mossperson
New Here
Hi everyone,
I am glad to be here. It's nice to to know there is support. I am very grateful.
Today is a little bit harder than normal, but I am glad that I took myself exercise and finish a painting.
I will give a brief history about me.
I came from a family with mental illness history, domestic violence and a very conservative town in Taiwan.
I am the middle child among the rest of my four siblings. My family is very traditional, and was barely to afford to have another girl by the time I was born. My parents gave me up on adoption because I am a girl. Though later, they regretted it and stole me back from the adopting family. I found out this piece of history confronted by my use-to adopted father one day one the way back home from elementary school. I was 7 when I confronted my biological parents, and they admitted the reason they gave me up was because I should be a boy. My dad who was later on diagnosed with bio-polar was extremely violent, unpredictable and often acted out on my mother who is extremely manipulative, now still his co-depandent partner. My childhood was full of blood, violence, hospital visits and police officers, my coping machinism is pleasing people, being a control freak at school among my peers, teachers pet and achieving high academic standers and escapism. Also, being a neglected middle-child, I was also act as the role as a care-taker emotionally and financially for my family until 5 years ago, my therapist give me the permission to stop. I was rapped by my neighbour who was a teen at that time at age 10.
I withdrew myself from my country 8 years ago, because I knew I had to otherwise I believe I would die (possibly suicide) I had built a life for myself at the land down under, and have a very supportive partner. I have also been doing psychological work for the past five years. It is extremely difficult to deal with the sense of helpless, the abandonment, fear, dissociation, guilt and shame. I have been live with depression, anxiety for as long as I could remembered. I have all the support I have now, but a lot of the time, I can only count the seconds and breath. It should be my time to shine now, but the truth is that I ended up in the emergency room two months ago attempting suicide. I can't seemed to shake off the guilt and shame, and to re-wire my brain, telling myself that I deserve better. I know recovery requires time, effort and support, it's been 5 years in the recovery, and it seemed to me it's only just the start of the chapter. I am here to seek/give support, and connection.
I am glad to be here. It's nice to to know there is support. I am very grateful.
Today is a little bit harder than normal, but I am glad that I took myself exercise and finish a painting.
I will give a brief history about me.
I came from a family with mental illness history, domestic violence and a very conservative town in Taiwan.
I am the middle child among the rest of my four siblings. My family is very traditional, and was barely to afford to have another girl by the time I was born. My parents gave me up on adoption because I am a girl. Though later, they regretted it and stole me back from the adopting family. I found out this piece of history confronted by my use-to adopted father one day one the way back home from elementary school. I was 7 when I confronted my biological parents, and they admitted the reason they gave me up was because I should be a boy. My dad who was later on diagnosed with bio-polar was extremely violent, unpredictable and often acted out on my mother who is extremely manipulative, now still his co-depandent partner. My childhood was full of blood, violence, hospital visits and police officers, my coping machinism is pleasing people, being a control freak at school among my peers, teachers pet and achieving high academic standers and escapism. Also, being a neglected middle-child, I was also act as the role as a care-taker emotionally and financially for my family until 5 years ago, my therapist give me the permission to stop. I was rapped by my neighbour who was a teen at that time at age 10.
I withdrew myself from my country 8 years ago, because I knew I had to otherwise I believe I would die (possibly suicide) I had built a life for myself at the land down under, and have a very supportive partner. I have also been doing psychological work for the past five years. It is extremely difficult to deal with the sense of helpless, the abandonment, fear, dissociation, guilt and shame. I have been live with depression, anxiety for as long as I could remembered. I have all the support I have now, but a lot of the time, I can only count the seconds and breath. It should be my time to shine now, but the truth is that I ended up in the emergency room two months ago attempting suicide. I can't seemed to shake off the guilt and shame, and to re-wire my brain, telling myself that I deserve better. I know recovery requires time, effort and support, it's been 5 years in the recovery, and it seemed to me it's only just the start of the chapter. I am here to seek/give support, and connection.
