Relationship The Line In Terms Of Health And Safety

[Deleted member 33287]

At what point do you say a suffers behavior is either out of control or hurting me too much that gives you the right to reach out to their support system saying what's going on

 

[Hope69]

I think you need to ask yourself at what point you feel you need support if you are feeling hurt by someones behavior. Do you have a support system, people you can reach out to for your own support?
If you are fearing for anothers safety, then reaching out to those who can help that person as well is deserved.

 

[Friday]

gives you the right to

None. At no point do I have that right.

I can make the choice to, at any point; phone 911 / friends / family / etc. because I'm worried about someone. Doing so, however, is likely to have either short term or long term consequences... Unless I do have the legal & moral right to make decisions for someone else (the parent of a minor child, for example)... Including, if they feel you have completely overstepped your bounds;

- Ending the relationship
- Filing for various types of restraining orders
- Charging you with harassment/ breaking a no contact order/ stalking/ etc. if you've already been warned off. Officially or I officially.
- Suing you for slander/ libel/ defamation of character/ lost wages/ etc. as the case may be, regardless of whether you've been warned off in the past or not. ((For example, if I'm worried someone is suicidal and I phone their boss, or send the police to do a welfare check on them at work? That can cause them to easily lose their job. Even if they've never been suicidal a day in their life, I've just created a helluva shitstorm in their life Or send out a mass email to their friends & family? These are not ways to protect someone. These are ways to deliberately hurt someone. Which has both civil & criminal charges attached.))
- The unofficial "back off" route. Not everyone goes through the courts. Other people go through the ER. As in back the hell off or get a beat down.

So there are a wide spectrum of possible consequences, dependent in part on who I tell what how to. And also how they themselves choose to take what I have to say, as well as how the people I'm going over their heads to talk with take what I have to say.

And I have made that choice, a time or three. But I also know that in doing so, I'm likely sacrificing the friendship/relationship. At the least. So I need to handle myself with composure in the process.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I would under no circumstances reach out to anybody involving her. She hasn't spoken to you in months and she doesn't want a relationship.

This is frankly not your concern. If you are hurt, it's your own thinking and emotions, and that is something that has nothing to do with her.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I would under no circumstances reach out to anybody involving her. She hasn't spoken to you in month...

I'm asking in general. Trying to raise awareness to mental health and making a connection with drug use to promote mental health safety

 

[Friday]

Trying to raise awareness to mental health and making a connection with drug use to promote mental health safety

????

 

[joeylittle]

Basically, if there's anything of real concern you want to say, you need to take it to the person directly.

This is especially clear in a situation where you aren't part of the support system.

In other words, your judgement that the person is out of control? That's your opinion. If it's bothering you to see that happening, say so or remove yourself from the situation.

If they are the source of your emotional harm? That's on you. They might be the source, but they are not the cause. Remove yourself from the source.

If you were in this persons circle of support, and you had a mutually accountable friendship or relationship, there might be a different answer.

But you're not in this persons life anymore. And you're only rubbing salt in your own wounds by keeping yourself involved. Seriously.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Question answered let's delete this thread

 

[lostforgottensoul]

you're only rubbing salt in your own wounds by keeping yourself involved. Seriously.

Agreed.

Honestly, if I had an ex I left and dont speak to call my circle of people to tell them anything id be over livid.

My family does this, they call my dad & step mom, and its infuriating. Mostly because they arent around me they are mostly WRONG as they have part information and then fill in the blanks themselves to make completely wrong information to then give my dad that wrong information who then confronts me with it and I have to then spend forever correcting it.

Whether you think you have full correct information, it doesnt matter. You arent part of that support system so you have no right doing that.

 

[Casey_03]

I think reaching out in this situation would be seen as a threat. Even if it's not meant as one. The one time I had someone do this to me it was an abuser lashing out at me and pretending he had my best interests at heart. But it was meant as an act of war to humiliate me and alienate me from my colleagues and friends.

 

[joeylittle]

let's delete this thread

I'm sorry @Statsattack, we don't delete threads on request. No-one is answering to humiliate you. I think your reference to drugs and raising awareness to mental health is in regards to you believing that her friends are not fully aware of how she might be hurting herself right now...is that right?

It's a sad thing, but there is no helping people that don't want to be helped. If you want to clear your conscience of a legitimate concern, you can write her a letter. Heck, if you have things you just want to say, write a letter. Writing it doesn't mean you have to send it, and sometimes writing a letter helps people in these situations. Write out everything you want to say, no holds barred, 100% of it - and then let it sit for 48 hours. See how you feel.

Those are things that you can do for yourself, to help you. In terms of helping her - it can be hard to accept, but that might not be your role in her life anymore.