General Triggering One Another When Both Have Ptsd

[Lionheart]

This, I believe, is one of the first times I have posted in the supporter area.

I am trying to figure out how I can best support my sister and my daughter when my symptoms are triggering their symptoms. (we all have PTSD)

If I am upset and anxious it tends to make them uncomfortable and triggers their anxiety, neg. thinking etc.

Any thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Lionheart777

 

[Killashandra]

It's like walking on eggshells. Each one scared to step just in case there's a trigger..

My only helpful hint would be to acknowledge the triggers as they come and just say something like Heads up, its not you its me..... like a safe word.. to let each one know that there is a triggering aspect, we can't avoid them all the time but if you perhaps work as a team it will make education and recovery better. it's exhausting tip toeing around.

I have put in place with my close ones that if there is a trigger, they say the safe word and then we talk well mainly they talk about it to release it, or I just go to another room so they can express thier emotions healthily, I talk to my t about things, I still find it hard to be open and honest I'm still feel shame and unworthiness.

That's my thoughts. Good luck lion heart. It's gotta be tough. Hugs

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's exhausting when you make yourself responsible for somebody else being stressed or triggered. You will make yourself nuts trying to "be perfect", and that is just impossible.

Ultimately you have to come to the understanding that everybody is responsible for their own stress levels and triggers. Unless you are specifically and maliciously doing something that you know reminds them of their trauma, you are not "triggering" them. THEY are being stressed or triggered, and they need to own that. You're just living your life, and life can't revolve around their PTSD all the time.

It probably sounds harsh to the other side, but that's a big aspect of being a good supporter. You have to drop the guilt, and you can't walk on eggshells. While we all try our best to lower stress levels and be sympathetic when our sufferers are symptomatic, we can't blame ourselves.

 

[Lionheart]

It's exhausting when you make yourself responsible for somebody else being stressed or triggered. You will make yourself nuts trying to "be perfect", and that is just impossible.

Ultimately you have to come to the understanding that everybody is responsible for their own stress levels and triggers.

Thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom @Sweetpea76

I agree with you wholeheartedly and find it a relief that I can be sympathetic and kind without being responsible for their triggers / feelings. I would never maliciously trigger someone else's PTSD and we are talking about my loved ones so it kinda goes without saying.

I will let them know that I feel for their situation but that they need to be the ones to manage their own stress levels.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's very easy to fall into doormat or martyr mode as a supporter @Lionheart777. That's just not healthy for anybody, and I can see that being extra stressful for somebody with PTSD as well.

We have to take care of our own mental health too. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

I think as long as you aren't being verbally abusive or taking things out on them, it's up to them to manage their stress levels. That's sort of how we operate here with the no trigger warning thing, right?

 

[Ronin]

I & mine tend to work the harder on boundaries and timing.

As in ask if this particular thing is doable right now / can go into it / to what depth, and negotiating when will we have a talk about issues if now isn't the time for them. But I think this may be very dependent on personalities, we're mostly all used to postponing massive chunks of emotions until it's a time and place for dealing with them, which may not be doable if you haven't gone on that mode for a while yet.