I Just Experienced Fear...woohoo!

[Sideways]

So I'm totally craptastic at emotions. Feeling them, recognising them, regulating them, figuring out which word on the colour wheel of emotions I'm feeling at any given point. I spend the bulk of my time in the very comfortable (but therapeutically useless) state of Numb.

I'm in hospital, working on big stuff like acceptance and self and all the usual jazz. And my pdoc says to me "What would it mean if it was 'Abuse'?"

And I did the "Flop" response! I totally nailed it!

Fear: learned about that however many dozens of times over. Fight, flight, freeze, and then the uber-primal opiod-fuelled play dead thing, 'Flop'.

Haha! This is awesome! Okay, fairly unhelpful when you're in the middle of a therapy session trying to have a productive conversation. But I nailed it! Body went completely limp, couldn't feel anything, couldn't move, couldn't speak, stopped breathing, couldn't process the noise in the room because I was barely even registering that there was noise (that would be my pdoc talking, like, throwing words at me in long sentences, good luck with that!). Mind totally blank, like the next ice-age just hit. Could. Not. Think.

Then after a bit, when it started to pass, and I was like, "What was that??", my pdoc starts gently suggesting that maybe it was Fear, and I'm totally on a high now.

This is me, starting to do the whole "Hello Emotions" thing. It's only taken 8 years of therapy to get to the most basic Emotional Preschool level. But I'm all over it! Fear - hurrah! Go you good thing!

 

[Teddy Bear]

So I'm totally craptastic at emotions. Feeling them, recognising them, regulating them, figurin...

I'm sorry to hear that you are having this struggle at registering emotions but so glad that you made a giant leap in your 8 year journey. That's really awesome but at the same time saddening because no one wants to be fearful. Keep up the good work.

 

[Gs172003]

So I'm totally craptastic at emotions. Feeling them, recognising them, regulating them, figurin...

That. That's what I do when my husband accidentally triggers me. What is that???

That is what I've been trying to identify for a while. What did the pdoc tell you??

 

[Kailani]

Boy I can relate to the whole unable to experience emotions thing; I was like a rock with no emotion, then my aunt commented on it and I started reading books on PTSD and sexual abuse and started yawning a lot and then voila a socially acceptable level of emotional display haha. I still am surprised if a tear slides down my cheek and feel like it is the body and not me and then I try to think of why the body would shed a tear. I am so happy you are getting through some of the emotions thing. You can do it! It's actually been a relief for me and hope it is for you! Still have certain levels of blocking with it but it's at a comfortable range. Hope you feel what a great step forward in your healing this is!!!!!