Perceptions And The Present

[Deleted member 38242]

Yesterday I was in a state. I couldn't get away from perceiving all the hate I got growing up.
But aside from flashbacks my perceptions are really deferent from others. I don't see the world, or myself right. My traumas changed my perceptions, and shaped my perceptions growing up, and as an adult the have been pointed out as mutilated, and defers from everyone else in the world.
Trauma while repeated and ridiculous seems to have made me so deferent I find little to no peace in the world. Just a lot of past pain showing me that I've never been treated right.
I think therapy helps, but then you get into a world that should be a certain way based on right and wrong. And my life hasn't been based on write and wrong more like what power people can abuse to hurt you. The world works different for me, or has most of my life. When someone says this is so wrong and does it anyway several times to you, and with several people willing to go along with it to hurt you. How can you see the world the same?
Is it my perceptions, or do I just live in a world that has proven to be cruel and hostile to me even though I honestly did no harm, and had no power over my circumstance.

 

[Bloomy]

Been thinking about this all day actually then logged in and see youve written this post about it. Been thinking Ive experienced to much cruelty to belive that the world is what some say is a good place. Ive seen the dark side of people that other potray as nice. So part of trauma to me is that I lost the protective shield to see the world as a good place. To live on knowing what the world can be about is a challenge. Fortunately Ive met some few good ones lately and it helps.

Sending you good thoughts - take care

ps Sorry If I wasnt very uplifting or If Im to messy

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I've met amazingly kind people as well. Why this question is posed. Yeah when good people are "so cruel" to you you've gone insane and lost your ability to work, have interpersonal love relationships, hate you because someone has to be their object, subjugated, singled out, tormented object of disgust, and honestly they have attempted to push you into suicide because they want to, and there is nothing you can do it changes you. Especially when they have money, and power and you are pretty much on your own. Being really legally tortured by "great guys" with connections it makes you wonder wtf happened in your world.
It does change us. And permanently because you got kicked out of life for being abused by people who are bigger than you.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I hear ya'. I spin my wheels in that same space some days, rather often. Even more so after changing my eating/consumption habits, too. As if I didn't already feel like enough of an outcast. May we all discover some more comfortable grooves as we go along, especially within.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

Been thinking about this all day actually then logged in and see youve written this post about it. Been...

Your perfect. Hell just someone else helps you not feel so singled out. I think the singling out is the hardest part, and that alone in the world feeling is cruel. Like you've been put in restraints while everyone else gets to live a normal life, and grow up, live, and not have life and simple pleasures constantly taken away while the ones taking them away enjoy them, but you just have to watch as life continues to pass you by so the better than you people can suck it up, and laugh at your extreme cruel circumstance of pain. Sorry wrambing on. It's been a tough few days. They put me on bad medication again and after a day like always I had a bad mental Heath relapse.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I hear ya'. I spin my wheels in that same space some days, rather often. Even more so after...

I've gained and lost hundreds of pounds trying to keep myself safe. When I was what people call fat I'd get strange guys I never met but who knew me would start calling me piggy then when I was what people call skinny the same guys would either hit on me, or sexually degrade me depending on who they were. No one treated me like other people.
Maybe when we get abused in early early childhood people just know and hate you for it?
Eating and weight have been big changes in my life, and I don't use it as anything but health now. Being healthy is good. Congratulations that woman body issue is a tough one to master. Were always being twisted and turned based upon looks and body. I don't think men really get it hardly as much.