Kicked Out Of Church

[Deleted member 37094]

I am so upset because I was just kicked out of my church and one of my friends from church blocked me. She blocked me on Facebook and wouldn't say why, first she unfriended me and when I asked if I had done anything to offend her she said yes, when I asked what it was she said to talk to my pastor about it because she wasn't going to talk about it anymore, and to leave her alone then blocked me. I found out later from my pastor that it was because I had vented about her and my church excluding and disliking me online, and continued to do so after she and the pastor asked me to stop, but I was only trying to get advice and needed someone to talk to, but I can see why that would upset her and I am very sorry and don’t know if she will ever forgive me. But we are Christians and she said she would always love me but now I'm not sure. On top of that, the pastor spoke to my parents about this like Im some sort of child. As if being ostracized by my church and friends wasnt enough. But more importantly I will never ever find another church or another group of friends like this one. And I screwed up and missed out on being a part of the best church in existence and being friends with the most amazing people out there. And I will never feel like this about anyone else or any other church ever because I will always miss them and won't get over not being at that church and having my friend reject me.They are the best church because they are always having parties and going out to eat and long road trips to megachurches, and because of the close family dynamic that their young adults group has.I really, really want to go back to my church I was kicked out of. I cant stop thinking about it all the time and want to know if theres anything I can do to be accepted back into that church. It was like a family to me and a home and now I just feel so empty and incomplete without being a part of that church.
Also,I created a fake profile to friend request my friend after she blocked me to see if she was talking about me, and she messaged me saying my real name, Stop Adding me! Like how did she know it was me?? And this happened months after her blocking me. And then she messaged me saying if who is this? If this is Ashley, I will get a restraining order on you if you dont leave me alone." A restraining order wth? And this is when she wouldnt even let me apologize or say why she blocked me.So do you think she would get a restraining order if I made a new profile of me to send a message apologizing and explaining that all I want is some closure? Because she just blocked me and told me to leave her alone without saying why.

 

[Holdingontohope]

I had something kind of similar happen before. My pastor and his wife were my foster parents for a while as a teenager. Once I aged out, I rented a room from them in one of their church buildings. They were like family too me. The were perfect in my mind. They were the family I had always wanted and never had. Then they heard a rumor about me and believed it. They kicked me out of my home, my church, and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I was devasted. I felt like I was loosing everything I had, everything that mattered to me, everyone that I thought cared about me, etc.

Honestly now, looking back on it some 10+ years later, it was the best thing that could have happened. They were toxic for me. They didn't care about me. They were not caring, understanding, supportive people. Thanks to getting kicked out of that church, I was put on a different path. A path that led to meeting some of the most truely kind, compassionate, supportive people I have ever know. If I had stayed there, I wouldn't have all the blessings I have in my life today.

I guess what I am trying to say is that this isn't the end. Your "friend" doesn't sound like they were a very good friend. It doesn't sound like a very supportive environment for you. I understand it hurts to loose someone you are close to in this way. It's nice to be able to get closure. Closer doesn't come from someone else always though, sometimes it's from inside of you. If this person is threatening to get a restaining order then don't contact them anymore. They are making their boundary line clear. You can make new friends. You can find a new church. You can surround yourself with people who are truely good for you. I'm not trying to diminish or dismiss what you are going through. I just want to say that this is something you can make it through and come out even better off on the other side.

 

[Deleted member 37094]

I had something kind of similar happen before. My pastor and his wife were my foster parents f...

I dont want to go to another church, I want to go back to this one. Is there any chance of that happening?

 

[EveHarrington]

In an ideal world, people would give you another chance.

Unfortunately you bad mouthed people online. Are you aware that once you put something online, it never goes away? Depending on what you said, someone could actually bring libel charges against you.

Your friend has set a boundary yet you refuse to abide by her boundary. Do you know how upsetting it can be when someone won't abide by a boundary and forces themselves into your life? ITS TERRIFYING! In the end it doesn't matter why you want to talk to your friend. She is threatening you with a restraining order. It's time to back off before you get a legal record.

Don't create a new profile. Back off and leave your friend alone. She doesn't deserve to be treated like this, regardless of your intentions.

Signed,
Someone who fights like a rabid dog when people repeatedly cross my boundaries when I request a simple thing called space. (Yes, it IS that big of an issue.)

 

[Deleted member 37094]

In an ideal world, people would give you another chance.

Unfortunately you bad mouthed people o...

All I said was I was upset because I feel like people at my church dont like me because they exclude me and dont invite me places. I didnt even use thier names, someone in a FB group stalked my profile and was able to find out which church and which people from the posts I was tagged in.

 

[Deleted member 37094]

and are you saying that because I bad mouthed people online thats unforgivable and they wont give me another chance with the church?

 

[Crystal Rose]

I am so upset because I was kicked out of my church and my friend from church hates me now, unfri...

I felt alienated from my conservative Baptist church when I was 17 because my grandmother was Pentecostal and took me to a revival. I came back asking questions about speaking in tongues and was pariah-ed from my bible study, no longer allowed to lead worship in my youth group etc. etc. My youth pastor even scheduled a sit down with my father and I to "get me back in line". My dad stood up for me and told me that he loved that I spoke my mind and sought the truth. I will always be grateful to my parents during that time.

Sadly the evangelical movement in America is far from what I believe fosters a community that uplifts those who need it the most or actually emulate anything that is Christ-like. Jesus hung out with lepers and prostitutes. He fed the poor and forgave anyone who asked.

Being essentially "excommunicated" from this community of yours is not okay. You shouldn't have to accept their dogmatic interpretation of what they are doing to you. Looking back I'm glad I had the experience that I did with my church because it only strengthened me and helped me study various philosophies and other world religions and decide the truth/come to a conclusion for myself. Sure I went backpacking and on amazing trips with my church group. It sucked to feel shunned - but I got over it pretty fast.

You are not incomplete without them. You are strong. If you really want to go back to this community maybe have a friend in the church who could help you write a letter to the elders stating your case. I'm sorry you are going through this. Trust me when I say it's good to come out on the other side and you are going to be okay no matter what. Hang in there.

 

[Holdingontohope]

I dont want to go to another church, I want to go back to this one. Is there any chance of that h...

I would say it's time to just chalk it up as a loss and move on. That's just my opinion though. Writing a letter to your pastor asking if there are any conditions in which you could be readmitted to the church might be a way to find out if there is any chance of going back. As long as the pastor hasn't said not to contact him/her and your letter is written in a courteous manner, that shouldn't cause a problem.

I agree with what EveHarrington said too. Your friend has set a clear boundary and that should be respected.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Do you think she will ever forgive me or at least allow me to talk to her and apologize?

That is something only she can answer. Sometimes people hold grudges but that's their issue, not yours.

I understand this feels like abandonment and that hurts and I know that churches and "church people" can be very judgemental but the only thing I think you can do is appologize if you can and then provide some space.

What have you learned from this? Everything has a lesson in it and one thing you must remember is that all you can control is you.

Is there any chance of that happening?

I don't think churches block people from attending so i dont know why not.

If they are judgemental asses then I wouldn't waste my time. But that's just me.

Why do you want to go to this church specifically and not another?

 

[Holdingontohope]

and are you saying that because I bad mouthed people online thats unforgivable and they wont give...

I don't think that's what @EveHarrington was saying at all (sorry if I am stepping in out of place). I think Eve was stating facts about posting things online and the possible consequences of that. She also gave some great advice on respecting others boundaries from the perspective of someone who has had their own boundaries crossed.

 

[EveHarrington]

All I said was I was upset because I feel like people at my church dont like me because they excl...

Oh well that sounds different. Sadly people do crappy things online. They like to start trouble------a simple vent can be blown out of proportion if it's read by someone who is a drama queen/king who wants to start trouble even though it's none of their business. People on Facebook live for this stuff. I deactivated my account because I was tired of the drama. It's a bit crazy on there and everything is so far removed from reality that it's not worth my time.

 

[EveHarrington]

and are you saying that because I bad mouthed people online thats unforgivable and they wont give...

No, I am not saying it's unforgivable. We can't force others to forgive us though. I think if you really do want to make amends then you'll contact the pastor and explain things to him. Ask to meet with him in person and show that you're remorseful for all that's happened. All you can do is put your best foot forward and if people don't want to accept that you are human and make mistakes, then it may indeed be time to move on. It may be a hard lesson to learn, but I honestly believe that it's best not to air dirty laundry online on social media as it can do much damage to relationships and it never goes away (even if we delete it, it's never really gone).