Sexually intrusive thoughts/fears

[saraemerald]

@ladee , have you experienced unwanted fears or intrusive thoughts pop into your head? Mind were as I described in the above posts which is confusing for me to explain. I felt that I had healed from it but apparently according to how I acted five years ago, I feel like I've recreated my OCD all over again out of self sabotage and turning against myself.

 

[ladee]

Are you specifically refering to sexual intrusive thoughts?
Just want to be clear before I answer.

 

[saraemerald]

Are you specifically refering to sexual intrusive thoughts?
Just want to be clear before I answer.[/QUOTE...

Yes

 

[ladee]

Then no...since doing so much healing work on the abuse..no.

Do you? And have you shared this with your T? They may be able to help you find out why or help redirect you.

 

[saraemerald]

Then no...since doing so much healing work on the abuse..no.

Do you? And have you shared this with your...

Yes, I do. And this part of dealing with the trauma has been the worst part. When I was younger and it happened, I was sooo confused because I rememeber thinking to myself that I was never sexually abused.
So I have told my therapist about it when recalling memories I do remember from my childhood, my therapist said these particular things that happened to me could be recognised as sexual abuse.

 

[saraemerald]

But the worst part about this all is years ago, I was able to recover from the shame of having these distressing thoughts but when I was going through a hard time, I found myself sabotaging myself with these thoughts on purpose amd making myself feel guilty for no reason. I had never done that before and it made me hate myself and want to die.

 

[saraemerald]

But the worst part about this all is years ago, I was able to recover from the shame of having thes...

Self sabotage in this respect has been the worst part of recovery because "why would I turn against myself like that".