I Am Best Friends With My Therapist, Is That A Bad Thing?

[Zagup]

A couple of years ago my therapist and I became best friends. She initiated it and we tried to stay with the therapy but after a few sessions we decided to end that and just be friends.
It has been great we see each other several times a week and even our husbands have become friends. We have gone away on vacation together and I even watch her son.
Sometimes I get anxious and wonder if there is something wrong with this relationship because of how it started.

 

[Sahi]

I don't think it's a problem if the therapeutic relationship stopped. I worked with a counselor for a long time years ago & she is still very much a part of my life on a personal level & has helped me grow tremendously. She continues to be there throughout my healing journey as a friend now. Sometimes we all need someone to believe in us, especially if that kind of connection was lacking early in life.

 

[Iro]

I don't think it's a problem if the therapeutic relationship stopped. I worked with a counselor for a long time years ago & she is still very much a part of my life on a personal level & has helped me grow tremendously. She continues to be there throughout my healing journey as a friend now. Sometimes we all need someone to believe in us, especially if that kind of connection was lacking early in life.

This.

I think "technically speaking" - it would be considered unethical to have a personal relationship without a period of time after ending the therapeutic relationship, however, because you don't have a dual relationship now, I don't think it matters much how it all started.

 

[Ugo]

Wow I actually can't imagine being friends with my therapist and I wouldn't want that. I see the relationship we have as in a completely different category and separate from the rest of my life.
Idk therapy confuses me. I mean, I recognise that it's kind of unnatural to be so open with someone and yet not close to them.
I appreciate that aspect of it - But I have heaps of intimacy problems!!
I think it's kind of nice that happened for you. It wouldnt work if you were still seeing her for therapy, but it's nice and must feel somehow validating to be such good friends after telling all.
Is she as open with you now? What I mean is, is it an equal friendship?

 

[Zagup]

@ugo she is very open with me and I know all about her. We made it a point at the beginning. Sometimes I find myself falling back and worrying about things like if she was still my therapist. Like we text all the time and I think once in a while, "am I bugging her."

 

[Ubum]

Yes that wd be confusing - mind you I have a friend who studied therapy who goes into therapist mode if I talk about my feelings. I actually hate it! It feels somehow patronising and unfriend like coming from a friend.
Ugh! relationships in general are confusing!
I guess that's what I was getting at tho - does she confide in you too?
I need that to feel equal in friendship.
My therapist friend does confide but I think I'm a better therapist than her because I just listen and try to understand her
She seems to sit on a higher chair when I do though.
There can be weird power dynamics with therapists. I guess it depends how much they have their own stuff worked out.
It's nice what happened with you two - just a human thing. It's a bit weird that she instigated it as they're not supposed to but if there's equality id take it as a great compliment.
But wd also feel unsure in the same way you do!

 

[Oje]

we tried to stay with the therapy but after a few sessions we decided to end that and just be friends.

As long as the therapeutic relationship is over, and the dynamic has shifted to a peer based true friendship instead of an inequal one I wouldn't be too concerned. That's the ethical way to go about things.

 

[Zagup]

It did feel good that she knew everything and still wanted to be my friend. Gave me a confidence boost. She does confide in me. I know all her "stuff" too.
I guess your right I should just enjoy the friendship.

 

[Uku]

I've been friends w my first therapist for over 30 years. We met when we were both in our 20s and I only saw her for 6 months so it wasn't a huge bond as T/client. Funny, she spends most of her time talking about herself now :-). The short gig as her client never comes up.

I think if your t/c relationship is sealed and over, that's great you can move on to a completely different relationship. I'd love that to happen between me and my current t, but I don't see her doing that.

 

[Zagup]

@Uku it is nice to hear that your relationship has lasted that long with your past therapist.
Our therapist relationship was for about 2 years before we made the change. I would say we equally talk. The relationship is very intense and I feel very close to her.
Sometimes I do worry about that.

 

[Otunob]

It's good that the therapy ended after a few sessions. Zagup's description of a 2 year therapeutic relationship before switching to intense friendship is more concerning. I would be concerned if either of these therapists were still practicing as the weren't able to hold effective therapeutic boundaries with you.

One of the CRUCIAL things about the therapeutic relationship is the therapists ability to hold the boundary..... becoming close friends with one's therapist is similar to becoming lovers. It indicates the therapist is using the client to get their own needs met and not prioritising the clients process in developing support structures outside the therapy room. I suspect you are female and your ex-therapists are both female. If you swapped the therapists gender to male...... would this make a difference to how you felt about the relationship, and how others (eg partners) might interpret the relationship?

Any ethical therapist will have a supervisor. If the relationship shifts, it's the therapists ethical responsibility to talk to their supervisor about what they are feeling and untangle the therapeutic process, therapists needs and the clients needs. In the therapeutic relationship the therapist is in service of the client and the supervisor is there to make sure this happens. A therapist who doesn't have a supervisor or doesn't talk openly to them and take the supervisors advice is acting unethically...... and a danger to their clients.

I would wonder whether..... if you realise that your ex-therapist friend was acting unethically with you, and is still practicing (maybe without supervision)..... would you ... as their friend, be able to talk about this and advise them to go and see a supervisor?? If not, I'd suggest the friendship isn't as deep as you might think it is.....

 

[Zagup]

@Otunob She was aware she put her license at risk. She told me that. She said this never happened before.
She is still practicing but I am not sure what you mean by being unethical now? With her clients now?