Hospital

[VioletButterfly]

@sun seeker - Mercy, I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough go of it after working so hard to get the help that you need and deserve. I noted that you said this T is the best, but if he's inconsistent and causing you so much duress otherwise, might it not be a consideration to at least talk to another T? I'm unsure of how your medical system works in Canada, so I'm sorry if this is an inappropriate suggestion, I just thought maybe it might be less stressful to have care that is more consistent if perhaps not as "perfect." Thinking of you and saying many prayers for you. VB

 

[sun seeker]

Anyway, if he's not going to change, it seems like he's very qualified to actually help you to deliberately, intentionally learn to deal with this trigger and 'untrigger' it.

Well... I think the idea is renegotiating the parts of my childhood where I was betrayed, with a trusted person who doesn't betray me. That way I become secure enough to trust. I think that's more or less what he would say.

What he doesn't seem to see is that his erratic behaviour isn't just triggering me so we can work on it; it's retraumatizing me. Too much triggering, too little in the way of repair.

 

[sun seeker]

might it not be a consideration to at least talk to another T?

I know this looks reasonable on the surface, but no. I am in a rural area and while there are trauma therapists nearby, none of them would understand or be able to work with my issues nearly as well as he does. I'm an unusual case to put it mildly. He's up to unusual. Really it's him or nothing.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I was wondering if you are up to writing him a letter telling him about this issue of not keeping his word to you and how badly it is impacting you.:hug:

 

[VioletButterfly]

So sorry to hear this. Sending extra prayers your way. :angelic: VB

 

[shimmerz]

There were times that I had to change my T because I was dealing with 'different issues' than a certain T seemed willing or capable of handling. Is it possible to give him a bit of a break and work on your trust issues with someone who is trustable? That understands better? It seems that this T doesn't get how big this issue is for you. That can be a very slippery slope.

 

[scout86]

I've got to say, if he actually doesn't get this, he's stupid or not taking his job seriously. I can see allowing himself to be inconsistent, if he then helps you see that him being inconsistent isn't a life threatening deal for you NOW. It IS a problem. He ought to be helping you learn to deal

 

[scout86]

Hit the wrong space (AGAIN!) He ought to be helping you learn to deal with the problem.

 

[sun seeker]

I was wondering if you are up to writing him a letter

I have been. Several in fact.

Now I'm wondering if there are any respectable people I could quote on how important it is to be consistent when working with survivors of early trauma. Anyone?

 

[sun seeker]

s it possible to give him a bit of a break and work on your trust issues with someone who is trustable?

I don't think so. I learn to trust very, very slowly. I could get a long way in before I knew I whether I didn't trust someone for good reasons or because I just don't trust. It really feels like he is my last chance.

 

[sun seeker]

I can see allowing himself to be inconsistent, if he then helps you see that him being inconsistent isn't a life threatening deal for you NOW.

He has tried, somewhat. But since he doesn't get how big it is for me, because he himself feels so differently about it and because admitting to himself how big it is would be to admit to himself that he is hurting me... well, he doesn't seem to be able to take it in fully. His theory, which I concur with, is that therapeutic ruptures can be beneficial when the therapist then takes steps to fix what they screwed up, which presumably our parents didn't. A few times I've noted him doing this. With this issue though, either this issue is much bigger than he can take in, or his attempts at fixing his mistakes are too puny, or both.

 

[sun seeker]

I was very explicit in my letters about how my trust is broken and this is retraumatizing me, and that if he wants to rebuild my trust it is going to take a lot of work.

Now I'm scared he'll think he's doing me more damage than good, and give up on me. It feels like a double bind.

And I know for absolute certain that I would never, ever recover if that were to happen. I'd be done.