Relationship What To Say When ...

[Newtoptsd]

Based on my own experience, it could also perhaps mean that he may be seeing somebody else and has f...

I often think he's seeing someone else but nothing he has done has really given clear indication he is ... that's just my own insecurities playing tricks on me. I am used to the push and pull, I just never know how to respond to those comments, I'm useless.

My boyfriend of 16 months said the same thing. He tells me to go out and date and find a good guy. He...

@Savasana Ahhh I'm sorry to heat this, Hugs to you :hug:
I am lucky in that my friend has not been very frosty to me in the past 6 months. He has been in therapy and knows when he needs extra therapy to help him cope so he's does quite well at managing his symptoms. Also when he's in a really bad place he isolates which I accept and I leave him to it until he wants to reach out when he's better. We're very much in a friendship holding pattern and have been for a while. I think us supporters forget to look after no1 most of the time so I am taking a few days off from communicating with him to just get myself in a better place as I have some other issues to deal with in life right now. He has said he never wants a relationship - this was when he was not in a good place and I accepted that and have, yet we still communicate most days and he's told me a few times he loves me but I cannot say it back because I cannot give that to someone who's not ready for it.

@TheMinsterman not an idiot at all ... I guess I am new into this and yet I still have hope that maybe one day we will take it up a notch but for now we are friends and I can either date other people and accept it when he says to find a boyfriend or I can carry on waiting .... waiting for something that might never happen :(

@grimalkin your message makes perfect sense. I agree I just need to do me and not get so wrapped up in what could be, I aim to do just that this week! I'm taking a bit of time out from my SO ... not telling him this I don't want him to panic but I'll just leave communication for a while, just while I do me and get back to a good emotional level.

@leehalf He is very good with treatment and knows when he needs extra therapy etc. he also checks himself into rehabilitation for combat vets twice a year. I definitely think my mood affects him, I have had a lot of personal/family issues these last few weeks and I just feel exhausted carrying everyone on my shoulders so I decided yesterday to just take a break from communication with him, for his and my benefit.

Thanks everyone :hug:

 

[anonymous]

I often think he's seeing someone else but nothing he has done has really given clear indication he is ...

Wasn't this the married fellow?

 

[Newtoptsd]

Wasn't this the married fellow?

As far as I know he hasn't been married :tdown:

 

[Deleted member 39414]

Oh man, I feel you. Seven years, almost 8, almost six of those married, and POOF! "I think I don't lo...

@Newtoptsd and @grimalkin So I just had a passionate run-in with my boyfriend. We couldn't keep our hands of each other. But the new normal is that I don't know if I will hear from him again. So I'm going to continue on with my single life. I've enrolled in classes. I'm scheduling trips. I'm not calling or writing him. I'm not putting my life on hold. It will only lead to heartbreak. I want someone who is reliable. These posts have helped so so much.

 

[Deleted member 39414]

@Newtoptsd and @grimalkin So I just had a passionate run-in with...

It'seems been three days and no word. This is after he told me how much he missed me and literally took off his clothes and was all over me. I had come home to grab something and he was in my place moving the last of his stuff. This encounter has set me back. I have very little energy and it's taking every bit of strength to not call or write him and tell him he's killing me softly. OMG. I so need to move and restart my life. I just don't have the energy yet.

 

[Bradford]

I haven't posted on here in a while but I was just wondering what people say to their SO's when they...

Your relationship sounds so much like mine. I did not realize when my SO and I started seeing each other that she had (what seems to me) significant PTSD. Unfortunately or fortunately depending upon how you look at it, I fell head over heals in love with her. I am 63, she is 60 and at first it seemed like this was going to be such a perfect relationship, then all of a sudden ... "You need to find someone else"...

She since then has said this multiple times and I never know how to respond. My usual response is: "I don't want to, I love you"!

She actually left for about two months. I was just getting over my grieving when all of a sudden the phone calls and text messaging started from her. Then one day, in tears she called and said how much she missed me and loved me. Needless to say I couldn't walk away and we started getting back together. It wasn't but a week or two when I could start feeling her pull away again. Then about a week ago she said, "We can't be a couple. You should find someone else". Needless to say I was devastated. We were seeing each other every day or at the very least communicating by phone if we didn't physically meet. Now it has been a couple of days since we have communicated.

I feel for you. This roller coaster is causing me so much pain. I am beginning to think from what I am reading here that there is no solution and for my own good I should move on. The problem is I cant because I love her so much.

 

[tobunika]

My guy never said you should find somebody else, but he is often sayin "I feel like I'm hurting you"; "I don't want more, I am OK with what we are"; "you don't feel when I am not OK with our communication" "It's never going to be good"; "I feel like you have higher expectations and I'm disappointing you".

 

[Newtoptsd]

Your relationship sounds so much like mine. I did not realize when my SO and I started seeing each oth...

I wouldn't even call mine a relationship, we never got off the ground really! We have never been official, so I feel like I've been in a friendship holding pattern for the past 6/7 months. The not being official doesn't necessarily bother me, in fact it definitely doesn't. He is committing to me without realizing by keeping me in his life, speaking most days etc. and he kind of acts like he is my boyfriend so that's all I need.

The thing I struggle with is he does 'break-up' with me yet we aren't official, he breaks it off and then doesn't follow through. So he says the whole 'you need to find someone else whos not mentally ill' and all that jazz, then when I say 'ok so does this mean we don't speak anymore and I should break communication' he says 'no that's not what I'm saying, I want you to call and message' ... so essentially nothing is changing aside from the fact you need to tell me again you don't want to be with me even though I've never asked you to be with me? I think it might have to do with regaining some control on his life, I think even though he sort of knows we're in a relationship, he 'breaks-up' with me to regain some control and comfort and not have to think he has to deal with the stress of having an official gf. This is me making presumptions but I sometimes feel that way. When I contact him a few days after a break--up he seems a lot calmer.

It's just the case that he is not ready for a relationship, he needs to work on himself still without having to think about being in a relationship. This I am completely ok with, there may come a point where he needs to freeze me out completely and if that's the case I will have to withdraw peacefully. At the end of the day I love him enough to let him do what he needs to do to better manage his symptoms, and if that means letting him go for the long run then I will but as long as he's ok with me being around then I will stick around.

It's up to you what you think you can and can't deal with and it's OK to realize that however much you love someone, sometimes it's just the wrong time. We sometimes need to let them go to get them back.

I am almost sure it will come to that point with my friend, I feel that there will come a point where I need to let him go for him to come back :(

Hugs to you :hug:

 

[Newtoptsd]

It'seems been three days and no word. This is after he told me how much he missed me and literally too...

Hey @Savasana,

It's ok not to have the energy right now, I sometimes give myself some time to be in a rut. Like I'll take this week to be miserable as sin and stuff my face then next week the real work starts!!

You can do this, hugs :hug:

 

[Snowflakes]

@Newtoptsd My sufferer just said that to me today.....what you wrote in your original post. Since my patience level is pretty short from all she is putting me through, I actually got upset at her and told her that I'd wish she would quit trying to read my mind every minute of her day, that there isn't anyone else in my life I'd rather be with, and if she gave up because of my frustration that doing so would hurt me.

Well, she stopped saying that to me and I feel less frustrated. One baby step at a time. We will get to tomorrow.

 

[Deleted member 39414]

Hey @Savasana,

It's ok not to have the energy right now, I sometimes give myself...

@Newtoptsd Thanks for the encouragement. I broke down and texted him, saying "I guess I have been ghosted. " He wrote back right away to say he had the flu. I left him a care package even though he asked me not to. He said he we would call. He hasn't.
This avoidance is killing me. I am normally a very happy person. Now I am flat. My mind is filled with negative talk. I'm doing yoga, meditation and seeing friends. But I'm sinking. Ugh.

 

[Buttercup]

@Newtoptsd Thanks for the encouragement. I broke down and texted him, saying "I gue...

:hug: