Childhood Mother Is Triggering

[Deleted member 38644]

My mother surely knows how to trigger me. I went out to my dad's for the last time to get the rest of my things. my mom has always been full of drama, create fraud and schemes to get what she want. I am separating myself from the entire family because I have been trapped for almost 23 years of repeated cycles of abuse and repeated patterns of everything. I got her to sit down with me to see my old yearbook. All she kept saying was "I wish I can send you back, your attitude is horrible, you grew up to be a nothing" completely negative all the time. My parents know nothing about me. My mom doesn't know how old I am. Shes trying to force me to talk to my father. Thanks to everyone who followed my trauma diary and other posts. I'm glad this is about to be over.

 

[Freedomfighter]

My mother surely knows how to trigger me. I went out to my dad's for the last time to get the res...

Holy cow, once your mom says that to you she is not your mom anymore as far as I am concerned. I am still grappling with the death of my mother and my father's desperate attempts to take over my life.
My family life was very strange, I was thrown in between an abusive dad, and a reactive mom who yelled a lot. Not the best family conditions and maybe, just maybe that is because I was very early in childhood out of the house as much as I could. I remember mostly being out in nature and that is what made me happy as a kid. I just loved it.

You have to cut the ties with the ones that hurt you, and if family members hurt you like that you have to distance yourself.

I usually try to discern between fatal and annoying abuse. My son will display annoying abuse and as soon as I hear it it is almost like listening to his father, so I know the negative thoughts stem from incapable parenting problems. But I can not pay attention to that anymore, try to do the right thing, not to loose my child, but to mostly live my own life.

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

My mother surely knows how to trigger me. I went out to my dad's for the last time to get the res...

You know, I think I know how you feel. Even though I've taken on the role of family scapegoat since separating from everyone's toxicity 25 years ago, i'm largely OK with it.

I don't think people in general like to be misunderstood, including myself. There is a part of me that will probably always want to figuratively take them by the shoulders, look them in the eye and say "how can you not see who I am and how wonderful I am?"

But, alas, only you will hear those words, and I appreciate it more than words can say.

The best thing I've done to make myself feel better about it – and it really works – is to remember that, now that we are all adults, they are just other people to me.

Somehow, that thought just overrides the frustration that comes from a lifetime of being both abused and, what is infinitely worse sometimes, misunderstood.

The compassionate side of me wishes things with them could have ended the way I'd hoped they'd have always been: kind, loving and peaceful.

But the realist in me now can't help but wonder how on earth did I think it possibly could end, given all the toxicity we shared?

So congratulations to you for making your world a better place by setting those precious boundaries.

Though in time, you may decide to let someone back in for whatever reason, that's always okay, too; they're other people now, and they can't hurt you again, though they'll certainly try-old habits die hard.

But the story is yours, and you get to be the one who decides how it goes and who gets a part in it!

Congrats again on making that tough step forward; it'll empower you to make many more. (-;

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

Holy cow, once your mom says that to you she is not your mom anymore as far as I am concerned. I...

How insightful-despite your need to distance yourself from the chaos in your childhood home, you still have the mindfulness to keep the best interests of your son in mind.

You're an exceptional person in my book, and your son is lucky to have you as his mom.

Just think: if/when he has kids someday, you'll be the one who has gotten the next generation off to a positive start!