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Mental Paralysis?

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Today l finally acknowledged this. Anything tied up to ex could send me this route. The emotions l felt with anything l had to do that were somehow tied to ex froze me up. So following up on a bill because it goes back to him could be super hard for me to do. I now have climbed out of that rut. There are less things connected to him so the emotional distance is finally there. And l feel much more free, so my brain does not try to block so much that was attributable to him. Everything was pure torture when l lived with him, now those feeling have subsided, thank god. In fact, l fine it extremely difficult to even consider another person in my life again.
 
As we speak I am procrastinating about a paper. Maybe feel overwhelmed. I know I should break it into small pieces but I just donwanna do it right now. Haha but I have deadlines and tons to do. It's irritating. I also get the white noise like a tv on with no channels just fuzz. Uggg feel for you!!
 
It's like an engine revving but you can't leave the starting line. All systems are firing, but you are immobile. I think it's fear. Fear of doing, of not doing, of risk, of engagement, mostly of failure because c-PTSD makes me a people pleaser no matter the cost to yourself. ANYTHING not to be scolded/punished. My sister says I hide, and she is right. The white noise thing -- the internal brain buzzing -- I get that too. For me it's a weird repetitive rhythm in my head, like a background beat, very slow. Just became aware of this and cannot figure out its role in my thought patterns.
 
Good Morning All, Does anyone else suffer from PTSD-generated procrastination? I constantly struggle...
Yes, everyday.
I dare not 'plan' anything too far ahead for example....I think once I've learned how to manage the triggers and flashbacks better it'll be easier for me to stop procrastinating (I hope)
That said, on a good day like today, once I make up my mind about getting something done, nothing stops me (I become ocd) I bulldoze my way through it...
 
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