Childhood Planing To Become Finantially Independent - How Did You Manage To Get Of An Unhappy Home?

[JennaJenn]

Hello everyone. My name is Jenna (well not my real name, but you get it) and I wanted some advise. I'm 19 and for around 5 years now I've been dreaming to leave my home. My parents relationship has always been very rocky and my father has been verbally abusive to everyone in the family. I've came to a point when sometimes all I feel is hatred for him, and we cant have a normal conversation or even eye contact. I had many issues that I believe where caused by this situation like depression, anxiety and even some ptsd. I never gone through therapy because of finantial issues but i believe I need it very much. I reached a point I cant leave in this unstable environment anymore. I feel so sorry for my mom and everyone involved. I even feel she is becoming like my father, which is understandble after years living like this. I need to move out. Im not ashamed to say that my life is better without my father and this family drama. I know it for a fact. I have worked so hard to deal with my own issues and suceeded, because since Im at college im living on campus, away from all of this. But whenever I come back home, it all comes back..
My question is, how come that you, that came from even worse situations, managed to become finantially independent and get away?

 

[hodge]

College! That's how I escaped, too. And it got me a decent job after I graduated. I was eventually able to buy my own house. Doesn't get any better than that!

Keep your focus on your studies. Minimize the time you spend going home. Focus on you and keeping up your grades! That's your future!

 

[scout86]

What @hodge said.

What do you want to do with your life? What do you need to do to accomplish that? Answer those questions, then follow the plan. And adjust the plan as you go along.

Basically, you need a source of income and a place to live. Do you have a job? To start out with, sharing a house with roommates is usually the way to make things affordable.

 

[Silver.]

even some ptsd.

what do you mean by this?

in another post of yours you wrote "maybe guessing PTSD"
have you been through a major trauma? diagnosed with PTSD? from what I am reading of you, your homelife does kind of suck, but you are using this forum for support for depression, and this is a PTSD support forum.

 

[user27357]

5 years ago you wanted to leave? that makes you 14 at the time. I got a work permit and worked and rented spaces where I could find them when I was 14. I stayed in a utility room with a water heater for warmth and no windows. I slept on a couch during the day when friends were working. I slept in a barn on a farm where I found some work cleaning horse stalls.

If you can't get out at 19, sorry, but you are not trying. By 19 I was working through community college, sharing rent with other students.

Learning to spell financial.

 

[Socha]

I got a work permit and worked and rented spaces where I could find them when I was 14.

Different countries different laws for working at a certain age. I moved out when I was 16, went to school and was living out in the streets when I couldn't stay at a friends place. So working at that age is not an option everywhere.

If you can't get out at 19, sorry, but you are not trying. By 19 I was working through community college, sharing rent with other students.

I agree. I worked full-time at 18 too.

Learning to spell financial.

...but this is rude considering the fact that English is her second language.

 

[watundah]

I went to college too but even if you dont have the means to do this, I.would suggest an apartment with a friend or three with whom you can share expenses. Just because the semester ends you dont need to go home.

 

[JennaJenn]

Keep your focus on your studies. Minimize the time you spend going home. Focus on you and keeping up your grades! That's your future!

You are so right. I will try not to forget that.

 

[JennaJenn]

Basically, you need a source of income and a place to live. Do you have a job? To start out with, sharing a house with roommates is usually the way to make things affordable.

I can't get a job because of my scholarship. (i already get the minium and if they find out im working they wont give me anything). But I will try to work during summer to save so money like I did last year. My dad is very attached to his money so I never ask him anything. My mom will always help me but she is unemployed. Like I said I live on campus and it has been great so far, but i always need to go home to check in with my mom and my little brother. Then it's just always a reminder of how my life used to be..

 

[JennaJenn]

in another post of yours you wrote "maybe guessing PTSD"
have you been through a major trauma? diagnosed with PTSD?

Yeah Silver, that's exactly what I meant! Bad wording. Like I said, I never been diagnosed, because I never could afford theraphy, which is actually kind of a tabu around here at home. Depression and anxiety been my major issues but I started to think of ptsd couldnt be playing a role too? When I was little, I was absolutely terrified of my father...he did and say tjings that I believe would be traumatic to anyone, and witnessed stuff that scared me..To this day I cant have a normal relationship with my dad, I get scared a d feel like crying if he raises his voice. I cant have a normal conversation with him, because Im always afraid, even if he isnt actually being agressive. Is this depression?

 

[JennaJenn]

@enough, actually, at 14 I wasn't legally allowed to work here! But I did start to work at 15 although it wasnt legal, to have some money of my own! It felt nice although I didnt quite know how to spend it well at the time.

It seems you had a rough path but fought through it! I salute you. I guess everyone's path is different. Sorry if my misspellings bother you, but I'm typing through my phone and English is not my native language

 

[JennaJenn]

I agree. I worked full-time at 18 too.

It's hard to work full time when you're doing a college course! But I do work every summer to have my own money. Where did you work at?