Sufferer Hello Everyone

[Lucky]

My story is a long one lol. I suffer from early childhood sexual abuse by two different men , one being my father . My mother passed away when i was 2. My childhood was full of physical abuse as well. I believe i have been suffering my whole life with ptsd back in my day none of this was talked about , thank god today we understand much more. I tried threaphy in my 30 but with two small kids and job i never stayed with it cuz for me it was just to hard.
Forward to 3 half years ago and a empty nest all hell broke lose. I'm a mess. I have a wonderful therapist , but it's been two steps forward and 3 back can't seem to shake this....lost my job because of meds im on , i hate this but happy to be here.

 

[selfcompassion]

It is very very very hard as you have to FEEL your way to health. All the the grief and all the fear and all the anger. It takes a level of courage I have found to be unmeasureable. My healing was messy, all over the place in an insane manner. It took a commitment of love I had to give to myself, the love I never got from others as a child. It was and still is the hardest thing I have ever done. Never give up.....ever.

 

[Fadeaway]

Welcome. I think you will find this place very helpful and supportive. Empty next come with more free time which means more time spent with your thoughts. That is not always a good thing for a PTSD sufferer.

 

[Lucky]

It is very very very hard as you have to FEEL your way to health. All the the grief and all th...

Thank you ! I'm trying.

 

[Lucky]

Welcome. I think you will find this place very helpful and supportive. Empty next come with more free...

Thanks. Yup i agree i was left with nothing else to do and free to face this finally .

 

[aut555]

Sorry to hear of this. The childhood abuse is the worse because we wear it everyday. It's almost like a sweater or a lens on how we see the world. Think it helps to make peace with it. Do accecpt it and understand you are hardwired a little different. But how many people have a normal healthy childhood? Those are stats we never see. How many people face sexual abuse? More then l want to know. Sending a basket of acceptance and a healing light of compassion.

 

[WillyKat]

Welcome to the forum.

Therapy is like that sometimes. You may find that the balance shifts and there are more steps forward than backward. Joining this forum, interacting with others, is an example of a good step forward.

 

[Lucky]

Welcome to the forum.

Therapy is like that sometimes. You may find that the balance shifts and there...

Thanks i think this forum will help very much.

 

[RavenGirl]

Welcome to the forum, I'm so glad you found us but sorry you too have to be here as it means you too suffer. I also suffer from childhood abuse, I tell you this because I want you to know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was in therapy for the last 18 months, and just stopped going. My T and I thought I was in a place where I was "well enough" to try it on my own. Very scary and exciting all at the same time. I too remember thinking "is this ever going to get better!?" Is takes hard work and sometimes falling on your face, tears, and more hard work. But I honestly think you can do it. :tup:

I'm so glad you're trying therapy again, and I'm glad you'll have the support of everyone here. We understand what you're going through, we don't judge, we support and help each other. Welcome again and I hope you find what you need on your road to recovery. ;):):hug:

 

[Lucky]

Welcome to the forum, I'm so glad you found us but sorry you too have to be here as it means you too...

Thank you ravengirl. Yes when will it end....we worked hard , i go to every appt , there was days i felt my guts being ripped out. I would drag myself home and lay down. Just when i thought i saw the light it went out ugh.So i just keep trying.

 

[RavenGirl]

@Lucky, it always gets worse before it gets better, honest. My montra is, "Never give up as things do get better." I live by that and I truly believe it. It took me 35 years to tell anyone what happened to me. My husband didn't even know for fear he'd find me repulsive... thank goodness he didn't react that way.

The more open you are, the more willing to dive head first while in therapy the better it goes.(at least in my experience) I also Found that as I told people about my PTSD and why I had it, I felt liberated. I felt that I wasn't hiding a dirty little secret any more. Obviously I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying what helped me. Also starting a trauma diary on this site helped tons too.

If you don't feel your T is helping, you could also try a new T that specializes in the type of trauma you have, or talk to your T and let them know that the therapy isn't working as well as you feel it should. Remember that your T works for you and they want to help you get better.:tup: :hug:

 

[Lucky]

@Lucky, it always gets worse before it gets better, honest. My montra is, "Never g...

:hug: