BPD C-ptsd vs bpd

[7Cs]

There are so many overlaps with this disorder and it's clear that I have C-Ptsd. In the past I've questioned BPD (borderline personality disorder) but but have had several Ts including current T rule it out and say that my symptoms are severe PTSD symptoms. Last week T and I were talking and she brought it up again not saying I had it but that I have many of the symptoms. Then saying it was good it wasn't because it's much harder to treat personality disorders. But then she offered a psych test and I took it. I'll get the results next week. Even though I know the negative stigma of BPD is extreme and unfair to those who suffer from it, I'm still scared that it will come up on the test.

I had a T give me a different test once and she said obvious PTSD but that the test said I have exhibited some antisocial behaviors. After that I noticed a slight change in her perception of me. She tried to hide it but it was as if she was more guarded and closed off. All the antisocial behavior I reported on the test was from my teens and she knew that but still reacted that way. I'm a bit worried that if this comes back showing BPD or those traits this T will have a similar reaction.

I did take the MID test myself and if showed that I did not have BPD

It's all very confusing. And I've been stuck in my head a lot the past week ruminating on my mental health issues. :(

I'm going to read some more posts on this now.

 

[Holdingontohope]

Then saying it was good it wasn't because it's much harder to treat personality disorders

This is so frustrating to me. Why do professionals say these kinds of things? How is the stigma associated with personality disorders ever going to go away when professionals keep perpetuating it? Sorry, for that rant, this just hits very close to home for me.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD as well as BPD. You want to know something though? If your test comes back saying that you have BPD, or any other personality disorder for that matter, it doesn't change who you are. You don't suddenly spout horns and become more difficult of a client. You are still the same person, you just have a new "label". Unfortunately, people (including professionals) sometimes judge others because of those "labels". If your T reacts to you differently because of it, then that is a reflection of her shortcomings not yours.

 

[PTSDfree]

Consider yourself lucky that don't have BPD. BPD can be very hard to treat and a lot of pdocs will turn openly down BPDs due to that. It's just another DSM buzzword anyway. No diagnosis will define who you are as a person.

 

[LadyZane]

You and I are thinking some of the exact same things today. I was reading about having a fragmented sense of identity due to growing up in a CPTSD environment and not ever having a "pre-trauma" self to even look back on, and there's so much crossover with BPD symptoms that you often get a mixture of both if you're googling. I had a T actually come out and diagnose me with PTSD/CPTSD a couple weeks ago which was kind of a relief -- like, wow, I'm not just imagining things or lumping myself in with this group I don't actually belong to just because it's the only thing that's made sense so far. But I've never been diagnosed with BPD. I've run across lots of descriptions of it trying to "diagnose" my mom and make some sense out of why she was such a terrible parent, and reading about it always kind of terrified me. The thought that I might have it was always so scary for some reason -- like "if that's me, then there's no hope for me, I'm permanently damaged" or something along those lines. I don't know why, but that's how I felt. For some reason today I started thinking "OK so maybe I do have BPD. So what? What would really change?" And I started feeling less terrified.

It's true I'm in a much better place right now than I ever have been in my life due to the positive effects of several years of antidepressants and effective therapy, not to mention just plain aging through and away from some of the worst of it. So maybe things just feel more manageable in general. But it's still weird and I don't know how to feel about it. Like, what if I do have it? How do I know? What do I do? Etc.

 

[7Cs]

having a fragmented sense of identity due to growing up in a CPTSD environment and not ever having a "pre-trauma" self to even look back on

I don't have a pre-trauma self either. Multiple traumas and ongoing traumas throughout my child hood and teen years as well as abandonment by 2 sets of parents and a system that was built to protect children.

Considering abandonment is a core issue with BPD it would be a wonder that I don't have it. Obviously my abandonment issues are HUGE. My behaviors and anger and sense of others are not as extreme as what I've read of BPD but my moods can fluctuate rapidly along with my sense of self/ identity.

If your test comes back saying that you have BPD, or any other personality disorder for that matter, it doesn't change who you are. You don't suddenly spout horns and become more difficult of a client. You are still the same person, you just have a new "label".

I've thought about this as well. It won't change who I am at all. We went through this when my son was dx'd with adhd... that's what I told my hubby. When he and I talked about the BPD stuff the other day he reassured me that it won't make him think or feel any differently about me.

 

[joeylittle]

How's your emotional regulation? And do you self-harm?

 

[lymphomamama]

Its only recently I was more accurately dx with CPTSD as opposed to PTSD and bipolar which is what was originally dx. The more I'velearned about the C of this the more sense it has made for me. I dont remember a time in my life that I was not being physically or sexually abused by adults in my life. I also dont remember a time I didnt self mutilate (cut, scratch, pull hair), compulsively lie and dissociate. My childhood was a nightmare that I kept secret and am only now telling about. Being abused, betrayed and tortured by those who were your caregiver leaves a different, more insurmountable scar than my years of abusive husband or the rape. It somehow hurts deeper. JMO

 

[7Cs]

How's your emotional regulation? And do you self-harm?

I did some self harm as a teen as well as suicide attempts but that was a LONG time ago and it was situational.

My emotional regulation was worse off meds... before meds I was dx's mood disorder nos prior to clarifying the ptsd dx. Very rapid mood swings.

Frantic efforts to avoid being abandoned by friends and family.
I avoid interpersonal relationships (friendships) and have no fear of my husband intentionally leaving me. I have a bigger fear of losing my loved ones through death.

Unstable personal relationships that alternate between idealization—“I’m so in love!”—and devaluation—“I hate her.” This is also sometimes known as "splitting."
No but I go numb sometimes and don't feel much about anyone. I still care what happens to them though.

Distorted and unstable self-image, which affects moods, values, opinions, goals and relationships.
Yes

Impulsive behaviors that can have dangerous outcomes, such as excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse or reckless driving.
No

Suicidal and self-harming behavior.
Not for about 20 years.

Periods of intense depressed mood, irritability or anxiety lasting a few hours to a few days.
Yes

Chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness.
More like intermittent loneliness and occasional boredom.

Inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable anger—often followed by shame and guilt.
Occasionally prior to medication when my mood swings were severe.

Dissociative feelings—disconnecting from your thoughts or sense of identity, or “out of body” type of feelings—and stress-related paranoid thoughts. Severe cases of stress can also lead to brief psychotic episodes.
Yes

 

[joeylittle]

I'm not a doc - but personally, given what you've described, I'd agree with your T, that you don't fit the diagnostic profile for borderline personality disorder. That being said, what I think really doesn't matter. In the end, it's all about managing your symptoms, changing your thought processes, and working through the trauma. I do understand that it's hard, when you don't quite know what is going on and you are both hoping for answers that make sense, and also for answers that aren't frightening.

But without the ongoing (chronic) self-harm, and the push-pull of intense emotional attachment, and the emotional tidal waves without innate impulse control...you are much more aligned with the profile of CPTSD with comorbid mood disorder - and even that might be more under the C part of your PTSD, now that's on the table.

 

[7Cs]

I'm not a doc - but personally, given what you've described, I'd agree with your T, that you don't f...

Well, my follow up is on Wed. So I'll get whatever results there are then.

I'm also overlapping therapy for a little while with a trauma/ dissociation specialist. Between the two of them I'm sure we'll come up with a plan.

I hate that since I've started delving into my traumas my dissociation has gotten worse and I've become more and more confused about myself and my thought patterns.

It's like all these years we've (different therapists and I) have been placing bandage after bandage on my brokenness and now we're peeling them off and I don't understand what's under them. I thought I had it more together, now I'm thinking it was all a facade that even fooled me.

 

[7Cs]

So....

No to BPD.

But I "meet diagnostic criteria for depressive disorders and avoidant personality disorder."

T says that the pd symptoms are likely from ptsd.

I've known I was very high with avoidant type symptoms but I don't experience the same fears that people with APD seem to have.
fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
fear of being shamed or ridiculed
feelings of inadequacy
reluctant to take personal risks - fear of embarrassment

In addition, my depressive symptoms are intermittent. Probably because I avoid my depression. ;)

 

[Powder]

I read that C-PTSD is going to be in the ICD, but not DSM soon. And that a major defining distinction is that C-PTSD folks tend to chronically feel lower than they should about themselves and push others away out of habit. Self isolate.

While BPD have ups and downs with both; high and low on self and attachment, with greatest fear of abandonment.

I don't fear abandonment, but I do fear things that coincide with my traumas, so more PTSD pattern of fearing. Also, I fear I will push away. I have to fight the urge to push away or hide my feelings from my SO. It is hard to be open, vulnerable, and honest. That DID NOT play out well for the first 20 years of life, so it's a major reboot.