Relationship Why Do Sufferers Push Their Partners Away?

[BellaAngelo]

Gotten that answer. She has a new boyfriend and when I found out I was furious. It was 4-5 months o...

I'm sorry to hear that :( to be honest when I was numb and hurt, I hurt other people and did some messed up stuff. Honestly she's probably going to do the same thing to the current guy until she gets help and works on herself

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't usually tell people I have PTSD.

I still push people away.

Yep. About sums that up.

 

[Tinyflame]

Why Do Sufferers Push Their Partners Away? I think because they would not want them to be saddled with this.

 

[jenna43]

Being close to someone is overwhelming and terrifying at times. Even when I know it is safe, it is h...

Thank you ! This is one of the best explanations I have read.

 

[Magen]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2 years. The first year was amazing. Then we moved in together and he got custody of his son. Since then all we do is fight. I moved out 4 months ago and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm running from everything in my life and he just won't give up on me. I have been so nasty to him and treated him so badly. I don't know why I'm doing these things. I do love him. We will be fine one minute and it's just a matter of time before I snap out on him. I realize what I'm doing and at that moment I don't care. I just get worse. It's almost like I think it's funny. I know what I'm doing and I intentionally try to get even more nasty. I'm not genuinely a nasty person so I don't understand any of it.

 

[ldj]

Hello Magen,

First of all, what is your situation? Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? Are you undergoing any form of treatment? It sounds like you have issues that need confronting and dealing with, so I hope you're receiving professional help to do that.

As a supporter of someone who has frequently displayed nasty behaviour to me, it would be interesting to hear more from a sufferer's viewpoint, to gain insight into what is going through your minds at the time when you're lashing out. Fear? Anger? Frustration? I would love to hear more of your story.

Why don't you re-post this as a new thread rather than tagging it on the end of this one. Just a thought.

Hope you find as much help and support here as I have. :hug:

 

[Lonelee]

This is very interesting and informative to read. I come here fairly often, to this forum, and it quit...

Are you still in this relationship and has anything changed?

 

[Nicolette]

Hi @Lonelee and welcome to the forum :)

Seems @Yourghost has not been on the forum for a couple of years sorry.

 

[Richie]

i dont suffer from PTSD but i used to suffer from depression which may bear some relevance to this thread.

i used to push everyone away including best friends but this was sporadic even though it could last several weeks. in those phases i was a walking time-bomb (verbal, never physical) and people learned this and gave me the space that i needed. i would self destruct and i didnt want to take anyone with me or to try and talk me round because i refused to believe that they had any understanding of what i was going through. i suffered from anger, lack of self worth, isolation and various other related issues but i always snapped out of it in my own time. people learned to let me get on with it and be there when i was ready to be myself again. there is nothing you can do if they have pushed you away because although your intentions are good, it will be taken as an intrusion and you will only do more damage. patience is crucial but tough. just be there with open arms when the time comes

 

[Wtfiswrong]

That is what trauma teaches us, it is what the perpetrators often think and we internalize that messa...

For me, it is like, "your love me? Shit now you really will hurt me..." Because I had people who loved me who nearly killed me.

justmehere do you treat people who love you differently? Like hurt them first before they can hurt you?

Do you shut down and go into flight mode at the first sign on a confritantion with a significant other? My bf becomes dr. Jeky at first hint of a problem

 

[Wtfiswrong]

Being close to someone is overwhelming and terrifying at times. Even when I know it is safe, it is h...

Did you ever apologize and or fix the situations where you pushed/ pulled with your partners?

 

[Justmehere]

justmehere... Do you shut down and go into flight mode at the first sign on a confritantion with a significant other? My bf becomes dr. Jeky at first hint of a problem

Different sufferers react differently to confrontation. Some are coubterphobially drawn in and others freak and run. Some become overly compliant. There are 4 trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, fawn.

If your bf is really freaked by confrontation, you may find that NVC (non-violent communication) techniques much more effective than other conflict resolution approaches. NVC isn't just about non-violence. It's a very effective way to resolve a conflict, sometimes without the other party knowing.

Did you ever apologize and or fix the situations where you pushed/ pulled with your partners?

I personally try to apologize and repair damage done when I'm in the wrong, and only my part, and only when it's safe and when it's good for the other party to do so.

Different sufferers may handle it differently. Some may not have the skill set to do that and some may not see their error. Sometimes it's also a matter of errors on both sides.