Afraid To Feel Re: Traumas

[7Cs]

Feeling is too hard when it comes to traumas. I don't want to do it, it scares me. I'm not even sure how to do it in a "therapeutic" or healthy way. Is there a such thing? When I feel about those things, I either cap it and immediately make it stop or I break down incoherently and irrationally or it makes me sick. Mostly when I think about or talk about it I feel nothing, it's like reading from a book or telling someone else's story, so I almost have to be triggered to feel. In therapy I can feel without a specific trigger but I still lose it or dissociate. Sometimes therapy can put me in an off/on dissociating state for days. We're working on that and I'm learning my limits so we can avoid pushing that hard.

I want to work on my ptsd issues but instead I spend hours reading about it which is just a way to avoid it really.

I want to feel but I don't want to feel so hard that it makes me broken.

 

[Joan]

This makes great sense. I have felt similar. Fear that if I feel it will never stop and i will be totally out of control. I have really learned though that it does not work to shove it down....fight it....it will come out one way or another.
For me a big key has been to learn the skill of containment....to allow the flood of emotions to happen...to acknowledge and allow myself to feel without judgment...then be able to put in a container or whatever works for you and walk away....does not deny those feelings, but does not allow them to rule your life.
Easier said than done though....I am still working on this
I used to do the same thing...reading tons of info...trying so hard....when I let that wall down and quit trying so hard I found it worked better for me.
All that to say don't give up...notice how your body tells you what you are feeling....just be aware and honor and acknowledge. Best wishes.

 

[Chiqui]

That is a very fine line... I can relate perfectly on what you said. For me it works, more or less, inner conversations, like a chat with a caring friend. I have to learn how to do it, with films, comics, novels, songs lyrics, etc..because I find very hard to trust and open myself. Working it with me T also helped. It will come the balance, don't be too hard with yourself.

 

[7Cs]

This makes great sense. I have felt similar. Fear that if I feel it will never stop and i will be totall...

For the last couple days it's been like a bubble under the surface... something but I don't know if it's a want to cry or scream or break things emotion. It's just there like tension or when you know you're going to throw up soon and you want to keep it down because throwing up is awful but you also want to just get it over with. When I feel like that because I have the flu or (this is not often at all) because I drank to much, I'll gag myself to begin the process. But I can't find a solution to this. And I don't want to emotionally throw up unexpectedly all over the people I love. I want to do it safely and contained.... into the toilet where it belongs.

 

[7Cs]

The thing is I don't know why it's under the surface right now, it just is.