Shadows In The Midst Of Flames

[The Albatross]

Warped filters can be worked on and improved. You acknowledge it and that is perhaps where you may want to do some study and get some improvement?

 

[The Albatross]

It matters not one whit, really... what your feelings "were". What are they now?

 

[The Albatross]

Keep it simple, keep it present.

 

[The Albatross]

That your forced partnership has died, I think is not a bad thing. It is indeed a letting go. It is letting go of the idea of a web that you are tangled in and a mutual reassessment of your situation and partnership as it is NOW.

 

[The Albatross]

What is it, that you think you want to "feel" exactly and how are you going to get there? Feedback please.

 

[The Albatross]

Cloud and Townsend have a book that is re-read for me annually (at least, sometimes more) - it had as much or even more to do with my own learning about how to "BE" a safe person than it did assessing my partner: Dead Link Removed

 

[Ironlady]

Personally, I have found "grieving" to be rather over rated. I trend more toward problem solving...

True for some and I think that's great that you found what worked for you but for me I believe because I was told how to feel, what I shouldn't feel and then punished if I went one way or the other? The enmeshment and taking on an other self that didn't belong to me as a child and my own eroding away. I have to be careful because there is such a lack of self that if I question or challenge what I feel too much it then becomes shame, self doubt and self hatred.. the abusive dialog takes over. So I need to give myself permission and be ok with that feeling for a time and allow it to move through and pass over as it arises and apply compassion to it as I'm able. I am not able to redirect it in a more direct analytical present problem solving way, most of the time yet.. I have tried and that tends to cause a spiral too.. Right now I need to know it's ok to feel it even if it spins my wheels for a time.

 

[The Albatross]

Fair enough, and glad that you put more thought into it than your previous posts. I think I would put post 115 in also of where you are on your "map".

 

[The Albatross]

I would though say that I was as a child, teen and young woman rigidly controlled in thought/word/deed. I never have found it personally beneficial to find myself in quicksand and grieve. Far and away more beneficial has been to endeavor to find a way out.

Few here even on this forum would endeavor to suggest that depressive cycling is a cue to effect change by action or conscious choice directed acceptance - but I do.

If I am depressed, I have two choices - act or accept. But yes, it is a process and you have your own.

 

[The Albatross]

Does the dialogue today ease or increase the depression?

 

[Ironlady]

What is it, that you think you want to "feel" exactly and how are you going to get there? Feedbac...

I want to be able to feel and accept all emotions and learn how to integrate them and manage them effectively. How to get there? Honor them as they come and don't shame myself when they arise. Be ok, accept and allow what comes up without identifying it as the entire self. Keep writing down what I'm feeling then going back to identify where it's coming from and why. As far as managing.. learning which feelings belong to me and which ones don't. Who's doing the talking so that I can express what is mine and let go of what is not...

 

[Ironlady]

Does the dialogue today ease or increase the depression?

Increase actually. Because while I admire what you are able to do I can't do that yet so it makes me feel a bit handicapped and incapable. Small. (Inner child feelings)