her life and her past, her self-concept and her struggle to move forward with her own healing.

A number of you have taken offense or have ended up debating class issues and that's fine.....but pls make a separate thread to discuss those issues.

Out of respect for @Kari's choice to be vulnerable about some very painful issues.

Peace.:)

Thank you so much for this, Orer.

Please, no more sermons. Stay on topic or go start your own thread if all you want is to signal your social justice credentials. Title it, "I have a dream."