Ptsd And Hygiene

[SeekingAfrica]

:roflmao::roflmao::hilarious::hilarious:

The sister thread of hilarious movie quotes doesn't even compare...

Right? I am having a lot of fun with all the different stories and comparisons people found here:).

Anyway. I think people covered the most important thoughts in this, but I'd like to add 2 things:

One, I think PTSD often comes with the shame of how we are(or aren't) handling things in our lives. It shouldn't be that way, because objectively, this is mental illness. If you had physical illness, you would expect that there are certain things you just don't have the capacity to do at certain moments. But if it's something mental, we often expect to be able to do everything as normal...And we end up being ashamed if we can't.

The other thing is...I get where you're coming from. Between PTSD, depression and anxiety episodes, I often feel like a bad human being/bad adult.

I do shower often, but because it's my calm place/thinking place to get away from other people. I haven't let my hair out of ponytail, or put make up on, or put accessories, in weeks, with very few exceptions.

I always pay my bills at the last moment, I always have financial crisis or something I can't pay, even though I knew about it(often gifts or trips).
I'm in debt and I have no savings and that always catches me off guard, even tough the situation has been the same in years.

I overwork when I'm good, but when I'm in bad state all the energy I have is just to get out of bed.

When I have health issue, unless I'm in a lot of pain, I always postpone calling my insuranse/doc/making appointment. I just can't bring myself to, and with all the mental mayhem going on in me, it feels like I'm using all my energy just to do the daily things and the doctor can wait.

Now that I'm upset for weeks, there are many times, when despite my financial issues, I take taxi to the apartment that I use as office(I'm self employed) because I can't bring myself to get up on time and deal with public transport.

For the same reason, I can't bring myself to go to the store and get stuff and cook. So for weeks I've been ordering lunch practicly every day. I'm sure I could have spend a lot less and saved something if I cooked my food. But right now I just have limited energy. So I'd rather use it to make my work earn more(when I can) and eat healthy but order food in.

It makes me feel like a bad person sometimes, but this is where I'm at right now. And change won't happen all at once, so I'm just trying to do better when I can and let it go otherwise.

It's not forever. But this is the situation right now. Beating myself over it doesn't help me to do better.

 

[MeowMeow]

UPDATE!

NOT SURE IF EVERYONE IN THE THREAD GETS NOTIFICATIONS FOR THIS OR NOT.

I TOLD MY THERAPIST. I mean the only thing I said at the end of our session was, "Hygiene" (referring to the giant mysterious thing we've been surfacing over for the past couple of months of something that I struggle with). It only happened at the very end, and I started to tear up a bit- I haven't really cried in a couple months, and before then it'd been about 6 months. So, we'll talk about it more next week - but holy shit that was hard.

And at the end I started tearing up again because I told her that I had my dinner packed with me and that I wasn't going to eat it because of the way I'm feeling and that I felt like I didn't deserve it. She just tried to convince me that I deserve dinner she said- "you're not dirty". And I wasn't even thinking that, which maybe made things worse. But I was only able to eat half of my dinner before panicking and giving up on it.

I want to get support through this, but I also don't want to have a Second Relapse in my Eating Disorder because of it. ARGGG

 

[MeowMeow]

Right? I am having a lot of fun with all the different stories and comparisons people found here:...

"One, I think PTSD often comes with the shame of how we are(or aren't) handling things in our lives. It shouldn't be that way, because objectively, this is mental illness. If you had physical illness, you would expect that there are certain things you just don't have the capacity to do at certain moments. But if it's something mental, we often expect to be able to do everything as normal...And we end up being ashamed if we can't.

The other thing is...I get where you're coming from. Between PTSD, depression and Anxiety episodes, I often feel like a bad human being/bad adult."

I REALLY RELATE TO THIS THANK YOU!!!

 

[Rani G2]

@MeowMeow

the neglection is happening (what has been repeatedly said here)Due to a complete mental overload which makes us incapable to handle basic things in life.
I was bought up in catholic boarding houses where discipline is quite normal. No excuses, No crying. Self hardening is important in order to survive, this is a philosophy that is being praised in that society. I cant blame “them“, because coming out of poor country is daily survival a must.

The thing was, I was disciplined, but at one point my system broke down, and I was sick for months.

Even today, I hate being lazy, I always try to organize, but this is very hard and Energy sucking. And at days, I just dont want to.

 

[Ronin]

UPDATE!

NOT SURE IF EVERYONE IN THE THREAD GETS NOTIFICATIONS FOR THIS OR NOT.

I TOLD MY THERAPIST

Well done :)

You're not dirty.

& If you were dirty? That doesn't mean you don't deserve to eat.

People deserve to eat, dirty or not, and what abusers say about 'dirty'? The only scumbags to whom 'dirty' really applies are them, and they wouldn't know a thing about dirty, so disregard the bullshit they told you.

 

[I_will_recover]

@MeowMeow
You are so so so not alone. Your post reads exactly like one I could write. Between you and me (and everyone here) - I lived in a studio apartment and beyond not bathing or brushing my hair or teeth, I peed into a mason jar I kept in reaching distance from my bed. It wasn't a big place but the 15 steps (maybe less) to the bathroom was more effort than I could make. I've never told anyone this except my T and I was so ashamed I wrote it on a piece of paper and handed it to him as soon as I walked it. My T approached with understanding and noted it was a very common symptom of our disorder (which I personally call an illness). I enjoy and feel better after a showering too but getting in the shower is sooo hard. I rarely look in the mirror out of shame and disgust so my hygiene is compromised.

Oh, and welcome! You are not alone.

 

[I hate me]

Hi, So I'm new to this site.

I want to share something that I've never shared with anyone before in...

I can so relate to this, I am agoraphobic and have a lot of trouble leaving the house, I have gone up to 10 days without a shower just because I'm not going anywhere, and my husband knows when I do that I won't even go out with him. luckily he's very supportive and doesn't say anything about my lack of hygene. he'll ask if I want to go for a ride to the store, and that I don’t have to go in if I'm uncomfortable. I usually cry and ask him why he isn't ashamed to be seen with me, he always tells me I'm beautiful and he's never ashamed, he's proud to be my husband. I'm the one who is ashamed, I feel that way even when I'm clean and freshly showered. I just feel like I'm not worthy enough to be out in public mucking up everyone elses beautiful world. Im fat and ugly and always think people are looking at me in disgust .

 

[katz]

Hi, So I'm new to this site.

I want to share something that I've never shared with anyone before in...

HI, Meow
I'm not sure if this will relate to how you feel. But, I saw your post and thought that I should write to you. I also have a terrible time with hygiene. I avoid the shower like it has "cooties". I had some of my abuse from childhood in the shower and have always hated the idea of getting into it. I took bathes till I was in high school.

When I do, it always feels good. But, I am always on high alert when I'm in there. So, I try to take them when no one else is home. I have also gone for days without bathing. I know that mine is from my abuse memories. But, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone when you think these thoughts.

I'm sure that you have a very good reason for how you feel. You might not worry about finding out the problem. Just try to make it easier for you to deal with it. No matter what causes it.

If you think that you should wash your hands more, for example. Then try to get yourself to do it. Tell yourself that it won't hurt you and then try. If you can't , then tell yourself that you will try again later. And be sure and congratulate yourself when you do. One other thing that I just thought of is to reward yourself when you do. Why don't you wash some towels in a fragrence that you like to smell. Then when you dry your hands, you can smell the towel and it might make you think good thoughts about what your doing. Then remember how healthy it is for you too.

 

[Amethyst]

Your therapist isn't going to judge you! This is probably something they see all the time and I know it happens with lots of disorders, not just PTSD. I had similar behaviors as a child and teenager and I wasn't even traumatized until adulthood!

 

[MeowMeow]

UPDATE!

NOT SURE IF EVERYONE IN THE THREAD GETS NOTIFICATIONS FOR THIS OR NOT.

I TOLD MY THERAPIST....

I think my therapist thinks that I just get anxious with hygiene- before brushing my teeth, showering (she doesn't even know about washing my hands or anything else), but what she doesn't know is that I don't do these things.

- I only brush my teeth when I feel really gross or have somewhere especially important to be- otherwise I use gum or eat.
- I only shower when I need to wash my hair for an event or it's been too long and it's itchy and I just feel too gross.
- I only wash my hands when they're really sticky or smell like the food I was just eating.

I'm terrified to actually say that these things have been issues that have been happening for over a decade...

 

[Ronin]

I'm terrified to actually say that these things have been issues

You have a disability, one that is multifaceted & those issues are a part of that disability. It's not shameful to have a disability, and it's not shameful to have issues.

& Change is possible, you know how to still do these habits // that they're necessary to be done, you're able to force yourself to do them, which is a good sign, being cognizant they need get done. So now 'just' the gazillion things about frequency & necessity & a wide field of why it's difficult & what all that drags up and has teeth in. :O_o: / :hug: You'll get there, step by step.

 

[veggies]

Hi, So I'm new to this site.

I want to share something that I've never shared with anyone before in...

I read somewhere online that lack of self-care is a common symtom of PTSD. I also have difficulties showering, brushing my teeth and washing my hands (after my PTSD triggered, late onset). I just don't care about myself enough to extend any more effort than necessary or at least that's what it feels like...
No shame
Take care