Relationship The Affects Of Ptsd On Relationships And Intimacy

[alegna]

I'he been in a relationship with my bf for almost 2 yrs. PTSD has ruined our relationship. He always promised to get help from the VA but never made good on his promises. I am also an army brat. My father also suffered from ptsd from the Vietnam war. My father utilized therapy and meds when VA formally acknowledged the mental issues that ptsd causes. My bf on the other hand refuses to get help. His episodes are abusive,not physically, but abusive nonetheless. He's controlling, selfish, explosive, negative, he talks about his self constantly. If you don't agree with him he puts you down. He's not helpful around the house. I decided today that, I deserve better. If he doesn't think he needs help, what can I do. I have only one life to live. No doovers.

 

[Pebbles5280]

Sounds very similar to my situation. I feel like I'm involved with 2 different people and the one I fell in love with is the one I rarely see anymore. My NavyDoc had a recent hospitalization and is now on new meds. He seemed to be doing better but over the last couple of weeks the alcohol has increased again and the meds are basically useless. He has the opportunity to try EMDR but is very hesitant about trying it. My best advice to you is to take care of yourself, get as much information as you can on PTSD and make sure this is something you really want to do. It's hard, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I won't lie, most days I wake up and ask myself why I do this. On the rare occasions that I see the man I fell in love with, I remember why. He's in there somewhere and by the grace of God, I hope I'll see more and more of him.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Bunkers1988]

*takes deep breath*

As much as I love my boyfriend and want to have a life with him, not to mention t...

Girl, I totally understand what you're feeling. I was seeing an amazing man that I knew for a long time. He and I reconnected years later after he was in the military for 8 years (he and I weren't in contact when he was in the military) and seemed to just have a connection and not just physical but emotional as well. He's the only man I've truly ever loved and will ever love. The first time we started seeing each other was only for a couple months and all of a sudden he started seeing someone else and texted me on new years of this year to tell me even though I already knew he was. I was devastated but knew that he wasn't ready for a relationship or anything serious. After that ended a couple months later he and I reconnected and were going strong for almost 7 months till I found out I had PTSD because of my childhood. He was nothing but supportive when I told him about my past and I had finally let him in, not only my heart but my soul. A couple months later out of nowhere he starts seeing a coworker from work. I was heartbroken, devastated and didn't know how to make sense of it. My reaction probably wasn't the best as I blocked him on fb, changed my number and told him to have a good life and good luck with everything. I don't want to give up on him and can't see myself giving up on him. I just don't know how to come back from what happened. I'm getting back into counseling and working on dealing with my issues. Letting him go and pushing him away was the hardest thing I've had to do in a very long time. I did unblock him from fb and messaged him letting him know how I felt and told him I would like to build a friendship one day but need time to deal with what happened. You aren't the only one out there dealing with this kind of situation. Hang in there sister.

 

[Ghostly]

I don't post often but I always swing by and do some reading when mine is off in isolation mode, and it always makes me feel better and less alone.

Miss Amber I completely understand how you feel. My guy can be such a wonderful loving partner and we are incredibly close one day, to completely vanishing out of my life without a word the next. The separation can last a few days, a week, a month... 3 months was the longest so far. We've been together over 6 years. We don't live together, probably never will, he needs to much time on his own.

In a way, it does get easier. You realise they will come back, and that in their way they are coping. The terror that they're going to leave you or kill themselves diminishes every time they don't leave you or kill themselves. And you learn ways to deal with things. You learn that the less you try and communicate, the faster (sometimes) they come back. You learn not to depend on them when they're like this because THEY DO NOT CARE. Not because they are heartless or evil but because they can't care. Their mind and energy are elsewhere. You can't have the same expectations of someone who is isolating as you do in your usual day to day relationship. And trying to guilt them makes things a thousand times worse. There's nothing they can do. It's awful to see someone you love suffering. It's heartbreaking to be continually abandoned. It's psychologically torturous to be in a happy relationship but to know that at any second you could be suddenly alone, for a completely indeterminate length of time.

It does get easier. But it never gets easy. It still breaks my heart. Every time.

 

[Buttercup]

I don't post often but I always swing by and do some reading when mine is off in isolation mode, and it always makes m...

Ghostly, I completely relate to what you wrote. Thank you for posting. It helped me a lot.