Thanks everyone for your perspective and viewpoints - it's all been really helpful :). I think taking into account everything you have said, i can easily go through periods of being symptom free and feeling happy and content (using exercise and CBT or learned optimism techniques) and then sometimes I'll have a downturn, and then I can go back for more intensive trauma treatment to help me out of the hole. I am happy with that and feel hopeful and optimistic :). I think for me a big part of it is just accepting the suffering of it and accepting that it will always be in my life, and then using tools and techniques to support my own happiness and wellbeing so that I can live a happy life, in-between those times. Hard when you are naturally pessimistic and prone to anxiety and depression, but I think it just highlights the importance of incorporating daily practices that support contentment and equilibrium.