Don't Know Where To Put This

[Gs172003]

:hug:

Thank you

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Losing Joey has been too damn hard

I apologize if i missed this. Who is joey?

I'm sorry for your loss! :hug:

 

[Gs172003]

I apologize if i missed this. Who is joey?

I'm sorry for your loss! :hug:

My cousin. He took his life last summer and there are certain times it hits me hard and this is one of them. Alot of people say "cousin? Wth?"
My kids grew up with him, my grandparents, mom, and well... Whole family really, raised him.
He lived with me the six months before he went into the air force. Plus...I never saw it coming. Ever. Guess who got the call that he did it? Me. Guess who got to tell the family? Me. Ugh.

 

[Freedomfighter]

And now I'm crying. I hate freaking crying. And I'm not even sure why.

I don't even know how to cry anymore, all this pain is just bottled up, people abusing me instead of treating me as a human. Do not know how to cry anymore.

Whenever the stress level gets very high I have to take a step back, even if it hurts me financially, because that is the only way that I know to prevent a downward spiral.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My cousin. He took his life last summer and there are certain times it hits me hard and this is one of them.

Oh god, I'm sorry!! :hug:

I think you mentioned him in another thread. It sounds familiar anyway.

Guess who got the call that he did it? Me. Guess who got to tell the family? Me. Ugh.

Oh geeze! That's hard!

Grief, I am learning, is a complicated beast. So crying, and not crying are both part of grief.

I am also learning self care and having no self judgement is really important too!

Alot of people say "cousin? Wth?"

Do you mean that they are saying you shouldn't feel this way or something?

I grew up with my dad's family and some of my cousins are very close to me and I would be devistated if they passed away. Especially from suicide.

:hug:

 

[Gs172003]

Oh god, I'm sorry!! :hug:

I think you mentioned him in another thread. It sounds familiar...

Yeah like.."he's just a distant relative "

We were close. He called any of the females older than him "old lady" so that's a hard thing to hear anymore

( I'm doing better today by the way)

I have a heck of a time with times he should be here. He was so young. It was so WRONG. It was so unnecessary!

 

[Gs172003]

Oh and this was all two months after I started having flashbacks. As if his death wasn't bad enough I had just started dealing with this stuff too.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Yeah like.."he's just a distant relative "

f*ck that! 3 of my cousins, 3 nephews and a niece were all raised with me like siblings. At least until I was 12. My nephews and niece all dislike me today but the 3 cousins, whom are siblings of my dad's youngest brother, are all still very close to me.

Distant relative my ass!

He was so young. It was so WRONG. It was so unnecessary!

I can understand that. And I have not lost a family member from suicide so if this isn't helpful please toss it. But id tried to remember how I feel when I am on the edge suicidal. It's hard, really hard, for me to think of those im leaving behind. I just want the pain to stop. You know?

I'm sorry it happened! Loosing someone is hard but I can't imagin how it feels to loose them to suicide.

 

[Silver.]

zoogal, shame on those that downplay your loss. Losing a cousin is awful, because we grow up with them like brothers and sisters (at least I believe our generation did. My daughter spends a ton of time with her cousins because of that)
I lost my cousin similarly and it hurts so-damned-much, it isn't something you just get over. Then you throw PTSD into the mix and just everyday life stuff and it makes coping so hard.
*hugs*

 

[Gs172003]

f*ck that! 3 of my cousins, 3 nephews and a niece were all raised with me like siblings. At...

I do keep that in mind. I do understand. I also keep him in mind when I consider doing it too and how it effects everybody.

 

[Gs172003]

zoogal, shame on those that downplay your loss. Losing a cousin is awful, because we grow up with them...

Thank you