How Do You Behave In Order To Fit In?

[Freedomfighter]

How do you behave in order to fit in with other people in a group?

Serious question.

I am not...

I am not willing to fit into groups of people that disgust me, that is why I like this forum. At work however I have to pretend to fit in because somehow american companies take offense to employees that do not treat co workers like family.
That entire concept is so outlandish and cliche that I could puke when I hear about that.

That being said, I usually just take a couple of minutes to speak with one person, no one in particular, to speak about a certain subject, just enough to pass as social interaction, and then I get back to being myself.

Because if you are trying to fit in then you are not paying attention to your own needs and wants, then you are changing yourself just to belong to a group, and then I think in essence that would be self denial.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@EveHarrington Apology accepted. Please do me and everyone else a favor.... The next time you think someone is saying something that may set you off.... PLEASE ask for clarification first....

As far as my "navigating" PTSD easily....... I've have 9 suicide attempts, with 3 that were extremely serious. I've had some of the shittiest coping skills, including drinking, smoking pot from age 15-36, driving extremely reckless, driving while drunk, having sex just for the shits and giggles of it even though one of my traumas was rape. Looking for love in all the wrong places. I've been banned from this site twice for being shitty, and the list goes on and on. I've worn my badge of PTSD through the shit and have come out on the other side only to fall smack dab into shit again. So yeah, I navigate it just like everyone else does. GOOD Times, BAD times. I just happen to be going through the GOOD times right now, but the shit will eventually hit me again.....

Clarification works much better, IMO

 

[EveHarrington]

Think it's great that you are here checking out feelings and getting feedback. Truthfully, l never felt...

No. I haven't done any volunteer work. I have tried in the past but I end up bailing out during the application process because it's so scary to me and I fear rejection.

 

[EveHarrington]

I am not willing to fit into groups of people that disgust me, that is why I like this forum. At...

I understand what you're saying. As someone who doesn't fit in anywhere, I must try though or else be an outcast for the rest of my life.

 

[EveHarrington]

To clarify, I am not overthinking this. I can't even tell you the last time I made a new friend. I think it was over a decade ago but I'm not sure. This stuff is HARD for me. It feels shitty to have my problems trivialized to a matter of simply thinking too much. I hate being pushed around and bullied in my own threads, being told what to do and if I don't do it then I'm crapped on and told how I need to fix my behavior. Really? I am not the kind of person who posts trivial problems or daily struggles that have nothing to do with anything. I only post when I'm freaking out inside. I know my problems seem dumb to most people but this is what I deal with on a daily basis. It's very clear to me that I don't fit in here just as I don't fit in anywhere. I tried and I failed. Failed, failed, failed.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It feels shitty to have my problems trivialized to a matter of simply thinking too much. I hate being pushed around and bullied in my own threads, being told what to do and if I don't do it then I'm crapped on and told how I need to fix my behavior. Really?

I dont see anyone trivializing your issues. Personally i was trying to help since i posted about this exact same issue.

 

[NatBird]

Often, by being or playing the part of 'the outsider', ' the invidualist' the one that doesn't fit in. Sometimes, a people pleaser or harmoniser depending on how harsh the lens is.

 

[watundah]

I used to have wicked social anxiety and have advanced greatly, most in part by improving my self esteem. That said, I still have a considerable amount of trust issues thanks to PTSD and am super picky about who I allow over my wall. So a lot of solitude and isolation is by choice. I think a lot of people are really self absorbed and I'm a great listener and an introvert. That means I spend a lot of time listening and not disclosing much because they don't seem interested. I'm also picky about who I hang out with. My ideal are helper types, big hearts who understand true connection and genuine conversation, not the idle surface crap. So, I create my limits as to who gets to fit in vs how I fit in. I guess I could loosen up the parameters and have more "friends" but I'm interested in quality here. Not sure if that helps at all, Eve, but I'm guessing from what I've read here that we'd have a pretty good chat at a coffeehouse.

 

[EveHarrington]

I used to have wicked social anxiety and have advanced greatly, most in part by improving my self este...

Yes, this helps.

Thank you.

 

[aut555]

Yes, this helps.

Thank you.

Think l have felt this way, but now l wade into stuff because l know other people have the same issues. A lot over compensate to fit in by throwing out labels, monetary status, political beliefs, sports to fit in. Some people become pushy to fit in. So l am sorry if l came across insensitive. It just dawned on me that this is a bigger issue for many people.

 

[aut555]

Yes, this helps.

Thank you.

Sorry about typos, l am dealing with stupid divorce agreement. And of course l am completely stressed. This man has had me set up in four car accidents, so l am constantly dealing with some stupid issue or other daily.

 

[anonymous]

How do you behave in order to fit in with other people in a group?

What sort or group? Each group of people you would "fit in" differently depending on the kind of people that are in that group.

I am not looking for "just be yourself" answers

Well, that is what other members of that group is doing. You are something beyond PTSD. What is that? Each person is bringing something to a gathering of people.

The friend thing is off the table then

Fitting in and making friends is very different. Often times friendships are made with the person that "fits in" (aka blends in) the least.

To me fitting in is a more superficial state.

I agree with this.
.

This stuff is HARD for me.

Understood, as it would be for many. But your first question is asking how to fit in a group and this post seems to be asking how to go be around people. Each it's own challenges but which is it? If you are trying to learn how to fit in better then I'm sorry to say, only being around people will teach you that. If you are trying to figure out how to get over something like a fear of people then my advice would be different.

Hopefully this is well received as I'm honestly only trying to help.