Sufferer Will I Ever Be Me Again?

[Emma lewis]

Hello,
I have had PTSD and an anxiety disorder for a year now.
I was in a physical and emotional abusive relationship for five years. Im not sure how i managed to get out successfully but i did.
It has been six years since i moved out. I met a wonderful man who is the love of my life and we have had a son together on a little farm. There is no abusiveness in my life at all anymore.
Last year i was watching the news and it told me that david bowie had died. I like davids music but am not a super fan. I couldnt cope that he had died and ever since a switch has been flicked and my life has been turned upsidedown.
For some reason when i am suffering from PTSD i get extremely dizzy and confused which has made it extremely hard to work as a chef and even sometimes be a mother to my son.
I feel like i am on a ride at a show the whole time i am at work and have panic attacks from the fear of feeling this.
I am on medication and it has helped a little bit but i seriously sometimes feel like i am slowly dying from this. I have been battling it for a year and it just doesnt feel like im getting anywhere.
I dont feel like me anymore and am constantly scared and anxious for no reason.
If anyone is reading this that has the same dizziness or had it can you please give me some advice to help. I am trying so so hard to keep strong and positive but am starting to feel like i will always be like this.

Thankyou so much for reading this. I find it hard to say what it have typed and appreciate any help so muvh

Emma

 

[Deleted member 38242]

Have you looked into dissociation? Sounds like that to me.

 

[Emma lewis]

no i havent thankyou for the comment ill look into it

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I get the same symptoms, except now without the confusion. For me the confusion came because I had memories blacked out of the past. Now I just get extreme physical pain with flash backs. I would say I miss the confusion, but I am glad to have my memories back. It's a trade I guess. I hope the medication I get this Friday helps. I'm sorry you went through that, but glad you could move on.

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

Hi @Emma lewis I'm glad you found this site and I'm glad you got out of that relationship. I was in one as well and I'm glad you have found happiness. I get dizziness from time to time but I was told mine is from concussions / effects of too many of them. I get confusion as well. Someone spoke of blocked memories in an earlier comment. I was told I have some sort of 'memory blocks' that can be recovered through therapy and can help me to do it and maybe alleviate some PTSD symptoms but frankly, I know enough of what happened, I'm not sure I could survive knowing much more. I am really sorry that you or anyone has to go through these things. The struggle with who you used to be vs who you are now is one that can really mess with your head... I like to try to go with something more like this... you are still you, you have just been horribly hurt by someone and now the result being the anxiety / PTSD. We just have to find new ways to live the 'new normal', so to speak. Take each day, breathe, maybe no news, I can't watch it, positive music, working out... and time for yourself. I won't tell you it's easy, but I will tell you it gets better. They'll be good days and bad, ups and downs, but you're here. You survived. <3

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I know I will never be whole again, I am just settling for something better than what I have now.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

Hi @Emma lewis I'm glad you found this site and I'm glad you got out of that...

Thank you for this! I just read an article about TBI tramatic brain injury, and abused women showing brain damage that matched NFL pkayers damage. Please get that checked because catching it as soon as you can is a big deal, and they have a ton of treatments. Sorry I forgot.

 

[Enaila]

I would strongly encourage you, if you are not already, to find a good trauma therapist. I had some dizziness and figured just blood pressure, stress, whatnot, but then my memories of trauma started returning and returning and returning...it was like a floodgate was open. This may or may not be the case for you, but the reaction to the death may have been the lock coming off the gate. Guess you did say you had the diagnosis of ptsd. Try to see if the dizziness and dissociation comes when a memory is returning...journal maybe?

 

[Muted]

For a least a couple of weeks I was have these weird dizziness type of sensations in my head, but it's mostly gone now. I never did figure out what it was and it would happen at random times even if I was just sitting.

 

[Emma lewis]

thankyou for the comment.
I feel good reading that it does get easier. Sometimes i think i get worse because i get anxious about being this way forever. Its a never ending cycle of guilt and worrying. I think some therapy is my next step now. Thankyou so much for your words

 

[Emma lewis]

yeah it just happens without warning. I feel its worse at work for some reason. Did you find anything helped you ? or did it just go awa?
thankyou for the comment

 

[Muted]

I think mine has gone away, either that or it's extremely subtle. haven't noticed it for a few days anyway...