Relationship Too Little Too Late

[caligirl03]

I broke up with my vet for the umpteenth time after he threw in the towel on counseling, which was my condition for us to be together. Oddly enough, every time I leave him, he gets into a soliloquy about how he understands, wishes he were a better man, and how I'm the love of his life and always will be. That inevitably always tugs on my heartstrings as I'm madly in love with him, too, but I also can't help but wonder why realize this now as I'm walking away? Why not before when something could actually be done about it and prior to me reaching my breaking point? A little part of me can't help but feel it's manipulation in an attempt to guilt me or keep me around.

 

[MisterCatLady]

You did the right thing. You told him counseling was the deal breaker and he chose to break the deal. Stay strong. You're doing the right thing.

 

[Friday]

It's a lot easier to say goodbye gracefully, than to live that way day in & day out.

 

[Deleted member 541]

He has to want to get better, and that means even when the going gets tough in therapy, he can't just say, "I quit". I do understand how hard it is on him, believe me I do, but he needs to face the shit that is bothering him too. Taking a break is different from quitting...

You need boundaries, and you've laid it out. No therapy, no relationship. Stay strong!!!

 

[dulcia]

Could be his sense of self preservation kicking in.

 

[caligirl03]

If he's unwilling to get help, am I off base to think he doesn't value our relationship enough to make the effort?

 

[Buttercup]

If he's unwilling to get help, am I off base to think he doesn't value our relationship enough to ma...

I wouldn't say you're off base in thinking that, but I also know that a lot of people feel very negatively about going to therapy. I personally don't get that thinking, but hey, that's just me! :)

Has he admitted to needing therapy before? How does he react when you have told him that's your deal breaker. Not when you threaten to leave, but just when you say that is something you require?

Sounds like you may be having second thoughts about your decision now. It is so hard!! :hug:

 

[dulcia]

Idk, @caligirl03. I've just learned that, across the board, it doesn't do me any good to assume anything.