Childhood Why Do Sexual Abuse Victims Recant?

[Heather]

My daughter and her friend (Brianna) across the street were both sexually abused by the girl upstairs.

Now 10 months later Brianna has gone and apologized to that girl and her mother saying she made it all up, that she wanted attention.

My daughter was in that attic saw Brianna and two other girls being abused by that girl. she said to me, "mom why would Brianna say that?" I didn't have an answer.

I told my daughter you know the truth.

My daughters therapist and I spoke for a long time this afternoon and she said its not uncommon for victims to recant. she may have been pressured, didn't want to feel like an outcast... the reasons she stated go on and on.

I'm left feeling like wtf? We are in a better place now. I think this kind of information is not good for my daughter and her emotional well being. she is left feeling confused and doesn't understand why Brianna would take it back.

I've worked very hard on not being so reactive. I see my therapist on Thursday and will talk it out with her about how to proceed. My daughter is getting this information from one of the kids still in that neighborhood. I think she should cut ties with her indefinitely if this is the kind of stuff she's telling Nicole. nothing good can come from knowing this kind of information. but I'm not gonna do anything until I have time to process this and talk to my therapist.
I don't want this in my life. I don't want to know what goes on in that neighborhood with all its dysfunction. I purposely have stayed away for this very reason.

It makes me nuts and feels like my emotions are unraveling when I hear this kind of insanity.

 

[EveHarrington]

I understand recanting.

You want your old life back. You want to be the person you were before the abuse. You want the pain and anger and fear to all go away.

Recanting is a way to attempt to go back to the way things were. Denial is very tempting.

Unfortunately you can't un ring a bell. Pandora's box can't be closed.

I urge you to support your daughter in any way you can. I hope you can support her in a neutral kind of way, so that in the future when she tries to come to terms with the abuse, she will feel comfortable coming to you.

I know it's not easy. :hug:

 

[Heather]

I do support my daughter. I just don't share about it on the open forum but I've done nothing but advocate for her like mad for that past 10 months.

This thread isn't about my support of her... its about understanding and coping with Brianna's saying it never happened.

Nicole does come to me how do you think I found out about Brianna recanting? from my daughter.

 

[Missycat]

This can be driven by fear, embarrassment and a sense wanting to return to 'normal' ie how they felt before the abuse.

As an adult and survivor of CSA i can totally understand this, there are so many emotions to deal with for the child.

I agree with Eve in that it is important how you support your daughter so that she can be open and honest with you and feel comfortable talking to you about it.

I wish you both well during this difficult time. Stay strong :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Fear, shame, many MANY reasons. Some of the same reasons kids dont tell. Maybe her parents denying it making her then to say it was made up. Many reasons.

This must be hard for you both, Im so sorry! :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh I'm sorry you didn't like my response. I meant no harm. I'll bow out now.

 

[PointlessExistence]

Did her therapist tell her the reasons for Brianna's recanting, like she told you? Maybe not all of them, but ones that she could understand at her age? I know how you feel. Brianna's change of tune can really be (unintentionally) messing with your daughter's mind. I hate when kids learn to doubt the reality and/or importance of what they know to be. It is just another way a child's core can be shaken. I hope the effects on your daughter are minimal.

 

[Heather]

I don't mean to be oversensensitive @EveHarrington the last time I posted about my experience dealing with this the thread got really ugly and I basically felt like people were calling me a shitty mom. I was deeply offended because I truly am doing the best I can for my daughter.

So, I don't post in open forum about the last 6 months.... so if I came off as bitchy I apologize.

 

[joeylittle]

My daughter is getting this information from one of the kids still in that neighborhood

I hate to ask, but is the neighborhood kid a reliable source? (As in, do you know for sure that's what Brianna actually did? It could be what Brianna told a peer, it could be true, it could be un-true...)

 

[Heather]

@PointlessExistence yes, her therapist did explain to her and she said they would keep having a dialogue about why kids recant.... to help her understand.

This is just so hard. I don't want this.

I've had enough.

I can finally get through a day without crying, a therapy session without sobbing and then information like this surfaces and the tears are flowing.

Not sure who i'm crying for maybe myself, maybe my daughter, maybe Brianna...... maybe all 3 of us.

 

[Heather]

@joeylittle you raise a good point. my mom said the same thing. how reliable is Adriana's information.

Since I stay away from that neighborhood like it has the plague I have no first hand knowledge if what she's telling Nikki is true or not.

I don't know how to find out if it is true... other than having contact with those people and for my own emotional well being that's not gonna happen

 

[Heather]

@lostforgottensoul you are such a good friend :). Brianna's dad took her to the forensic interview so I can't see him disbelieving her now.

Although he did tell me he didn't really care that Brianna was back playing with that kid. and when iaskd him if he was 100% sure shed be safe he said no. he also didn't know that Brianna was going back into her house.... which was supposed to be off limits.

But i'm done trying to figure out other people... so maybe you are right. I don't think Brianna's mom fully believed her