General I Don't Think I Understand The Concept Of Isolating

[dulcia]

I've read all kinds of different supporter experiences with their SO isolating. The closest thing I have experienced with that would be not hearing from him by phone for a few hours. That doesn't seem like isolating when some supporters are counting out weeks and months of not hearing from their SO.

Does that just happen with partners that aren't living together or does it happen (possibly in a different form) to those who co-habitate, as well?

Can isolating refer to only mentally checking out as opposed to not giving any signs of life for weeks?

I would love to hear ideas/insight/personal experiences of supporters who deal with this in their relationship. Thank you!

 

[sui generis]

I've read all kinds of different supporter experiences with their SO isolating. The closest thing I...

I have been married for 30yrs, and I think there came a point when my talking about my disorder became "old". Like I've heard this before. I understand this because sometimes I hear myself playing out the same thoughts in my head also. Support and love are not the same. My wife and I are in love, though she is not the best supporter. To hold this against her would not be fair, I have a very hard time with my disorder how could I not allow her to have a hard time supporting. This caused great problems for me, anger, abandonment, suicide, and much more until I found that it was my PTSD and not hers. I could have easily lost my marriage if not. Support is unique to every person and we can not become to attached to it. One might say I'm lucky, I have a loving bride, three loving children, two beautiful grand children, a home etc, yet I feel nothing.
I love to be around them but when I am my mind screams to be alone.
Support starts within I have found. I am spiritual and have a relationship with Jesus. If you are not find that place you call your heart and learn to think and love yourself from there. This I believe is your best support. I am here. :)

 

[Beautifulmess]

Can isolating refer to only mentally checking out as opposed to not giving any signs of life for weeks?

In my personal experience isolating involves mentally checking out. My SO has never disappeared but he does go through cycles where his mind is somewhere else. He goes through the motions of life without connecting. Or sometimes he will sleep all the time. When he is isolating I end up feeling lonely and it can be really tough.

I think that isolating is a way to dissociate from feeling and it can be physical or mental.

I'm curious what everyone else thinks . . .

 

[Sweetpea76]

Isolating is a coping mechanism. Not all sufferers isolate, and not all sufferers who isolate do so in the same way.

Sometimes it's emotional, like not communicating, socializing, or being present. Sometimes it's physical, like shutting themselves up alone or disappearing.

Either or both can happen whether you live with your sufferer or not.

My sufferer isolates. He uses it as a "hard reset" when he gets overwhelmed. He shuts himself up with no communication and physically isolates from everyone and everything, usually for a few days. That's just him though.

 

[dulcia]

Isolating is a coping mechanism. Not all sufferers isolate, and not all sufferers who isolate do so...

So drinking every day (yes, I understand alcoholism and its definition) -- could that be seen as a form of isolating through not being present? Or is it just seen as a completely different coping mechanism.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'd say that's more of a self medicating thing than isolating.

 

[Friday]

I am a sufferer who isolates.

My preferred form of isolating involves passports & planes.

I have a child.

So my preferred form of isolation? Needed to be altered. Did so. Easy? Nope! Would I have done the same for an adult? I hadn't, to date. Different rules exist in my head for kids and adults. From the outside it might not have looked like I kept up my isolating tendencies, but I did. I carved out daily time for myself in the form of preschools, play dates, classes. I carved out intermittent time for myself in the form of sleepovers, camps, and other adventures to send him on. And I took a note from one of my professors -this may sound bad- who would kennel her dogs when studying for finals and midterms... Of looking at my schedule... And arranging his outings when I was most in need of being alone. If he was looked after, somewhere safe/fun/interesting? I could fall apart at my leisure. Voila! I also learned to include him in some of my isolationist tendencies. I might be blocking the rest of the world out (lalalalalala not dealing with you), but we were in the mountains snowboarding, at the beach, on a jet plane, and off adventuring together. The rest of the world could f*cking bite me. Burn to ashes and I wouldn't give a damn. But he and I were as near to the ends of it as possible, laughing and building sand castles.

So while some sufferers just don't isolate? It's possible, from experience, to build isolation into one's life as a healthy coping tool, also.

 

[Hanala]

Isolating is my main form of coping when I am feeling triggered or just having a generally bad day. I think for me it's two fold:

A) I am usually feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed in a sensory way so being somewhere quiet and safe and low key is the only thing that helps me feel like me again. B) I get very irritable when I am triggered or struggling and I don't want someone to be 'in the line of fire.'

I'm not saying isolating comes from the same thing for your SO but there are a lot of reasons why people isolate and it is very often a way of coping. Like someone mentioned above, we can't always cope the way we want to (i.e. hopping on a plane) but we may need some isolation to handle it. You might try asserting your needs and how you're feeling when your SO isolated while still allowing them to cope. It should be a balance.

 

[dulcia]

Isolating is my main form of coping when I am feeling triggered or just having a generally bad day. I th...

I honestly was trying to figure out if my SO did isolate because I have heard some extreme cases of isolating on this forum. After reading everyone's replies, I don't think my SO's PTSD involves a lot of isolating, but rather poor coping skills (alcohol) and preferring quiet at times (when overstimulated)....among a lot of other things, obviously!

 

[Deleted member 37343]

Just wondering, what does SO stand for in this context?

 

[Friday]

@Nimali ...Usually stands for Significant Other.
Husband/Wife/Boyfriend/Girlfriend

 

[Deleted member 37343]

@Nimali ...Usually stands for Significant Other.
Husband/Wife/Boyfriend/Girlfriend[/...

Ahh I see. Thank you.