My Doctor Gave Up On Me.

[recoveringfromptsd]

@1234567891011 You might be right, if someone is doing pro bono, they might want to stay away from more complex treatment modalities or potential associated liabilities.

But since he has it there tell him it was suggested, and see what he thinks, you have nothing to loose by asking.

 

[mamachick]

Don't give up....there are solutions but I know you can't see them right now. I have been in a similar place. I understand why you do not want your children going into the system and I agree with you fully. It is a crap shoot and I would feel the same as you if I were in that situation. May I ask how old your children are? Do you have any trusted relative, friend, or family of your children friends?

I think a day program is a good idea as well. There is also a new treatment that I have seen advertised that is not ECT but it is mild waves given while you read or do another similar activity and treats depression. I know where I live, hospitals do not provide any day care and I don't think they would provide any nursing care for kids either. The after school care program is reasonable priced but only open until 5:30 or 6. Do you have anybody that you feel you can trust that lives near you that you can ask for help to advocate for you at this time? A neighbor, teacher, if not relative or friend.

Sometimes you must take a leap of faith about trusting someone and I know it is hard. My sister lived 8 hours away from me and only had one real friend there, who has too many duties herself with a handicap adult child. My sister was sick and needed taken 30 minutes away to hospital for tests. She really had nobody there. She took her dogs to groomer and had conversed with groomer in past. She mentioned to the groomer that she needed to have tests and wasn't allowed to drive. The groomer told her to schedule them on her day off and she would take her. She did. My sister got worse. This lady came to my sisters house and saw here a couple months later and took her to ER. My sister had cancer and passed 6 wks later. This gal is not who my sister would have chosen. For all I know, she may have stolen from her...but who cares. When you need help...you must save yourself first, and that may mean taking a leap of faith within reason. I know how much and why you need to protect your children. If you think hard, there must be someone there that can help you to find the help you need while protecting your kids. Sometimes the family may be the sickest to help out. Also consider any agencies that are not child protective services, such as a domestic violence shelter or sexual assault if you can relate to either, or a juvenile center...anyplace that has social workers that may be able to help you without breaching your confidentiality. Just don't give up...those children are counting on you and I agree with Joey that they may already know how ill you are right now. Our body sometimes forces us to make changes if we don't do so willingly. (((hugs)))

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@1234567891011 You have taken the first step by seeking support from your peers on this forum, you need to take the next step and organize getting yourself the help you need. There are options, there always are, but it takes a little effort to figure out what is available to you.

@brat17 suggested domestic violence shelters and other similar options, one you may want to look at is the local rape/abuse crisis center, I see a therapist at one every week. And it costs me nothing. Most of those centers are funded so often are free. It's a source for therapy that is trauma informed, and they often have options as they often have to protect mothers and their children.

 

[1234567891011]

Truth is, I DID trust someone, my DOCTOR. He has failed, as all he did was offer me one solution, to an already distraught person. The first few replies were helpful, but the ones suggesting I go inpatient, we're not. Been there, done that, it was scary not helpful at all. You lose all rights as a human being and no one listens to you anymore. My childrend ARE being taken care of. I do not emotionally lean on them. I am quietly (besides my former doctor, and you guys) I am quiet about my pain. Just as society wants it, suffer in silence, because you might interrupt THEIR happiness.

 

[1234567891011]

To answer your question, yes, I'm on medication, it is for major depression. It is not working. I take anxiety medication...not helping. I get violent bodily reactions from my stress, as in food makes me (involuntarily) throw up, I shake, my hair is falling out. ...etc.

 

[joeylittle]

Ok, @1234567891011 - I'm glad to read that you have some frustration about how yoour options feel limited, because frustration is something that can really help a person who is struggling with depression.

The fact is, your options aren't completely limited.

Let's stop talking about inpatient for a moment. Here are three things you can do:

1. Talk to your doctor about TMS.
2. Look into the area hospitals where you might have ECT, and see if they have outpatient options. Often, this is on their website; but if you are in a more rural area/limited hospital options, you may need to ask your doctor instead.
3. Consider a medication change. Depending on what you are on and how long you've been on it, there may realistically be better options for you right now. I say this as a person who has been through a lot of drugs and has experienced that many do not work long-term for me; I really understand where you are coming from, there.

Let me know what you think about doing those three things, and if you have any questions at all about TMS, please feel free to ask me about it. I've had it multiple times and it has made a real difference in my severe depression and suicidality - where my meds have not done as well.

I cannot tell from your post - you mention pro bono. Are you uninsured?

 

[erigby]

Ok, @1234567891011 - I'm glad to read that you have some frustration about how y...

@joeylittle and @1234567891011 This thread has been very helpful.
I have struggled a great deal with suicidality and my husband and I even thought about hospitalization at one point.
I have come close to driving myself to the emergency room countless times.
I have had a plan for sometime and even set a date..."if things don't get better by...then..."
Unfortunately it all got much worse when I began on antidepressants...I am now coming off of those antidepressants and the thoughts are less aggressive.
I am curious @joeylittle by what you mean when you mention being "unable to regulate the suicidal thinking."
Is regulating suicidal thinking something some people can do?
I have found when the thoughts come...they just take over.
Sometimes texting my therapist has helped to pull me out of them...but oh my have I struggled making it from minute to minute on several occasions.
There have been times while sitting in my office at work...I've thought about it....like thought through the whole thing.
I haven't thought about for 3 days now.
I have been very open and honest with my therapist about all of the thoughts. He was ok with it. The psychiatrist on the other hand...not so much.
I wonder why @1234567891011 your doctor would decide there is no other option?
Do you all have a contract?
A plan when the thoughts take over?

 

[joeylittle]

Is regulating suicidal thinking something some people can do?
I have found when the thoughts come...they just take over.
Sometimes texting my therapist has helped to pull me out of them...but oh my have I struggled making it from minute to minute on several occasions.

Yes. You can absolutely learn to regulate the thinking.

It takes practice. DBT is the best thing for it, in my experience - specifically distress tolerance, and eventually, emotional regulation. Distress tolerance is (at it's bottom) a combination of distraction and mindfulness - but done in a highly structured way. DBT offers multiple approaches, and it takes some experimenting to find the ones that work for you.

When you say making it minute to minute - do you mean with the thoughts only, or do you mean actually with a method in-hand? Those are two different issues and should be approached differently.

I can tell you, after two years of really working at it, I rarely get completely overwhelmed by the thoughts in such a way that I cannot ride them out. They are still there - I just don't 'snap', or drown in quite the same way I used to. Those incidents are much fewer and farther between.