WillyKat
Diamond Member
I haven’t been at a political march or rally of any kind in 30 years. But last Saturday, I attended one of hundreds of Women’s Marches around the US and the world. I expected only a few hundred would show up in the bay area suburb, and I worried I might be the only man there. In actuality, somewhere between 5 and 10,000 showed up and I was far from the only man there.
The speakers, when you could hear them over the underpowered sound system, were every bit as eloquent as some I heard 30 years ago. And back then, they were damn good. Those I heard Saturday moved me, almost to tears. Some of those words, mostly from women speakers, touched on the pain of sexual abuse.
As those words flowed out of the speakers it reminded me of being triggered at times by some of the rhetoric of the recent US election. That rhetoric was aimed at women, but its the same thinking, if you can call it that, that lay the groundwork for what my neighbor did to me when I was six. Sexual abuse isn’t locker room talk and it isn’t about sex. We call this drive to dominate, drive for power sexual only because of the body parts involved. And that’s all misogyny is too.
But on Saturday, I heard healing words, and those of community, and though they didn’t say so literally, they were about not being alone with the effects of sexual abuse, about strength in commonality. I wondered if anyone else in the audience knew that one of the men there was fighting back tears, the good kind. I don’t think so, back when I was six, I became very skilled at hiding my feelings, suppressing everything, and even suppressing the memory of what happened for about 15 years. Whatever. The fact is that for the past several months I felt alone, isolated, and didn’t want to do anything. My therapy had stalled and I considered ending it. Then suddenly Saturday, I felt part of something positive. I even almost told the women I carpooled with this, but I’m just not ready I think. This will always be a work in progress.
Why were tears threatening? I realized this a couple of years ago, but it sort of disappeared somewhere into my head. But Saturday it came back: The only reason I’m able to be where I am in the healing process is because of all the women that stood up decades ago and spoke out against sexual abuse. If it weren’t for them, alone in a sea of misogyny, the science of healing might be stuck at “just get over it.” If it weren’t for them coming forward, naming their abusers, and so on, former alter boys might not have ever spoke up about abuse in the church, and if it weren’t for them, male victims of sexual abuse might never have uttered a word. If it weren’t for the courage of all those that came before me, I, and I think many of us on this forum, might not be able to speak up. Would this forum even exist? No way to tell for sure.
I hope no one is offended by the way I express this, but I’d like to close by thanking the women of decades ago for having the balls to do what they did when they did it, and thank them again for the historic events of this past Saturday. The biggest day of protest since the Vietnam era and maybe even bigger. And no violence. There were marches around the US, around the world. There was even one on an eco-tourism ship off the coast of Antarctica (they marched around the deck), which means that there were protests on all seven continents.
One day, what we do now and in the coming months and years may inspire others to heal. Time to get to work.
The speakers, when you could hear them over the underpowered sound system, were every bit as eloquent as some I heard 30 years ago. And back then, they were damn good. Those I heard Saturday moved me, almost to tears. Some of those words, mostly from women speakers, touched on the pain of sexual abuse.
As those words flowed out of the speakers it reminded me of being triggered at times by some of the rhetoric of the recent US election. That rhetoric was aimed at women, but its the same thinking, if you can call it that, that lay the groundwork for what my neighbor did to me when I was six. Sexual abuse isn’t locker room talk and it isn’t about sex. We call this drive to dominate, drive for power sexual only because of the body parts involved. And that’s all misogyny is too.
But on Saturday, I heard healing words, and those of community, and though they didn’t say so literally, they were about not being alone with the effects of sexual abuse, about strength in commonality. I wondered if anyone else in the audience knew that one of the men there was fighting back tears, the good kind. I don’t think so, back when I was six, I became very skilled at hiding my feelings, suppressing everything, and even suppressing the memory of what happened for about 15 years. Whatever. The fact is that for the past several months I felt alone, isolated, and didn’t want to do anything. My therapy had stalled and I considered ending it. Then suddenly Saturday, I felt part of something positive. I even almost told the women I carpooled with this, but I’m just not ready I think. This will always be a work in progress.
Why were tears threatening? I realized this a couple of years ago, but it sort of disappeared somewhere into my head. But Saturday it came back: The only reason I’m able to be where I am in the healing process is because of all the women that stood up decades ago and spoke out against sexual abuse. If it weren’t for them, alone in a sea of misogyny, the science of healing might be stuck at “just get over it.” If it weren’t for them coming forward, naming their abusers, and so on, former alter boys might not have ever spoke up about abuse in the church, and if it weren’t for them, male victims of sexual abuse might never have uttered a word. If it weren’t for the courage of all those that came before me, I, and I think many of us on this forum, might not be able to speak up. Would this forum even exist? No way to tell for sure.
I hope no one is offended by the way I express this, but I’d like to close by thanking the women of decades ago for having the balls to do what they did when they did it, and thank them again for the historic events of this past Saturday. The biggest day of protest since the Vietnam era and maybe even bigger. And no violence. There were marches around the US, around the world. There was even one on an eco-tourism ship off the coast of Antarctica (they marched around the deck), which means that there were protests on all seven continents.
One day, what we do now and in the coming months and years may inspire others to heal. Time to get to work.
