This is probably true and I am trying very hard to punch through the images to see what follows, but not able to. Not sure if there are no memories to see or if I am blocking. As for forgiving myself, In therapy I am beginning to explore how to do this but it begins by exploring why I can't forgive myself. I am sure there are many reasons but the one that seems to linger in my mind is that even though I was only 10, I new it was wrong, I did not like it and tried to fight but was overpowered but then why did I go back for two years and allow this? That is some f'd up shit and as I explore the lifelong damage I keep comig back to the fact that it was ultimately my fault for not saying anything and voluntarily returning.Perhaps before getting to release the belief we failed, first we have to understand those fragments and the pain from them.
Everyone says it was not your fault but rather the pedophiles fault. If I was walking in the woods as a young boy and a bear came out of the woods to attack me would it not be my fault for not running!