Grieving Your Inner Child

[katz]

I do have other things, (a bear in particular) that are in my storage unit. I am going to go get it an...

That would be a great idea!
Ask if anyone knows where this came from? Pretend that you don't remember anything about it. I have found that I get a lot more information this way. I just play stupid, like it doesn't matter at all. Yet, inside, I'm taking detailed notes.

I have found out a lot of "things" from my other family members this way. I just off handedly ask if they remember "anything about...." Then just listen, and like I said "take mental notes".

People give out a lot more info, if they think that it doesn't matter. I even ask them questions that I know the answer too. I have learned a lot more about ,my past this way. I have a big problem trying to remember anything about my past.

Example, I had asked each of my family members, seperatly of course, if they remembered anyone with a boat while we were growing up. They all, including parents, said "no".

Then just recently, I mentioned to my dad about the "other family" we knew who lived near my grandparents. He "immediately answered me with a name and a lot of info about them and their boat. (See ! It works!) Then I quickly wrote it down. I tend to "forget" things quickly. LOL

 

[BlueDream]

I ran across this thread and found it interesting because of what happened to me yesterday.
I had dinner...

I definitely think it's called mourning. And I think it's very brave of you.
Thank you so much for all of your helpful info on dealing with getting info from family, and sharing your story. That shows lots of guts too!!

Wow you probably have no idea, neither did I, that I would be needing a reminder about this post!! lol I forget a lot too!!
(Like that I even wrote this)

I have been watching my 2&4 year old nieces for the last few days while their mother has been out of town.
I really had no thoughts of doing some inner child work on this trip, but that's what is taking place. I was going to write about it in my diary, but this is a much more appropriate thread. I can't tell you how perfect your timing is. Thank you so much!!

Each day l feel like I have gotten closer to knowing their wants, needs, demands, comforts, irrationally, love, and need to just be happy.

Thanks for letting me share my take on the last few days.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Hi, @BlueDream! I'm always so embarrassed when I start liking or responding to old threads, but your last post has me rethinking that! So, it's been over a year since you first posted, and I'm curious how things went over the last year, what you tried, etc. Do you feel like sharing?

It's also meaningful to me that the inner child work is coming up again as you are around your young nieces. I have a four-year-old niece that I recently (over the last four months or so) have been spending more time with after not having seen her since she was an infant. That is a meaningful age for me, and my god, she's so tiny and loving and vulnerable. It's freaking me out but it's a good opportunity to do some more inner child work.

I was going to suggest as a strategy for connecting with your own inner child if that's difficult for you is to start by connecting with another child that you either actually know like our nieces

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Oops! Damn Post Reply button!

Anyway, either trying to connect to a real child who you care about, or an imaginary child, but, like, one step removed. Okay, I'm not too articulate right now, so here's an example.

I simply could not imagine having compassion for myself as a child. For some time I couldn't even actually picture myself at various ages. Trying to think of holding and rocking "Little Lola" set my teeth on edge. But I love children, and so what I imagined was how would I treat my own daughter. That was so much easier to connect with, and it was a bridge to really getting in touch with myself as a child.

I still struggle with this, and often use "surrogates" as a bridge to self-compassion and healing. I'm very, very hard on myself. So, I'll remind myself to talk to myself as I would my little niece, or the adult students I work with.

Btw, did you ever pull out your stuffie? I think you mentioned a teddy bear? I recently pulled out my 3 stuffies (there is a picture posted in Media.) That has also helped me reconnect and nurture the little child who survived and who still lives within me.

Take good care of yourself, Blue!

 

[Freedomfighter]

At my first appointment back with my psychologist he suggested that over the next month I take the tim...

Yes, I do that too. Right after I was stalked a couple of cunning criminals employed as security officers went after me. When being triggered Iam just a little helpless child. Those so called security people knew that so they attempted to trigger me and then attack me when Iam at my weakest. Not until a couple of days did I really know that. How could someone I entrusted my safety to do that to me?

 

[loui50]

At my first appointment back with my psychologist he suggested that over the next month I take the tim...

My therapist did an exercise with me where I wrote a letter to my inner child. Then she had me imagine my child self sitting next to me and I read the letter to her. Then I actually had a conversation with her and hugged her. The whole process was guided by my T though. I couldn't imagine doing it alone!

 

[katz]

I definitely think it's called mourning. And I think it's very brave of you.
Thank you so much for al...

I'm glad it helped you.
When you said that you were baby sitting, it made me think of how many times I look at little girls playing. I don't get to watch any of the grandkids or nieces. So I tend to look at other kids. I sometimes ask the parent how old they are. Then, I try to remember myself at that age. I watch them play and how innocent they are. It makes me feel so sad to think that some one would hurt some one that young. It also makes me so sad because that innocence was taken away from me... :(

On a much lighter note... I also have seen what I learned from all this, as I was growing up. (maybe I told this story already-if so- I'm sorry)
I was at my sisters house one time-probably a holiday. I saw my niece have an "argument" with her mom. She went upstairs in tears. I watched my mom (grandma) go up after her. When my mom came back down, I studied her face carefully. ...She had no expression. None. For some reason this instance is one that I remember very well. Maybe she did this to me long ago.

Anyway, I saw her come down with this "no expression" look on her face. So I went upstairs to see how my niece was. I sat down on the bed next to her...I don't remember what I said, but it was "just what she needed to hear."

I was able to relate to her, even if I didn't know the situation. I knew what she needed, because I had been in this same situation and knew what I would want to hear from a grown up.

I think that everyone here should also look to see the good things that we all have learned due to our past experiances, no matter how bad. Some times it's very hard for me to see any "good" in myself, especially when I look in the mirror. (which I try to avoid when ever possible) LOL

 

[katz]

My therapist did an exercise with me where I wrote a letter to my inner child. Then she had me imagine...

I've been told to do this also. I haven't tried it yet! LOL
I heard that you should actually have a conversation, on paper, with this younger you. Like write her what you want to say to her, then let her "write/talk" to you. I read that it is a very good way to let the child speak. They said that the handwriting will actually change as you write for "both of you."
When I read this note. I was amazed because it was exactly what I thought about when I went and reread some of my journal, a while back. The differences in the handwriting are amazing to me!!

There are so many "people" that are writing in this book! Some old, some teens, and some who are so very, very young. I'm trying to find the ....nerve to write to these very young ones. I just have to figure out what to say. I'm still not exactly sure what "she" needs to hear.

I have read that this is also a very good way to give the "child" a chance to "tell", even if she needs to tell the whole thing in detail. What ever is comfortable for her. As I rewrite my tragedies, from year to year, they seem to get different reactions out of me. Some come from the child, some from the "inner parent".
I wonder if the time will come when "we" will all be one person??

 

[BlueDream]

Oops! Damn Post Reply button!

Anyway, either trying to connect to a real child who you care a...

I did pull my bear out, he is sitting next to my bed right now. I have spent a few hours with him next to my chest. Generally not the best of days, but thankfully, I feel like I'm getting a little better. I also put together a small photo album of myself in chronological order.
It's been very interesting looking back at myself, at different stages.
I think the one that blew me away was the pic of me at 7 yrs old next to a current pic, and I can finally see the same person. It took a long time but I see her in me, and now I can keep her safe.

 

[BlueDream]

My therapist did an exercise with me where I wrote a letter to my inner child. Then she had me imagine...

I honestly think doing it alone is the same, it just takes longer because you are guiding ur self. (and I like shiny things, lol)
But really, you are still the one putting in the work and gaining the result, your T is just guiding you along the way. :)

 

[BlueDream]

I'm glad it helped you.
When you said that you were baby sitting, it made me think of how many times I loo...

Thank you for sharing so much of your story. I can totally relate to looking at myself and thinking, my god I was so young. I don't think I want to know what motivates ppl who harm children, I just wish the same on them. I want to believe somehow the universe makes up for what ppl get away with, at least I hope so. (I may need to work on that attitude also, but I'm gonna roll with it for now)

We are made up of years worth of our "selves". I kind of wonder the same about finally becoming the "same whole person" one day.
But maybe it's supposed to be this way, growth and progress change us and we become different ppl, for good reasons.
It's just a shame we had to start so far behind. But I think we are headed in the right direction.

I wish you the best in your healing process!! Thank you again, you have perfect timing :)

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

I see her in me and now I can keep her safe...

That sounds wonderful, Blue. A good exercise.