I Dont Know What This Is

[ladee]

@Esterio , we are here for you. Is there anyone your T can refer you to while he is gone so you have someone to connect with until he gets back? It won't hurt to ask.
And stress you are in a bad place and can not wait another 3 weeks.
We are here for you. To listen and help if we can.
To let you know you are important to us. You matter

 

[Sideways]

Party hands in the air: she's dissociating!!!

Not something I'd normally celebrate, but you're all over this @ladee - identity what it is (check) then nail the bastard!!!

 

[ladee]

I think that is what is adding to my anxiety @Enaila ...I have been having memory flashes. Nothing traumatic.
But I have very few retrieved memories..I am 66 yrs old and wonder if I would make it thru if I had to start over.
But that is pure projection.
Going to do what @Ragdoll Circus suggested..and pay more attention to my body.I don't want that girl taking any of my priveledges away!
Lol
Breathing much easier.

 

[ladee]

@Ragdoll Circus , usually when I dissacoiate..there is no memory. Haven't done that in over a year. Was trggered in a public place and remember nothing else. I had been home for awhile before I "came around".
I've even done this split thing before and didn't remember.
Guess I have been on this healing journey since the Mayflower came over!!! lol
A long long time.

But I can play the game of "Whack a Symptom" very well. Love ya and your hug meant the world to me!

 

[Esterio]

@Esterio ...thank you so much. Will surely try to get my hands on these books.
I hope...

i have been hereing this term rabbit hole what is it.
After this I incident or out of body experience. I had a strong urge to move back to my home town. I did and I wasn't in town a couple of days I was sitting in a bar and this women came up to me out of the blue and told me that Sandy has the info that you are needing. I had no idea who she was or how she new me. I did know Sandy very well.
I went to see sandy and see had a number written on a piece of paper and passed it to me. She told me that she didn't know why but before she left home today she wrote this phone number down and when I walked through the door she knew it was for me. It was the number of the first and only person that showed me true love, it was his sisters phone number.
I called she was in town and wanted to see me very much. I can't tell you what really happened we met and she thanked me for being there for her and 2 of her brothers. I didn't think anyone knew much about me. I surprised she knew I was having problems a wanted to tell me how much her brothers loved me.
I haven't seen her much again unless she is in the physic ward at the hospital. I'm the only one she ask to see, she doesn't talk much anymore. We hug and just hold each other. I know her families life history and it makes me feel so small. They have suffer more than anyone should, all for sexual abuse, She suffers a lot from cPTSD, dissociative disorder and a whole host of other mental and physical problems. Every time she gets out she go straight to drugs and is a mess until she tries to get help again. She told me of everything dissociative disorder was the worse thing for her. There family is Siberian Eskimo and they were all very spiritual. Many in the family took their own lives. I have known her and her family since the 70's. She told me the name of a Long Distance healer that here brother used to Quote all the time in letters to me. I can not remember the name right now but it will come to me I'm sure.
I hope that tells a little more.
Peace Be safe

 

[Esterio]

Keep posting on this site, chatting, and reaching out for support from the members. They will help get y...

thanks I will

 

[Esterio]

@Esterio , we are here for you. Is there anyone your T can refer you to while he is go...

He left today. So I'm not sure if there is anyone else. I had a hell of a time getting to see him in the first place. I'll hang out here and if thing get to bad i guess I can call some where. My Doctor is gone too and I have a sub and I really don't like to see them subs you have to go through everything for them. can't do that with her.

 

[ladee]

@Esterio , we refer to the rabbit hole as being very depressed and isolated.
Just like being in a rabbit hole.
Loved your sharing about what happened when you went home. Many of those same "coincidences" have happened to me too.
Just this morning I woke out of a dead sleep and checked FB. A very dear friend had just sent me a message. She also has PTSD. We shared for awhile until she was ready to go to sleep. So I understand your "connections".
Take care of yourself. You need to get that little dog you were talking about. It will help.

 

[Esterio]

@Esterio , we refer to the rabbit hole as being very depressed and isolated.
Just like...

Before my life fell apart my wife was studying Wicca. She took me to a Winter Solstice gathering. I had this lady walk over and sit down she introduced as the head Crone for the west coast and asked what was troubling me. So I told her that a boy that my wife and I were kind of foster parents for. Had gone Missing On his way back from boot camp. He was seventeen and I new he shouldn't be going into the army he was a way to fragile, he was also severely abused as a child. It was his decision so I helped him make it happen. She told me that he would call tonight when we got home. We walked in the door and the phone rang it was him and he was safe now. He was fed I think it is called GHB and raped for 2 days in a hotel in LA. I went to pick him up and I asked him what made him call me. He told me that he was having a snooze and woke up abruptly and this old woman was staring in his face and told him he better get up and call that some one was worried about him and he got up and called me.
One more part
Peace Be safe