Are You A Risk Taker, Or Not?

[Dylan]

Hi She-Cat,

I relate to the daily living stuff being tiring to the point where there’s little else I’m up for.

I’ve also had the experience of laughing my ass off with enjoyment while others are freaked out (I’m remembering a time where I pissed off some guy in a car and he was following us with his brights on. I got behind him and we had this fun (I thought) cat-and-mouse thing. I was having a blast when he screeched to a stop and jumped out all upset, charged the car. My partner in the seat beside me was white-faced with fear…while I was laughing, truly having a lot of fun. I was actually surprised to discover that others were upset. I’ve had many experiences like this – others think it’s a serious, scary deal, and I’m actually having a few moments of totally engaged fun).

For me, I also believe that it’s the PTSD – both extremes: having a great time during what, to others, constitutes a scary/stressful situation and leading a rather boring life because just doing what those normal folks do all day is so tiring to me.

I am trying to work with the latter; truly, I don’t want to get to the end of my life and all I can show for it is having watched every episode of Frasier and read every DeMille novel. It has gotten better, but I do envy those people who just dive into life. Without having meant to, I have come to live a very safe, very restricted, dull life.

Take today, for instance. It’s Saturday and I got up early, got all my weekend/house-type chores done. It was a hell of a long-hours work week. What do I do for a reward? Do I go kayaking? Mountain climbing? Out to a great dinner? Time with friends? I sat around and finished the latest DeMille novel. Tonight I’ll probably watch Frasier. Shit.

I’m really trying to work on this - it’s called “lifestyle surgery” in the therapy that I do - but today was obviously just not a shining success.

-Dylan

 

[Deleted member 541]

Dylan,


I love the weekends... I can curl up on the couch with a good book as my companion. It doesn't talk, when I don't want to. It doesn't ask me to get it a drink. I can ignore it if I want. It doesn't control the remote for the TV.. But most important, it's what I truly enjoy doing with my spare time.

I do go out with friends at times. We go out for lunch or dinner, we go shopping, and at times we have gone to a movie. So I am not a complete recluse... I just love having peace and quiet....

 

[fin]

I took one of the biggest risks of my life today. The physical threat was low-ish but the emotional one was massive. And it was a risk that I would recommend to anyone. I think maybe something is happening inside some part of me, and new and different while it is painful, frightening and totally outside of my comfort zone, maybe is not so bad.

Be brave, maybe if someone offers you their hand, they are really offering you their hand.

And you might find it helps to save you somehow. But maybe trusting in yourself will help to show you some...

bliss
~fin

 

[wattle]

I'm not a risk taker, never have been, I'm too afraid of my own shadow to take risks, the small handful of times I've taken small risks(huge to me) they've gone badly and I regreted them afterwards.
There's an add on TV for a recreational equipment store, it bothers me terribly, the add goes along the lines of someone sitting at the computer playing games or a family sitting watching TV together, The voice over man says "That's not living" and flashes to all sorts of outdoor activities, such as water skiing, deep sea fishing and catching the big one. I hate it it always makes me think, yeh right I'm not living. If I could take risks then I wouldn't hate that add so much, I'm sure.
I agree with freya though, your working 5 days a week and your therapist wants you to do more, where do you get the energy for all that.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear She Cat, I agree with the obvious, I too have to get up at about 4:45am and work 5 days/ week, personally I am exhausted. I'm sure it already feels like you are running a marathon, of sorts.

You can find meaning and things you enjoy without sleep deprivation. And it doesn't have to be 'Volunteer work" to contirbute. You contribute by being just who you are and to everyone you meet (at work or otherwise).
You need time for yourself, too.

Best wishes (and sweet, beautiful sleep, too!)

 

[fin]

I have to say, I am really starting to get somewhere with this and it tickles.

I don't know anymore that it is risks, maybe trust. And when we are afraid to trust it becomes risk, and then depending on the level of loss of trust it becomes a massive risk/gamble. And don't gamble with your life you don't need to.

But it isn't a gamble; I believe, if you can begin to trust yourself and begin to know when, what and how. Start chipping away some.. a little.. at a time maybe. And perhaps it will become more comfortable to try to trust and then risk and then...who knows...hopefully good choices.

But maybe it can start somewhere? Try maybe. You may never know until you try, and you will never know if you don't.


Oh and I am amazed that no one sees this internet chat and forum as a risk...yeah keep reading it redeems itself that comment...

This-what we are doing here-is a risk. I can't believe how blasie everyone sees it. For me it was a massive risk joining this forum. But bit by bit...as I am doing this..and each thing is a risk that I am taking, well bit by bit. But I can see that something is happening inside of me. I have been offered a hand...and it didn't hurt me. This for me here was a very big risk but I am begining to see that I trusted, and it can be good, and that feeds in to the good stuff; that reserve- and that can never get too full. Mine was empty before....


~fin

 

[fin]

Sorry I got timed out, I wanted it to read;


If maybe you can start somewhere perhaps try. Because you may never know until you try, and you will never know if you don't.


thankyou.. my bad!!

~fin fluffy

 

[sky dancer]

I feel like it is a risk to join a forum like this. Talking about what has hurt me the most to complete strangers in a vacuum.

 

[fin]

I feel like it is a risk to join a forum like this. Talking about what has hurt me the most to complete strangers in a vacuum.

I was just going to say that you need to read here sky dancer...you need to read as much as you possibly can. And until you start to learn more about yourself it will be very hard, this PTSD has us all, but it doesn't have to be totally all encompassing. The things that have happened to us, each of us here-have been bad, truely bad. But there is so much experience and so much that will teach you and encourage you here sky, please believe me when I tell you, you are not alone in doing this here. You will be able to move past what has happened to you and begin to live again.

We have all been at some point where you are now, and it is only by what you are able to learn for your self and then how you are able to apply it to your own life and situation that you will begin to see that you can move forward. PLease know you are not alone in wondering who it is that is here, we are all strangers except for a lucky few, the point is we all have a common thread that unites us, and that is this pTSD and wanting to be better, wanting to move beyond it and really breathe again.

You, can do this sky..please believe me when I say this to you...you can do this. You are here now, learn from everything that happens and has happened here. You will be surprised at how it will help you.

So start now, today...look at what it is you need to work on today, if it is posting that worries you learn how to do that, if you feel ready to begin a diary go for it...take each day as it comes. And go at your own pace, no one can tell you what you are feeling or ready for. But try to let go of your fear, because until we start to take these risks, or chances on ourselves and really begin to place our trust in something, well until we do it will be slow, and if we dont begin to trust something, if we dont try we will never know. And slow is good too, but see that you can begin to trust yourself a little please, you joined this forum and like me it worried you ...but you did it..and so far it is ok isnt it...go with that.

The decision to come here is one of the best choices I have ever made in my life. I hope you can see that it can be for you also.

~fin

Oh and I just wanted to say...I get the feeling that all hope has not left you, and I get that idea from reading your name...SKY DANCER - sounds optimistic...believe...