We had the potential for a perfect life. There were horrible blips where he would disassociate/meltdown/episode - we didn't know it was ptsd, all that would happen is he would withdraw, start looking on sites for other women, leave for a few days, call other women, make me crazy, and then come home and after some time start our perfect life again ( oxymoron).
It's been four months since the last withdrawal from me and looking for other women which ended up with him leaving because he had promised that if he ever became violent he would leave immediately, and he slapped me and pushed me to the floor and just looked at me there. Even hours later it didn't register with him, just kept reading a book, and I made him leave. He is now living in a nice apartment, still wears his wedding ring, still says this is his home, started one therapy which was harmful and he stopped, now is starting schematherapy, but he just cut me off. Stopped any communication. Tells other people we are a couple but wouldn't even have a conversation with me and when I initiated he would blow me off so many times, and then be hurtful, and I reacted badly to that, so a summer with zero, except a bit of negative communication.
I finally pulled myself together, and just reached out to him calmly, peacefully, suggested we get a coffee, we met and spoke a few times calmly, I deliberately said nothing about us. Last week he said he's been thinking and thinks he would like to ask me out to dinner, I asked him where the thinking went and he said he was going to ask me after he showers. I sent a smiley. That was it, six hours later he texted me asking how my day was.
I am air to this man. He doesn't care about me. I reach out, I still have feelings, but as far as I can tell he is happy in his loneliness and when he even thinks about just having lunch with me ( and we were going to live our whole lives together) he disappears.
And through it all he keeps lying about where he's been, what he's done.
So this week I got the newsletter which was perfect timing, says once they move out they don't come back and that is pretty clear to me. I told him he needs to take his stuff and he has been putting it off for months but now he said he will take it this week.
How do you deal with going from someone who was supposed to be there your whole life, and then he doesn't even carry through on a lunch invitation, who won't have anything to do with me and is looking for other women but still insists on telling other people we're a couple. I don't know if he is confused, or just manipulative because he doesn't want the world to know we aren't together for all kinds of selfish reasons, but nothing seems to be about me at all.
He didn't leave because of me, he doesn't want to come back ( even though he says that's his dream "when he gets better") he kept his status as in a relationship ( as far as I know, only his friends can now see his page) he still wears his ring! and yet he couldn't care less about me. Doesn't ask how I am, doesn't ask if there are things in the house that need to be done,
I can't understand any of this, all I know is that I'm not a factor in anything, I was in love, had a life, had a future, and now I have this enigma out there that only knows how to be cruel or absent.
I need to get over it. I don't know how.
It's been four months since the last withdrawal from me and looking for other women which ended up with him leaving because he had promised that if he ever became violent he would leave immediately, and he slapped me and pushed me to the floor and just looked at me there. Even hours later it didn't register with him, just kept reading a book, and I made him leave. He is now living in a nice apartment, still wears his wedding ring, still says this is his home, started one therapy which was harmful and he stopped, now is starting schematherapy, but he just cut me off. Stopped any communication. Tells other people we are a couple but wouldn't even have a conversation with me and when I initiated he would blow me off so many times, and then be hurtful, and I reacted badly to that, so a summer with zero, except a bit of negative communication.
I finally pulled myself together, and just reached out to him calmly, peacefully, suggested we get a coffee, we met and spoke a few times calmly, I deliberately said nothing about us. Last week he said he's been thinking and thinks he would like to ask me out to dinner, I asked him where the thinking went and he said he was going to ask me after he showers. I sent a smiley. That was it, six hours later he texted me asking how my day was.
I am air to this man. He doesn't care about me. I reach out, I still have feelings, but as far as I can tell he is happy in his loneliness and when he even thinks about just having lunch with me ( and we were going to live our whole lives together) he disappears.
And through it all he keeps lying about where he's been, what he's done.
So this week I got the newsletter which was perfect timing, says once they move out they don't come back and that is pretty clear to me. I told him he needs to take his stuff and he has been putting it off for months but now he said he will take it this week.
How do you deal with going from someone who was supposed to be there your whole life, and then he doesn't even carry through on a lunch invitation, who won't have anything to do with me and is looking for other women but still insists on telling other people we're a couple. I don't know if he is confused, or just manipulative because he doesn't want the world to know we aren't together for all kinds of selfish reasons, but nothing seems to be about me at all.
He didn't leave because of me, he doesn't want to come back ( even though he says that's his dream "when he gets better") he kept his status as in a relationship ( as far as I know, only his friends can now see his page) he still wears his ring! and yet he couldn't care less about me. Doesn't ask how I am, doesn't ask if there are things in the house that need to be done,
I can't understand any of this, all I know is that I'm not a factor in anything, I was in love, had a life, had a future, and now I have this enigma out there that only knows how to be cruel or absent.
I need to get over it. I don't know how.
