I Think I Need To Be In The Hospital

[recoveringfromptsd]

Mobile Crisis called me this morning to check on me, and the question of hospitalization has come up. They are calling again at 7pm, it may come down to that as I am that on the edge.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Stay safe while your waiting.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

stupid jerk bigots

What is triggering about this, and is killing me inside is it is no different the the abuse i got in 1977-78 from Environments for Human Services, where like this medical professional they were supposed to be protecting me and my interests not abusing me. And in both examples here abandonment, being turned against and harmed by someone who should be helping me. There is little difference between the two. This is just another abuse like the past ones, and it rises to the same level in my mind. It hurts just as much,

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Stay safe while your waiting.

I don't think there is any chance of anything happening, what thoughts/plans I have had running around my mind involving making a point in the process, and that can't happen until monday. One of the plans I had was to bleed out on there doorstep before they opened. I am afraid to repeat I had this thought to mobile crisis, as they might paper me. Right now I am trying not to think period as it gets me in trouble.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@trying2movefwd The reason I say no chance of anything happening, while beds are in shortage here so its hard to get hospitalized even if your having s/i, I suspect mobile crisis will probably have me in hospital before the weekend is over. If not I will try to hold on.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Some good news, I dropped of a request for a copy of my records, with "legal" under purpose. One of their upper office staff reviewed it and was surprised by it, and asked me to tell her what was going on, I went thru the whole bit including that I am in process of retaining legal counsel and there may be an ethical malpractice lawsuit and it will be to the lawyers whether the facility is included, she wanted me to tell it again to the facility manager, I told her no, but I will sit down with him and upper management at the corporate office.

Time will tell, this may end up with the same BS, but it may result in action to address this.

In any case my brain is shot, this has played into and is too similar to past trauma. Nothing can fix that. I am going to ask about partial hospitalization.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I spoke with mobile crisis about what took place today, and the need for PHP, this has reactivated too much of past similar trauma, I was just getting to the point where I was getting some distance between the intrusive thoughts and images. I am moving closer more than anything else to where I was when I had to be admitted to Sheppard Pratt. If PHP does not happen I suspect I will be forced into the hospital at some point likely next week. Whether its PRMC (a keep safe weight station) or Sheppard Pratt (real help - trauma informed) I don't know. Likely PRMC.