Ashamed And Embarrassed

[Abstract]

I am so sorry that you are suffering so. None of this is your fault and all there abusers. There is zero shame in any of this for you. You are blameless.

 

[Missycat]

She stressed that she doesn't think less of me but it still scares me

Take a deep breathe, do you have any meditation you can do for example Mindfulness? (Sorry i cant seem to add a link but you can google it)
I absolutley understand as ive been going through it myself following a very difficult T session yesterday.
Do you have some music that you can listen to , to help you relax. I also found it helped me to get down on paper how i was feeling, i literally just wrote down what was in my head whether it made sense or not, it helped relieve the stress and anxiety.
Sending hugs if accepted :hug:

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@Snowflake I really feel awful for you! What a terrible feeling. Really makes you want to hide away in a corner.

However, even in your corner cover yourself with pats on the back and carring. Everyone here is right. You took a huge risk, exposed yourself where it feels most raw and vulnerable. That's so courageous and huge.

I find when I've even accidently exposed something, that release is exhausting and I often cry a lot.

It's so hard to psych yourself to go back, but you'll be glad when you do. Even if it's a nightmare idea right now.

For now be gentle with yourself. Listen to the responses you've gotten. Re-read if need be. We're soooo proud of you!!!

 

[Snowflake]

Take a deep breathe, do you have any meditation you can do for example Mindfulness? (Sorry i cant seem...

Thanks-trying to write. I also left her a message-hearing her voice helps.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake I really feel awful for you! What a terrible feeling. Really makes you...

I have read the comments every half hour-it helps.

 

[BoN-bOn]

I haven't started sharing any details with my T yet. I understand the shame & guilt that you are feeling. I explained to my counselor that referred me for EMDR therapy that I feel so stupid talking about what happened to me as a child. I feel like I'm that stupid little kid without a voice that isn't supposed to talk about those "dirty" things. I'm a nurse & I can look at/talk about penises & vaginas all day long....but when it comes to talking about what happened to ME, I feel disgusting. You took a huge step...be proud!

 

[joeylittle]

She stressed that she doesn't think less of me

Try and let yourself believe her. She's got no reason to lie to you. And what you did was a huge, brave thing. The feelings of shame will hopefully lessen.

 

[Panda Bear]

I agree, just try to let this all sink in. When you do, the feelings of shame should hopefully fade and her truth will take hold.

It's so hard when we make these new steps and I so wish it could be easier. But this is the beginning of something new and amazing! Feeedom from the pain that you once held. Moving these events out of brains and bodies and on to someone else is such a freeing thing. My T is constantly reminding me that he wants to help carry the load, he's capable and willing. He doesn't want me to carry all this pain alone. I only need to trust and let him help me.

You'll get there, you've already made a huge step.

 

[Snowflake]

Today is a hard day. I know what I did was positive but it still hurts. I had my hair trimmed last night and my bangs are a little shorter than I like-reminds me of when my mom cut my hair many times so I could look more like a boy. I want to like myself and my body despite what I went through but I can't catch a break-bad hair, gaining weight for whatever reason, cancer (in such a triggering area)- gosh how many times people-men have looked and touch my breasts....ugh. I really just want to forget my trauma-but these little things don't let me. So I talk and share with my therapist (really I write and read) -will the pain and memories ever end?

 

[Lotis]

:hug:

 

[Panda Bear]

Yes!

I promise you, it will end. I pray your day gets better.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I hear you @Snowflake.

Yes, reminders do happen more often than not. It's learning over time, how to live life and find yourself - embrace the things that make you happy again. I'm working through one of those right now. I'm really preaching to myself...

Congratulations on the new hair cut! I bet it looks fabulous! :tup: