Childhood Remembering Making Me Feel Like I'm That Little Girl Again?

[J.A.S.]

I've tried to get this written out for a week now, but I just haven't been able to get the words out to where they make sense..
When I saw him last Sunday it got really bad..I didn't sleep for days, I seriously considered suicide, which I haven't done in years, and it was really hard to stay in my own head..if that makes sense?
It's like I'm that little girl again..I'm not just there in memories, or in sensation..I'm there as little me, but I feel little even when I'm not in flashback anymore. This hasn't happened before..it sounds stupid but I have the strongest urges to just curl up and be held and promised everything is going to be okay. I want a pillow nest and Disney movies and my teddy bear, and most of all, I want to feel safe. I haven't felt safe since I remembered it was him.
I keep having to force myself to focus on the now, remind myself where I am, that I've got a job and bills to pay, errands to run, etc.
It's hard sometimes though..I feel like I'm a little girl being forced to play grown up..it's like I don't know who I am, I'm just trying to force myself into what's required, what's expected.

 

[Stickler]

This is not unfamiliar.
It's called " regression.".
You really are re-experiencing what you could not feel back then.

 

[ladee]

And all of that is very normal. Feeling what was not safe to feel then. Nothing stopping you from making a pillow nest, having a teddy bear and watching Disney Movies... that is part of self care if you choose to do it... The self talk is important. Telling our self we are safe is very powerful and empowering...
Hope you take care and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. Part of the journey. Thanks for sharing !!

 

[J.A.S.]

It just feels so...confusing? I don't know who I am...hell half the time it's like I forget i'm an adult..i'm just left looking around lost, in more ways than one
the way others have talked about this on here, how you said "telling our self" something...how does that work? doesn't really make sense to me?

 

[Freedomfighter]

I've tried to get this written out for a week now, but I just haven't been able to get the words out to...

I haven't felt safe since I remembered it was him.

Yes, I am at that point. I did not know it was him, even though it was in front of me the entire time. And now that I remember his vicious acts I want to just do the same things that you just talked about.

And I think that is exactly what a predator wants, he wants to turn his victim into a helpless little girl. The predator that I now know as a predator did that to me, any man that suggest to a grown woman that she is a little girl certainly is displaying questionable behavior to begin with.

 

[PointlessExistence]

It just feels so...confusing? I don't know who I am...hell half the time it's like I forget i'm an adult..i'm just left looking around lost, in more ways than one
the way others have talked about this on here, how you said "telling our self" something...how does that work? doesn't really make sense to me?

I can't offer any advice, but I can tell you that I feel the same way. I'm basically six years old though I've lived for 46 years. I've tried using positive affirmations, and I believe they can work, but you need to be in the right frame of mind to get there. I was there for a while and the affirmations seemed to be working, but now I'm just back to feeling lost.

 

[orangeweezel]

You may be having an Emotional Flashback. Some trauma that happens in childhood is encoded in an implicit way, meaning without an image, and that feeling of being a little girl again could be that. (It definitely happens that way for me.) What I've been trying is called re-parenting, which I learned from an incredible book Called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. I think of myself as the adult now, who can protect, nurture, love, and respect the child inside me who never had those things. It was hard at first with so much holding me back from even thinking I deserved that kind of care, but I'm helping myself heal with all my abilities as an adult, even when I don't feel that way. I even talk to myself like I would a little kid, when I need it. I say: I know you're really scared right now. I'll protect you. Let's go cuddle up with a stuffed animal and watch a movie you want to watch.

 

[Enaila]

I am realizing my inner child 's needing nurtured and loved like the way she deserved to be when she was little. It is nice to see her smile and now even hear her giggle. I remember when my inner child hid and was afraid of everything. Helping her feel safe, loved, and happy has helped me heal. I now enjoy bright painted fingernails, flowers, ice cream sprinkles, staying in my pjs on Saturday mornings, and snuggling up in a fleece blanket.....and all of this is okay.

 

[Willow Tufts]

I've tried to get this written out for a week now, but I just haven't been able to get the words out to...

I am honestly very happy in not being alone in feeling this way. Its like emotionally being back again but I am absolutley here trying to exist.

 

[T-top]

Thanks, I've become like I was 3or4 when confronted by men authority figures over the years. I'm 63. My mother was a big part of my trauma but after reading your story I remember waking in my parents bed with my dad naked hugging me,no one else was home and I didn't know how I got there and we were never close. I thought I hated him cuz he didn't seem to care if I was there or not. I sense there was more to it. Thinking of the degree that I'm immobilized with panic and frozen when it happens,it had to be something pretty awful. I wish I could remember. Also I've felt the need to curl up on my wifes lap like a baby. I never had that human touch from either parent. Thanks for your honesty. God Bless Tom

 

[XXbabydollXX]

Nothing wrong with Disney movies.. due to my sexual abuse sometimes I feel like the scared little girl I was and other times Like now I feel like a hyper sexual dirty slut.

 

[XXbabydollXX]

Thanks, I've become like I was 3or4 when confronted by men authority figures over the years. I'm 63. My m...

You can curl up on her lap if you want to. Sending love and warm hugs God Bless