How Do I Stop Obsessing About Therapist? Please Help!

[Deleted member 34328]

@Spaced Out , I don't think Lucycat meant that you just want to hear yourself talk. Repetition is normal, and when in the midst of a problematic situation, I almost always find myself defending my point of view. I understand why some of responses can come across that way.

I applaud you for taking some of these suggestions seriously and trying get them out just to see if they might work for you. Sometimes certain things just connect with you and not something you might have thought of on your own. I see you as really wanting to find some help to keep from losing your therapist.

My question about how you have drawn the conclusion that a therapist (or this particular one) would drop you for sharing a dependence issue and practicing CBT. I've been working with the same thing for 4 years now, and yes I have needed to touch base with him in between sessions quite often when I first started. He was very careful to keep professional boundaries in place at all times but I'm positive he was well aware of my need to keep in close touch.

Journalling is a fantastic tool for not only validating your feelings but also a form of release. I was encouraged to journal as well, and now wonder how I would have gotten through without it. I don't feel the same need for my therapist anymore the way I used to. The need to run to him for help has diminished greatly although sometimes I just need a safe place to go with a safe person.

I still wonder if you truly feel safe enough with your therapist to be able to trust him with real disclosure. When I went back and re-read what you posted, I think you may be misinterpreting his responses with a distorted view. Normal in PTSD.

I can't understand why a therapist would dismiss you because he practices CBT. I read it as perhaps he means you may have to change your therapy approach. Perhaps CBT is just not working for you. He may be considering other options. Not dumping you as a client.

When you're ready, the more disclosure you can provide, the better he can help you.

Again, if after a period of time passes and you still feel insecure about his reactions to what you have to say, then I agree that changing therapists may be a better option for you.

 

[MisterCatLady]

I know that you probably don't want to hear this but... if he's willing to drop you over this then he clearly doesn't understand it or respect the therapist-client relationship. My last therapist dumped me and I had an excruciating obsession with her. When she did it I thought I was going to die. Fearing that I might hurt myself, I immediately scheduled an appointment with someone else. My current therapist encourages complete honesty. I went in immediately telling her what had happened with my previous therapist and she helped me process all of those emotions before we started working on my trauma. It was the best thing that could've happened for me.

 

[Littlebirdy44]

Hello. New member here. For those of you have "obsessed" about your therapist, how did you stop? I c...

This was an issue for me as well. In my experience I believe it was because I never received genuine compassion and understanding for my pain/ emotions growing up. So when I began therapy a fewonths back and experienced these feelings for the first time I stuck to her like glue. I would bring it up with her if that's something you feel comfortable with. When I brought it up I learned that it was something called transference and was told it was a completely normal response. Also then both you and her can use it as a therapeutic tool during your treatment to learn more about yourself if that makes sense. For example after discussing it with her I learned that I feared she would both reject me and abandon me even though she's a pretty good therapist and I know wouldn't. But because I discussed my original issue with obsessing and learned about transference I was able to acknowledge those other false beliefs. I hope I'm making sense lol. I'm still pretty new at this as well friend! Anyway I hope this helps!

 

[Spaced Out]

This was an issue for me as well. In my experience I believe it was because I never received genu...

Thanks Littlebirdy44 I'm very familiar with that type of therapy, which you are doing. However, I'm not doing that kind of therapy right now. I did that kind of therapy for 4 years over 22 years ago. I even had the T's pager number for between sessions. I graduated from that to a very happy life for 20 years until some stuff happened and interrupted my life! Now I'm doing a specific 12 session CBT protocol for PTSD called Cognitive Processing Therapy. It is purposely short--6 weeks doing 2 sessions a week, and very rigid. One of the points is that transference is not to be used and is to be discouraged. In this school of thought transference is viewed as an interference to therapy. If dependence or attachment to therapist comes up, the therapist is to help the client put their attachment to people in their lives and not the therapist. This traditional school of thought doesn't discuss transference. Rather dependence is "confronted" as an interference to therapy--much like confronting substance abuse is an interference to the the therapy. You make perfect sense. ! I understand that perfectly. I'm just doing a completely different style therapy.

 

[Spaced Out]

I know that you probably don't want to hear this but... if he's willing to drop you over this the...

Yes! I had this experience over 20 years ago with my first T. I was suicidal as a result. The story is way to too long. We talked constantly about it and then he said he had to terminate me as the attachment issue was interfering the therapy. The second T I had was very effective. Instead of just provoking the attachment we actually discussed the transference issues. So helpful! That 2nd T helped me become one person instead of the five people I was living as. I was so fragmented and chaotic. I was so happy to get on with a successful life as one person. I missed him some, like I did favorite school teachers. The freedom to live a whole life was awesome. That first T though. OMG. looking back I can't believe I lived through that. With the 2nd T, I had to have 2 x a week and phone calls in between just deal with what happened with the first T.! It was so crazy. So glad I survived that. It was extremely painful.

 

[Spaced Out]

@Spaced Out , I don't think Lucycat meant that you just want to hear yourself talk....

I can appreciate all you've written and thank you for the response. All the responses are truly meaningful to me and I thank you. The reason for this is because I'm doing strictly Cognitive Processing Therapy, which is a 12 session protocol done in six weeks, with a T who is only trained in CBT in the traditional sense. They don't use transference as a tool in this school of therapy. Many therapists use CBT, but they aren't strictly speaking CBT therapists. The traditional CBT philosophy views attachment to the T as interference to the therapy. They would confront that, and try to get the patient to instead use the people in their life for support and not the therapist. If that doesn't work, then they view it as an interference and would refer to a different therapy model. It's really a long story how I got this T. Yes, trust and safety are two big issues. Throw in extreme almost constant violence in my entire childhood and I've got some chaotic attachment issues. However, I did do 4 years of therapy over 20 years ago--I had that T's pager number for between sessions. We discussed transference frequently. I was able to graduate from that and have 20 good years. Now I wanted to deal with some specific left over issues that the CPT is hitting actually pretty hard and right on. Is it the best for me? Somatic or Transpersonal would probably be better for me. Yet, for now--I'm not willing to start all over in the trust area until i finish this 12 session protocol as I am getting a lot out of it. I wish I had had these tools 20 years ago. Allowing the obsessions has been most helpful I have had a couple of peaceful days which are so welcome.

 

[woogawooga]

Hello. New member here. For those of you have "obsessed" about your therapist, how did you stop? I c...

It happened to me because I was so happy and relieved to finally find a T I could trust, a T who "got" me. I was in major crisis mode and clinging to any support I could find. After a few sessions and settling into a routine with T I felt more motivation to work hard than obsess.

Give yourself some time, it might pass on its own. Or it would likely make for a useful session topic.

 

[Runlola72]

Wow I completely relate. I am obsessed with my T too. He's so gentle and loving. I imagine him reading me children's books and did manage to confess that to him. I also imagine him tucking me in, and I would love to nap while he watched over me. Unfortunately I've also had less than innocent thoughts about him which I find confusing. Mostly I just want to be near him, or emailing him, etc. Today I got some bad news and emailed him about ten times. There are other people in my life but I only want to talk to him, I only fully trust him.
Anyway, bottom line, I get it. If you find out where to buy therapy transference inhibitor potion, let me know. This is making me nuts.

 

[Spaced Out]

Wow I completely relate. I am obsessed with my T too. He's so gentle and loving. I imagine him readin...

oh my goodness this made me laugh out loud! haha! it's perfect.

 

[Runlola72]

oh my goodness this made me laugh out loud! haha! it's perfect.

Haha glad you had a giggle! :)

 

[qwyoey]

really recommend this read http://www.myshrink.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-transference/

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I can appreciate all you've written and thank you for the response. All the responses are truly mean...

@Spaced Out thank you for clarifying this type of CBT therapy. Mine is the traditional CBT with a specialized therapist. I've never experienced what you're working with, so I can understand why my comments for the most part weren't overly relevant.

Again, thanks for sharing about your therapy. It's always good to learn about a new type out there.