Conned

[Deleted member 29920]

I hope it gets sorted for you @anonymous
I recently bought something on eBay, the seller did not tell me the plug with it was for a different country, nor was she polite when I pointed out her mistake, she made pathetic excuses to try and get out of it but I eventually got her to refund me the value of the plug so I could buy the one needed. I hope it turns out ok for you in the end, don't feel silly, because it's not your fault.

 

[Neverthesame]

Anon. It happens. You said the guy has a case of fraud alleged against him already?

These kind of people work just as hard at doing this well, as we all do in avoiding it. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Years ago I worked on a cash till. I'm not great at math, but I should have noticed what happened one day.
A guy came in during a busy time of the day, bought something small, paid with a $50 bill. Nothing strange about that. But then he wanted a different variety of change, then something else. This was taking too long, the other people waiting in line were becoming impatient. My stress level was going through the roof. I just wanted the guy to bugger off. After more substitutions and time, he finally was happy and left. Yay!

End of my shift, the boss called me into the office asking why my till was short $50?
I was floored. The guy had actually got me so stressed out and turned around, not only did I give him his $50 back, but another $50 in change. I'm still livid about that.

He was a "short change artist". That is how they operate. I never got in trouble for it, as it wasn't my fault. I still feel a fool, for not realising it.

Hope you get it sorted out, but try to be kind to yourself. It's not your fault. Good on you fighting it. Many people would just eat the expense, out of shame. But not you, good.

I'm proud of you, whoever you are. :hug:

 

[Abstract]

Hi everybody.

Your words have helped more than I can say. I kept telling myself I was fine with this but toxic shame took over. As of today that seems to be lifting. The kindness still takes getting used to. Its funny how incongruent it always feels.

I had some relief today as had confirmation from my bank that I should definitely be covered. I won't believe it until I see it but it has still taken a load off of my shoulders. Two-thirds of the money was given to me as a present - towards the mattress. That made it worse. I felt humiliated and guilty to have lost money that was both ours and something someone else had given to us. Also undeserving of having anything like that in the first place.

And then those feelings of not been able to protect myself and increase in my lack of trust in human nature. Not that I trust at the best of times. It offends me to know that he is probably going to get away with it. I have lodged a police report, a dispute with PayPal, and a dispute with my bank. I hope they catch him or at least stop him getting the money. I have no doubt he does this repeatedly. The idea that he is likely taking advantage of people truly vulnerable gets me. My situation isn't that bad.

The guy closed his account, all telephones aren't working anymore and the listing was deleted. He didn't waste any time. Have tried to find some anger but none is there, Just shame and guilt. I'll get over it.


@Cashew

I feel everyone's been too kind to me. I keep expecting someone to tell me how stupid I was
Thank you for your kind words. It helped a lot.

I'm still responsible for my actions. My logical brain seems to be starting to be more connected again thank goodness.



@lostforgottensoul

It was a tempur. A new one. It was almost half the usual price but still a lot of money. Something I could never afford without the gift. They seem to be the only things that give me respite. Too good to be true is too good to be true. :( He had a clever back story.

I relate to a lot of what you say about sleeping and beds. I sleep on the sofa propped up with cushions. Part of it is to do with pain but over the last 6 years I have barely been able to sleep in beds for trauma reasons. I was hoping to try to get myself back and face it a bit more. The mattresses I have give me an out.

I can't even say it was hasty or that I didn't think it through. There were about 40 texts, 4 phone calls and multiple emails involved. I did ask lots of questions. There were flags going off in my head but I ignored them. And he was a pro.

Thank you for the kind reminders that I am human. How hard self compassion is.

@Gadgie
I am so glad you found a helpful chair and it's giving you some respite. Good old eBay! I think I'll come for a visit! :)

@Freedomfighter

Thank you. I'm definitely wasn't thinking clearly. If I look back I was in a haze. The family stuff was messing with my head and I just wanted some way to have it. I should have taken a step back but he was clever and was pushing me using clever arguments. I even thought that at the time.There was a lot I did that caused this.


@C j

Thank you. I'm sorry about your situation. :( I'm glad you managed to resolve it a little. I did a few things that weren't wise but I guess we live and learn. Hopefully I'll learn at some point! :-/

@Neverthesame

Yes, embarrassingly there was also something on his feedback where someone had been defrauded. I had been looking at two retailers of Tempur and I got them confused. I thought they were the same person and it turns out I hadn't looked at this guys feedback. Huge lesson. I'm normally careful. The other one had 250 + and all positive. This guy definitely wasn't legitimate seller who hit hard times. He is a con artist.

I'm sorry about your experience. I have to admit something similar happened to me a way back. It turned out afterwards that they were going around targeting people and getting away with it often. The police did get them.

I suspect you are very right about people non reporting out of shame. I can totally see how that happens. Can't claim too much credit unfortunately as it was enough money that I just could not afford to not do everything I could to get it back. Especially since it affects others. But thank you a lot for your kind words. The brain is a little more rational today at least!

Very relieved that @Silver was right and my bank seems to be on it. Very impressed with them. Phew. I hope.

 

[anonymous]

@C j
Messed your tag up.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Anon. It happens. You said the guy has a case of fraud alleged against him already?

These kind o...

Holy cow, that is cunning alright

 

[Abstract]

Hahaha! Outed myself by mistake! Serves me right. Was considering doing it but my computer took it out of my hands. Since I tagged everyone there is no point avoiding. Shall just go hide under the table in the corner for a while. :rolleyes::bag::)

 

[Silver.]

I am glad that your bank is on top of things. I am also glad to hear that you are feeling a bit more positive about yourself, and moving on from this. Thank you so much for the update, as I re-read this thread yesterday and then forgot to ask for an update.
I do hope that when the bank comes through you will be able to get yourself a proper mattress, from a reputable seller (either e-bay, or in a store), so you can start having some comfort while you sleep.
Take Care x

(oh, you just posted as I was typing. I know it's easier said than done, but you have no reason to be ashamed. We have all done things like this, even when the red flags are waving furiously. *hugs*)

 

[Neverthesame]

Knowing who you are changes nothing about what I said in my post... well except for the last sentence.

I'm proud of you, whoever you are. :hug:

Proud of you @Abstract :hug:

There we go, much better.:tup:

I'm also glad to hear you will be getting some recompense after this ordeal. I know for myself as well, with a large portion of the money being from a gift, that would add a whole new level of mortified to how I would be already feeling.

Again, so glad you were able to get some recompense for what this con man was so callously willing to steal.

Definitely proud of you. :hug:




Damned anonymous button.... (shakes fist):p

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I relate to a lot of what you say about sleeping and beds. I sleep on the sofa propped up with cushions. Part of it is to do with pain but over the last 6 years I have barely been able to sleep in beds for trauma reasons. I was hoping to try to get myself back and face it a bit more. The mattresses I have give me an out.

Today I can't sleep on my couch as for whatever reason it very much makes the pain worse and I cant move. I think its just my couch. Its leather and old. But there was a time that I was sleeping on a couch because of my trauma. Something against my back made me feel less alone, and Id imagine someone actually there, keeping me safe. Also i can see the front door from the couch.

Today, i own a pitbull so a lot of thise fears and needs have been relieved knowing that no matter how sweet my dog is and how much he loves people, he will always protect me.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

@Abstract :hug::)

 

[anthony]

The beauty of paypal is that they cover you in the event of fraudulent transactions such as this. You will get your money back when a goods purchase is fraudulent, and especially due to what has already happened with the seller trying to bail out, start again and repeat the process.

 

[Abstract]

Hi everyone. :)
Thanks for all the support. You are the best. And too kind. I was very touched. Its seldom I can ever experience something and share it with anyone at the time rather than in retrospect. Or at all for that matter. Usually the latter. Its pretty healing to have done so. Like a hmmmm... that's how it feels thing.

Once things started settling I could separate the normal reactions from the other. Had a dip as the guy had the cheek to send me a short email with further lies. Pleased as I managed to feel a bit of anger and sent him an email back. Told him he was crazy if he thought I was going to believe him (blatant lies again), that I know he does this repeatedly, and that he shouldn't for one minute think that he isn't doing harm. Called him on pressuring and manipulating actions. Was dignified and cutting. Wanted to tell him I reported him to the police but didn't want to give him the heads up. The cheek of him emailing me. It got to me but I guess I also now feel a little less powerless. At least managed to say something. The powerless voiceless feeling wasn't great.

I think one of the worst things about this and what fuelled my self judgement is that I had so many red flags go off and didn't listen to myself. I paid him the same day I dropped my mother off at the airport. My senses and brain were overloaded.

Now I have to wait another week before I can take my claim to the next level.