Terminal Illness And Acceptance

[lostforgottensoul]

they are called Blue

Blue are E-Cigs and the very kind that I got and it didn't work. But all are different.

Not sure what you mean by throat hit, but the blue actually hits throat and makes me cough.

Blue does, until you get used to them. I've been smoking vaporizer for over 2 years and there is still a throat hit that I can feel. I can feel it much more then I did with Blue.

You can google what the differences are with vaporizers and e-cigs. Vap stores, all that i've been to sell e-cigs too as do all vap sites I've been to.

getting lung infections from not changing filter (or coil)

It leaks and all liquid would leak out before you'd get a lung infection.

Again, all are different. I tried an e-cig on my own and it didn't work and my therapist advised to try a vaporizer as it was a better delivery system but the biggest help, to me, was my motivation to stop. Don't have a lot of motivation then neither will help.

Oh, also, I have 10 batteries. Some stopped working but none exploded.

Anyway, research, maybe get one of each. See what works.

I also had to play around with flavors. For vap there is PG and VG (colored and clear) and had to play with that. Also, you can make your own vap liquid. Its rather cool.

 

[Lionheart]

No offense intended but before we get too far off-topic, I'd like to remind everyone that the thread is about accepting terminal illness.

Thanks,
Lion

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Lionheart777 I too have COPD. I quit smoking 13 yrs ago and was officially diagnosed 11 yrs ago. I started smoking at age 8 and didn't quit until I was 50, so I had smoked for almost my entire life, before I quit.

I am the worlds worst reformed smoker. I hate the smell, I hate everything about it. I hope that you can quit, because with every puff, you just do more damage.

I don't think about dying. I know that the COPD, may eventually get me, but I also look at it like this.... NONE of us get out of here alive. We all die, we all die from something. We aren't guaranteed anything in this life except death. From the minute we are born, we move toward death and dying. What we do in between those times is live and make the best of our time here.

COPD isn't easy. There are somdays, like yesterday, my breathing sucked. But no disease is easy. Facing death isn't easy, but it's inevitable. For me, it's all about my attitude. I know I'm going to die, I'm just not sure how or when, but it will happen.

I'm sorry about your sister. I lost my sister to cancer 18 months ago.

 

[Lionheart]

@Lionheart777 Facing death isn't easy, but it's inevitable. For me, it's all about my attitude.

I think I have a pretty good attitude about death and dying, what I am having the most trouble with is accepting that I may well outlive my baby sister. I do not want to lose her.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Lionheart777 When my big sister was diagnosed with cancer in Oct 2014 she was given 2 months to live. She last till April 23, 2015. She had Adeno Carcinoma of the esphogus and stomach most likely caused from hidden reflux that turned into Barrett's esphogus I was just diagnosed with Barrett's a few months ago.

I prayed everyday for months that that day would be the last day that my sister lived. Every morning I wished that my phone would ring and it would be my BIL calling to say she passed. I wanted her suffering to end. Her wishes when she was diagnosed.... we were not allowed to cry, and we were not allowed to talk about or ask her about the cancer. I didn't even know what type of cancer she had till after she passed and I asked my BIL. And, we were not allowed to go see her either. It was the toughest thing I've ever been through, and still is, in many ways. I had no finality in her death and passing. We weren't allow to go even after she passed. Her wishes....

Do I miss her???? OMG! Absolutely, everyday. But, she is no longer suffering. Death is inevitable with all of us, and as much as it hurts to have a loved one pass, we can't change it.

 

[Lionheart]

I am reminded of what my T once told me.....she said, "You have to accept it as the truth but, you don't have to like it"

I guess if that is the case then, I can accept that my sisters' time is shorter than what I would wish for her, and for myself.

Of course I would not want her to suffer or to have a poor quality of life, but letting her go will be one of the hardest things I imagine that I will ever have to do.

I also have Barrett's but mine was caught early and is being treated. It was caused by reflux disorder and I take the equivalent of 4 over the counter Prilosec's per day to help keep it at bay. I am fortunate.

I really like your attitude and I am sorry for your pain and your loss. I guess it is as someone once said, "Get busy living or get busy dying."

I want to live and make the most of the time I have left, however short or long that may be, it's just that losing a loved one is never easy and I always thought I would go before my sister.....and I may yet, who knows for sure?

Thank you for sharing with me, I appreciate you and wish you peace and comfort!!!

 

[Abstract]

Hi Lion,

I'm afraid I'm not able to be much help but do want to offer you care and support. It is an amazing gift to have a relationship like the one you have with your sister. Probably a testament to who you are as a person too. I guess I believe that we don't fully loose people. We know who they are and what they would think/how they would react. That stays with is. I know its a very poor consolation prize. And it probably sounds a bit pat and empty.

Are there organisations that can support you through this? Over here we have Cruse for issues surrounding grief.

It sounds like you are taking the first steps to approach your denial by posting here. Our brains know when we are ready enough to take those small steps. Maybe be extra patient with yourself if you can be.

 

[Lionheart]

It is an amazing gift to have a relationship like the one you have with your sister. I guess I believe that we don't fully loose people.
Are there organisations that can support you through this?

Yes, @Abstract I am blessed to have such wonderful sister and I love her dearly. I don't think we fully lose others either, they take a part of us with them and a part of them stays with us to my mind. I am not sure about organizations here but there will be hospice care when the time gets short and I can look into grief counseling or other programs.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with me

 

[The Albatross]

With all due respect Lion, "chronic" if measures aren't taken can turn acute and terminal... but they are not in or of themselves terminal. Now I expect people will argue... and if they fail to change/improve their behaviors of course, unchanged they will ultimately be "right". I think I would spend some time on this.

I myself am "chronic" - and there is little treatment options for any of those conditions... yet I do not allow my mind cross over to terminal. I am not terminal that is a fact. Neither are you nor is your sister - also facts. I am not going to die in my sleep. If your sister is a stage 4, and you're/you're both still smoking and dealing with grief issues maybe that would be a solid place to start?

Personally I think that the time spent on this trajectory is counter productive and if you are interested in leading a life rather than staying in your mindset and yeah, inevitably being proven right. Lemme know.

 

[The Albatross]

P.S. Yeah, I think you're in denial too but maybe not the way you suppose.

I am of course keeping in mind the fact that death/dying has dominated your thinking since 2012 (as stated this week by you yourself)... I think I'd be bringing it back around to life enhancing/sustaining behaviors for both you and your sister rather than drive the mindset. But that's just me. I am aware that you'll get all manner of support along other lines but I ain't your friend if I don't bring you back to real within my own personal experience.

 

[Lionheart]

I don't think sis is going to stop smoking and I do think she is terminal, if for no other reason than that is her mindset and likelihood of prognosis if she continues to smoke and doesn't change her behavior(s). She has been given 1 to 2 years, if she continues at the rate she is going.

I prefer to think of myself as having chronic illnesses and I don't worry that I am terminal. I am willing to change my behavior and besides, we all have a terminal Illness called life.

Still, I am not prepared for the end of life. I want to accept the truth of the situation and take appropriate action and I don't see any harm in being prepared for the worst, while hoping for the best.

I am not worried that I will die, I know I will die eventually, but, I certainly have some real concerns about my sister's life being cut short and that is something that I find difficult to accept.

 

[The Albatross]

Though you are crossing over to your sister's behavior you do on a level acknowledge that your own COPD @ state 2 is treatable and you do not need to be smoking IF your sister is your main driving concern here right Lion? You are cohabitating, right?

What is the pay off for your train of thoughts here? Is it assistive or are you looking for a cause to drive your daily thoughts about death and dying? That is the underlying issue here as like I said, NEITHER one of you is yet "terminal".

This is where the rubber hits the road dude and be candid about it.