joeylittle
Sponsor
Hi, @purpleswirled.
You've gotten some good answers from people on why responses don't always happen around here right away. I wanted to respond to a few things you said on your other thread, and here...
I hope you hear people validating you on this thread.
You also have BPD - and in that regard, there's some stuff you will always need to practice about how you ask for that validation. It's important that you really try and hear it, when you are given it. Your instincts will be to feel like it's not enough, or it's false, or that you don't deserve it. This turns into a cycle of craving that validation, and I don't think it's necessarily healthy for you to always get that reassurance immediately, every time you want it. I'm saying that because people won't always be able to give that to you right away...so the more you practice taking in the messages of validation you are getting, the better you can be at remembering them in future times when you need them - if that makes sense.
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You've gotten some good answers from people on why responses don't always happen around here right away. I wanted to respond to a few things you said on your other thread, and here...
I would say that it is absolutely appropriate and human to want validation. You went through some bad stuff, and it helps to have people be able to see/hear about it and say, "Yes - I hear you, that was a horrible thing, and I'm sorry you've been through that." It's a big reason why it's useful just to be able to talk with others who have been through trauma - even if we don't all know what it's like to have experienced everything, we do know what it's like to have bad shit happen.
I hope you hear people validating you on this thread.
You also have BPD - and in that regard, there's some stuff you will always need to practice about how you ask for that validation. It's important that you really try and hear it, when you are given it. Your instincts will be to feel like it's not enough, or it's false, or that you don't deserve it. This turns into a cycle of craving that validation, and I don't think it's necessarily healthy for you to always get that reassurance immediately, every time you want it. I'm saying that because people won't always be able to give that to you right away...so the more you practice taking in the messages of validation you are getting, the better you can be at remembering them in future times when you need them - if that makes sense.
No. 103 people viewed it. There's absolutely nothing that says they 'ran'. For some people, that's opening the thread and skimming the first few lines. For others, like myself, it's reading and thinking. For others, it might be reading and being stressed by their own reaction to your story. You don't know what was in the minds of those people - and you can't know. It's not going to help you at all to magnify those feelings of abandonment.
In a nutshell, that's one of the toughest symptoms of BPD. It's not being oversensitive - it's more difficult than that. Calling yourself 'oversensitive' implies that it's something you can just turn on and off, and it's likely that you can't. The challenge isn't to become less sensitive - it's to learn how to stand up to some of those inner messages and confront them, using some form of cognitive therapy. DBT has a lot of the nuts and bolts of that, but so does CBT. If you search around the forum, you'll find some helpful articles. And I would suggest you think about starting a trauma diary. This is some helpful stuff on how to make use of one:
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