How Do I Stop Obsessing About Therapist? Please Help!

[Spaced Out]

Hello. New member here. For those of you have "obsessed" about your therapist, how did you stop? I cannot really work or concentrate. I keep obsessing about the therapist and I don't want to. I just keep thinking about things he said, how he said it, his kindness. This really sucks. I'm thinking this is like an addiction, or an ocd obsessing thing, and with addictions the only cure is stopping cold turkey and is really the only solution. I'm thinking I should just suffer the agony and quit the therapy. Any suggestions--is it possible to stop this 24/7 obsessing so I can get back to my work?? I did go to lunch with a friend and thank G-d that helped for the 1 hour we met. Yet, we parted ways and immediately the obsessing started again.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hello. New member here. For those of you have "obsessed" about your therapist, how did you stop? I c...

I think at times a person that suffers from PTSD will be most grateful for any positive attention they can get. By that I mean friendliness, understanding...... and so on. Most times we do not get that from friends or family members at all. So I bet the therapist will most likely have to work on those issues, because many of us will have been abused by parents..... so many of us may see that parent in a therapist and think: shoot, that is how my mom or dad should have acted. Then there is the more dangerous type...... when a patient might start to obsess physically or attempt to see the therapist as a life partner.......... even though that makes sense at times because a lot of people have been abused by their partners..... and then they think... shoot, why was my life partner not as understanding and patient?

It can be a very destructive cycle because we have to remember that a therapist is paid to do the work and in my mind I often think how a therapist must feel when he or she sees patients all day long who show tendencies of attachment, but how could patients not go through such a natural cycle?
We all wish for good and understanding people in our lives, quite frankly: I don't know how therapists deal with all that.... not only do they have their own families, they also have to work with some very stressed out people, and then on top to be seen as a possible savior by some patients..... well, good therapists just have to be real strong people. I know that I am impressed with the work of such people, only the ones of course that do not end up on the wrong side of the spectrum..... because unfortunately there are some that may take advantage of people..... but I do believe, do hope that those kinds are in the minority.

 

[Spaced Out]

I think at times a person that suffers from PTSD will be most grateful for any positive attentio...

Thank you Freedomfighter. I do believe everything you've written is pretty accurate. I'm very much aware this is his job and the line of work he's chosen. Knowing these things doesn't stop this incessant obsessing. Yet, I would really like to know if there is a way to stop this obsessing. It really needs to stop. I'm thinking it's like an addiction, which I have a very addictive personality. I'm thinking I just need to quit this therapy, but wondered if anyone had this issue and was able to stop obsessing about their T. Thank you again, so much.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Spaced out,
Welcome to the forum!

From what you've written, it looks like you are getting a pretty strong " transference"

Ts are trained how to handle it professionally and compassionately, and it can form a very important part of the therapy.

Please bring up what you are experiencing, when you next see your T, so that they can reassure you, and also make the best use of what you are experiencing, as part of your recovery.

 

[Spaced Out]

Hi Spaced out,
Welcome to the forum!

From what you've written, it looks like you are getting a pretty...

Thank you Anarchy. I really appreciate the response! The problem I have is this guy is CBT and will not appreciate this topic and believe me I'll be dropped or "referred" out--I have very good instincts on this one. If I can't find a way to stop this, or control my thoughts, in a couple days I will just need to go cold turkey unfortunately. I don't see any other way.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Thank you Anarchy. I really appreciate the response! The problem I have is this guy is CBT and will...

I'm not sure I understand. Your therapist practices CBT but won't understand any transference issue going on? What do see as a connection?

 

[Eagle3]

I obsessed about my T pretty hard in the beginning. The more I got stuff taken care of, the less I obsessed. Also, the more I allowed myself to experience the obsession, not acting on any impulses, but just feeling the feelings, the obsession got weaker and weaker until a healthy connection took its place. Obsession with a T is natural in the process of establishing a relationship, especially when there are attachment issues. T's are trained to deal with obsessive personalities. Work on becoming comfortable with the obsession, knowing its a normal aspect of therapy at this point in your progress, and eventually it will lessen on its own.

 

[Spaced Out]

I'm not sure I understand. Your therapist practices CBT but won't understand any transference issue go...

stp2012 thank you so much for responding. Yes, I know he views it as "making me worse" or "harming" me. So it's really not a topic I can discuss. I'm not sure what your question is about what I see as the connection? Do you mean why am I obsessing about this? I think it's because I've tried to talk about this for years and people always want to protect to the perpetrators and criminals. I finally have someone (whom I'm paying--I get that) who is actually listening to me and believing me. I think that's wjhy I can't stop thinking about it.

 

[Spaced Out]

I obsessed about my T pretty hard in the beginning. The more I got stuff taken care of, the less I obsesse...

Dear Eagle 3, this is so encouraging. Thank you! This evening I did go to a party, though I drank way too much, at least could get my mind off this. I noticed if I allow myself to dwell on it, the intensity and intrusiveness seems to lessen and lessen. So your comment is really helpful to me! I hope I have the same experience.

 

[MisterCatLady]

I have had this experience with every therapist I have ever had. It is excruciating at times! I have tried lots of approaches. I was convinced at one time that seeing my therapist less often would help but the opposite turned out to be true. Now I go weekly and feel safe to talk about my feelings. The more I talked, the more comfortable I got with her and then the obsession decreased. Each time I cross a barrier and open up more, I can feel the obsession increase slightly but nothing like it used to be. I would encourage you to sit with the feeling and observe it. Journal it out maybe. It could be very useful to you healing process.

 

[Lucycat]

The problem I have is this guy is CBT and will not appreciate this topic and believe me I'll be dropped or "referred" out--I have very good instincts on this one.

Your therapist may practise CBT but as a therapist he will understand transference and you can tell him about your thoughts. That is the basis of CBT after all - sorting out unhelpful thinking patterns. He will not drop you and if he does he was a rubbish therapist in the first place. I don't think you do have good instincts or you would not be in this position in the first place. Your instincts are your thoughts and they are misguided.

It reads to me like you want this problem and you don't want to hear any helpful solutions. Forgive me if I misread it but that is how it comes across.

 

[Spaced Out]

Your therapist may practise CBT but as a therapist he will understand transference and you can tell him...

Thank you so much for your insight and comments. I do appreciate them. I have spoken about the issue a little and have tested the water. The answer was that the therapy is making me worse so I would have to make "another treatment plan," --these are nice words for being dropped. Well, I don't want this problem. I've found the comments from Eagle3 and MisterCatLady very helpful actually-and have tried their solutions. I've already gotten somewhat more "peaceful" since reading those comments, allowing myself to have the obsessions, journaling about them, and connecting them to what is actually being "worked out." I've been listening to music and just not beating myself up for appreciating kind words from a stranger. Even if it's just 40 minutes once a week.